blind date

 

My Blind Date.



London

, i got the meeting arranged, via a friend ,his description was of a blonde 35 year old woman with an above average iq who is a office manager,she likes kids pets and sport,and soaps .well having arrange to meet her at 7,30 i began too get my self ready, having showered i enter my bedroom and go through my wardrobe, the first jacket i try on is too short in the arms,damm i toss in onto my unkempt bed and pull out another,jaclet too offical looking im going on a date not a funearal,ah perfect a white shirt an clolurful tie,a pull on the light weight jacket,which has looking at the front seems fine,i didnt check the back,.i squeeze into my best trousers which split at the crucial point,the fly,,this isnt getting any better,ok take off the trousers,

I flick through racks of cords jeans, i come across a black casual pair,which need ironing,i can do that,

i rush down stairs ,and fumble about for the iron,but have not a clue what happeded to the ironing board,ah the table the kitchen table will do,setting the iron on steam,i wet a finger too test it,perfrect,i begin too iron my trousers
while im at ill make coffee,so fill the kettle,but forgetting the irons is laid calmly on my trousers marking a iron imprint,well their pressed it will be dark in the resturant,unoticable to any one especailly my date,i lay the iron unthinking to attend to my coffee making,burning a iron imprint into the wooden formica table,ah damm it,its now fused to the table,i switch it off at the plug,im rushing but why? i check the mirror as my coffee is cooling, shaved teeth cleaned,except one morsel of green stuck between my front tooth,ah were is the floss,i floss the gap,the greens gone but now the floss is stuck fast to my front teeth
ahhh, i tug hard it frees it self leaving a red swollen mark,shit?
okay i grab my jacket get my trousers on,its now 7pm,its getting dark
i look good well as good as a bachelour can get on a meagre budget,i dodge the rain and unlock my car door,the vw looks as like a rubbish tip,mc d wrappers coffee cups,underwear? who is that  wonder,ive unknowingly trapped my jacket in the door as i close it,started first time,ah great now wipers only the passenger sides working,ahhh  its getting worse,it cant get any worse can it,i leave my home  and head into the worlds biggest traffic jam,i could walk it faster but its raining ive no coat wth me or umbrella,we edge a cars length in 10 mins.

7,12pm im not going to make it on time,damm stuff it ,i pull out of the traffic and park on a side street,ill make a run for it,instead ill be thier in ten mins flat, except whislt parking i didnt notice the no parking  warnings-towaway zones,in effect i rush past people on their way home from work,and get splattered by a truck who hit the mothers of all muddy puddles ,i can see the neon lights of the resturant wine bar,i look at my self in the rain on the windows which reflect my drenched mud splattered image back to me in unbeliving eyes,christ!

A woman then walks into me,her hand bag go's flying into the air,her body is falling backwards i reach out too catrch her but only catch the sleeve of her rain coat,which comes off in my hands,and she crashes into the friut and veg stands,knocking them every where,she slides down in a crumpled heap,her hairstuck too her face,soaking wet '',Are you insane? she crys out too me'',im sorry you walked into me, i offer my hand to help her up,she refuses,stands up her coat with one arm missing
her hair ,looking like she been in a twister,she looks me in the eye then bam,im stunned as she takes another swipe at me i just manage to duck another blow,she hurrys off,into the raining gloom,my face smarting,and with a huge hand print on my left cheek i make it to the resturant,ah sir,,the matre de,eyes me with alarm i know its been a long day ive a table for mr  white reserved, a blond woman is sat at the table,her face is recognisable through the low lighting, i walk over toward her''Oh no tell me its not you she says,my jaw drops to the floor,i smile,then backwards i walk,under a torrent of abuse and cutlery i escape..to live another day