WaterFALL

Looking forward to friday night, it finally came. It was December 13 th. Another clipper just moved through the northest and covered the entire neighborhood in 5 inches of thick white cotton. It was days like these that I loved. The snow was so beautiful, yet it was so bitterly frigid. I haven't remembered a winter so freezing since I was about 8 years old. Well I was 15 now and had 2 siblings: Nicholas and Adrianna. ...tonight my parents Linda and Sal were going out to a party. Or should I say my mother and my step father? Well it was about 6:05 and my grandmother came by to babysit us. My "parents" would be gone practically all night and the following day. I felt thrilled... My grandma and I could catch up on a lot of things and just talk one on one. That's what I most looked forward to. ... Nicholas and Adrianna were sitting on the green floral carpet in the living room, the same carpet in my old house. That was the first house I ever lived in, my grandparents. Life is so different now. Their eyes were glued to the television screen, and a smile was plastered across adriannas doll like face. The next moment she started cackling like it was the funniest thing she ever saw. I was glad to see she was at least having fun. .... My grandmother sat upon the tiny beige couch with a pillow against her head, her prominent chin held up high, and her hands folded neatly against her lap. I could already tell by looking into her eyes that she was exhausted. But she was stunningly beautiful. A blonde hair. dazzling blue eyed woman with a smile that attracted milllions and a mind of her own. She wore these square spectacles with bronze frames, they looked good on her. Not only was she intelligent but she always seemed to look it too in any given situation. ..... Beauty and brains. Those were two words I could never forget because they were locked into my heart for eternity. Since I was born I have always been able to confide in my grandmother,my inspiration. She is the reason I strive so hard, it was to make her proud of me. And at this moment I knew everything would be okay. But my heart was still racing, and it felt like it was on fire. The pain was too overbearing. But I walked to the other side of the room and sat down next to her on the couch. In one blink the pain faded away, as soon as she flashed a smile at me, but then it returned. I felt nothing but emptiness. .... "Maam, can I ask you something?". "sure honey, what is it?". My heart nearly skipped a beat, this pain was still there, sewn into every part of me with its needles poking into my heart. Maam was what I called her when I was liitle because I couldn't pronounce grandma, I still call her that now and so do the other 8 of her grandchildren. I was her first grandchild. .....Time stood still now, I broke the dead silence that was hanging in the air. So here it went. "well, what ever happened with my real dad, do you know?" "yes honey...I do... I'll tell you...". I kept on getting flashbacks from when I was six, I had asked the same question for the first time in my life. But it was different this time, I'd have an answer I kept thinking. "Well your mom and dad were in a relationship, and then they broke up and went to different colleges in Pennsylvania. At this point she knew she was pregnant with you, she didn't tell him about you and that's why you didn't have a father. But you have a step father who loves you, you know that.". Truth was I didn't... I didn't feel llike he loved me at all. ......That burning feeling returned. I was shocked that he didn't even know i existed, when he is half the reason I can stand on two feet today. "what was his name, maam?". "Craig.. The first time I met him 15 years ago he was very nice. I remember he had blonde hair like you and he wasn't too tall. But angel that was such a long time ago and my memory not how it used to be." It was funny it really was.. Because my mom had hair that was pitch black like the sky at midnight. "But Kara, please listen, when you are fully ready I'll tell mom about this. You have a right to know this and I know this won't be easy but Im here to help you. I love you on top of the moutains and our the world.". ...she always used to say this to me every night before I went to sleep. And most of the time so would my mother. She didn't say that to me anymore...i missed it. I was still crying, but I loved my grandmother more than my own life. She was only doing what was best for me. I then went to the mirror upon the wall next to the door and saw my pale face. My eyes were red as blood and they stung. But aside from that, underneath it all, I saw a girl on the other side of the mirror who desperately needed change. But I also saw my makeup streaming down my ovalesvent skin in black strokes, flowing like a waterfall. Just like a waterfall never ends, so won't my hopes and dreams of finding him, because I needed to be strong. ..... He was out there without a single thought of me in his head and that nearly killed me. "thanks maam, for everything." I kissed her and left the room. I led myself upstairs and then went into my bedroom all alone. It was there I sat and thought about the future. Craig kept repeating in my head, in whispers and screams, his name never left. It was the first thing stitched into my brain that day. It was hidden behind my eyelids when I crawled into bed and fell fast asleep.