Keep Your Eyes Peeled

It would be a formidable task recalling the times when as a child I spied Dad’s brown eyes in the rearview mirror, and heard the request, “Keep your eyes peeled, you might see a hawk."

Resembling canned sardines in the back seat of the family car, my brothers, sisters, and I would keep our eyes peeled for the Hawk perched on treetops or utility poles. Dad also requested on occasion we keep our eyes peeled for deer, rabbit, squirrel, and groundhogs . . . did I mention elusive purple spotted cows with sparkly horns?  Undoubtedly, a task contrived to deter four, then later five, cramped children from otherwise poking each other to the point of outright pinching, or punching.  Those drives were tediously full of the sounds of grunts, groans, general whining, or gum popping.  Visuals from our cramped quarters weren’t much better, consisting of yawns, intentional ugly faces, nose picking, and of course, on occasion, feeling as if the top of your head was off road terrain for a toy car or truck.  Keeping our eyes peeled gave the Bowman children something to focus on besides the current uncomfortable situation.

My father loved spotting hawks.  I can’t remember when driving to visit relatives when if he spotted one, he wouldn’t make the grand announcement, “Hawk!”  We heard his excitement each time as if it were the first hawk he had ever seen.  Today, I look for the Hawk for two reasons; one, out of habit, and two, (possibly the best reason of all), because my dad through his example offered me a choice to seek worth within boundaries of challenging circumstances.  As a child, if this was the intended message, I didn’t comprehend, but as an adult, this became the connection I attached to the memory.

We all experience uncomfortable situations, they are similar to dandelion seeds blowing in the breeze, popping up unexpected, drifting where they may, landing in haphazard fashion in our front yard, on our doorstep.  One such errant seed in my life revolves around my search for employment. I have encountered difficulty in finding a job to replace the one I gave up a few months following Dad’s death two summers ago. 

New jobs are hard to find with the best posturing, and finding a job during hard economic times, well the status quo seems rather bleak at the moment. Recently, I’ve read and listened to sad, horrific stories of murder, suicide, and theft.  The stories cast these ill-fated events as the result of current economic woes; and illustrate inadequate coping mechanisms.

I am not an expert in psychology.  I can speak only to my thoughts, to that which I believe is important to survive these arduous days.  To allow myself to harbor in doubts laced with fear means losing the ability to retain perspective. When the going gets tough, I try to keep my eyes peeled.  I search out quality in my life.  I want to take time to experience every ounce of good happening in my environment.  The focal points of my day now center on the good and simple. Focusing on the good stuff is no small feat.  In fact, for me, “a lifetime wanna-be optimist”, to avoid reaching a point of despair, it’s always taken the grand attempt to avoid dwelling in the “what-ifs”, “why me’s”, and “how-in-the-world-will-I’s”.  Positive thinking for me requires more than a wee bit of effort. 

We are familiar with the monthly statistics on the rising unemployment rates.  The numbers for the long-term unemployed, like me, have increased dramatically since the start of the recession in December 2007.  Competing for open positions has become increasingly laborious with layoffs, downsizing, restructuring, business closings; moreover, there’s the addition of fresh new faces emerging from colleges and universities.

The realization is sometimes bothersome, I do not have total control over my employment situation, yet the place I’m in, has not made me less of a person.  At times this situation threatens to defeat me, wear me down, but I’m prevailing.  In fact, I believe the current dry spell has made me a better person, because I realize, I do have control over how I choose to think about my employment condition.  I have control over how I allow it to affect my family life.  I take extreme care to evaluate my actions.  In the grand scheme of life, how should I proceed in maneuvering through this dark unemployment tunnel with head held high, maintaining self-respect, keeping dignity intact?  Believe me; I am keenly aware of how easily these essential attributes can be lost if you aren’t watchful, mindful. Keep your eyes peeled. 

In the past year, I have practiced allowing the flow of good into my life in a manner akin to the Hawk.  I take an active role in imagining my life, the paths I choose to take. I try to soar with a light spirit, stay vigilant, attempting to keep my eye on the bigger perspective. The Hawk in flight soars with a slow and steady rhythm. Like the Hawk, I want to view life’s picture, as opportunity to feed myself by taking necessary steps in my progression toward a successful outcome.  I want a new job, but I want the path along the way to be one that is rewarding, and abundant in all areas.

One evening, as my husband, Chris and I sat in the living room, I heard Chris say, "Look, it's a hawk."  Sure enough, a beautiful young Red-tailed North American Hawk was perched outside the window amid the Rhododendron’s dark green foliage and new buds. At first glance, I couldn't see the hawk in the fading sunlight.  The window frame blocked a good view.  I set my laptop to the side and stood so I could see.  The hawk turned his head; the intense golden eyes locked with my own, flying away after a few moments.

In folk lore the Hawk is frequently viewed as a messenger, something like an angel.  The simple and symbolic attributes of the Hawk include clear sight, alertness, boldness, and decisiveness.  These attributes are necessary skills for both the hawk and for me, to keep from being thrown off balance.  The Hawk is said to empower us to observe intensely all that is positive so we can integrate the affirmative.  In order to become more optimistic, it becomes necessary to release limiting negative thoughts. The Hawk reminds us to be vigilant, conscious, and informed.  In doing so, we can persevere and achieve excellence where it is important; in the way we conduct our daily living. 

We set limitations, boundaries, and become frozen by fear.  No matter how bleak, dull, or boring the trip we fashion by living our daily lives, it would seem at any given moment, the fact is, there is hope in the smallest of steps toward accomplishing our goals.

Was it a coincidence the Hawk appeared outside my living room window? More than coincidence, I see the visit of the hawk that evening, as one of a message of hope, a reminder of my dad’s lesson.

The evening before my Dad died, I stopped by after work to visit. Dad refused the night’s breathing treatment; he didn’t like the constrictive feeling of having the oxygen apparatus around his face, saying it was suffocating and uncomfortable.  It was one of those uncomfortable dandelion seed moments.  Having lost the verbal battle to convince him otherwise, he and I chatted for a while about work, life in general, the small comforting loving family talk.  I had a demanding job to show up for the next day, one which often kept me from these visits.  I reluctantly stood to go, bending down to squeeze the toe of his slipper, “Promise me you aren’t going anywhere,” surprising myself, I had intended my usual cheery “see-you-tomorrow”.

“I’m not going anywhere.” He stated, locking those warm, reassuring brown eyes in my memory. 

I hear you, Dad. You kept your promise, you’re always with me, and I’m keeping up the tradition, “I’ve got my eyes peeled.” 

~End~