November Drizzle

It was November. We were walking from the train station to the bus station. She tenderly gripped my arm and casually thought out loud of how he was spending a lot of sum for the trip. I agreed. Conversing like a regular person to another. Then she asked, “What about you?” The sagacity of every word created a lump on every muscle of my body. I stated inconsolable facts. Yet my words bounced to me and stated my value. Needless to say, I reckoned the brittle tender of my bones. As I façade a smile at the bus station, I felt the bleak clouds over my head. I couldn’t wait for the bus to come, so I can be with no audience and free my self from this. And inside the bus, I sought deep within me if the failure was to be blamed. I switched my thoughts to mermaids and fairies. Yet clouds over my head won’t go away. So I let it be. I let a drizzle run to purify my sanity.

It was 3:00 AM and I could hear the morning skies. I couldn’t still perceive myself to sleep beside her. Instead I finished my hours watching situation comedy. Lightning up the cloud over my head seemed to work for a bit. Until I could hear my eyelids wept. I looked at the bed I was supposed to be on. And saw the words that made me froze. And through this I decided - If I could feign a smile I could simulate reality. I could close my eyes and dream of dreams. As long as drizzles won’t come in. I thought tomorrow was another sun. And soon this would be a distant memory. But days had passed and I could still feel my brittle tender bones, the lump on every muscle and the fake smile at the station.

The event that transpired was intended to be a pun. Poor humor failed to make me feel unharmed. The bruise of the joke wasn’t superficial. I acquired surgery to heal and therapy to move on. But all seems not to work. I could still feel the bleak clouds over my head. I could hear the flapping sounds of the passing birds that I used to see. All I can feel is the weight of my collar bones and my muscle. I did what she said and left my first sanctuary to create an approved smile for my sake. And all this while I thought I was doing great.