Confessions of a teenage girl- book one

When a friendship ends it could be devastating or for your own good. Depending on your situation. For me it was bit of both. Devastating and yet it allowed me to learn to trust. To learn to lean on someone again. But still to me it felt like a ragged hole was cut into my chest, leaving a space that only that one person that I lost could fill. This is my story.

It all started on the soccer field in late summer. My friend Aiden faithfully at my side. “come on Jas! You can do it! You can make it!” he cried encouraging me. Come on, I thought you can score this penalty. Remember what Aiden taught you. I’m not the best at sports. I have a case of bad aim. Which is why Aiden decided to be my personal trainer. I kicked the ball and watched in horror as I saw it head towards the pole and not the net. No! I cried inside myself. But then the ball bounced off the pole….. And straight into the net! “yes!” I cheered, throwing my arms up. I -unbelievably- had scored the winning penalty, for my team. Cheering exploded around me. My teammates, Jose, Randy, Daniel, Yesy, Rudy, Aiden and I, celebrated. “you did it!” Aiden cried. He threw his arms around me, and pulled me to him in a celebration hug. “I’m proud of you.” he said. I smiled. “thanks Aiden.” He pulled back and held my shoulders at arms length. He looked me up and down, then bowed his head and said, “ you have learned well,” I couldn’t help but laugh at the tone of his voice, “ but you have much to learn young one.” Aiden was a couple years older than I was, and he often teased me. I couldn’t stop laughing. Eventually he began to laugh as well. When I could finally speak I decided to play along with his teasing, “So I still have much to learn huh?” “ Believe it Kiddo,” I punched him playfully. He laughed and draped his arm around my shoulders in a brotherly way. “carry me!” Although I was basically walking like a hunchback supporting his weight, this was a warm gesture. Something he usually did when my dad wasn’t around. He knew when he entered dangerous territory with my dad.

The rest of the gang was in a group near the park entrance. Aiden and I made our way to the group, but lingered around the outer edges of our mob of friends. We were in the middle of a sarcasm war, when I noticed someone coming to join our group of two. My jaw clenched. My fists balled up. ‘No way is she even daring? does she even know how stuck up she is?’ It was Gwen. Gwen usually went to the park but never played. I had a hunch that she only came to see Aiden. I had caught her looking at him once, when I was sick and sitting on the sidelines. Aiden had insisted that day, that I go with him to the park. But since that day I had suspicions about Gwen. She was Aiden’s age . Which meant she was obviously older than me. She was about my height, and she was really pretty. But that’s as far as it went. She was arrogant, stuck up and conceited. I saw her approaching in shorts and a pink t-shirt. Her strawberry blond hair swinging around in a tight ponytail. yuck I thought. “hey Aiden. How are you?” she asked in a voice that made me want to hurl. She shook his hand. “I’m good. You?” he replied. “hey Gwen!” I intercepted with a bit too much sarcastic enthusiasm. Aiden stiffened next to me. Sensing something was wrong. “oh hi!” Gwen replied in the same sarcastic tone. Finally she recalled my existence. She turned her back to me and towards Aiden. I rolled my eyes. Aiden raised his eyebrow. “That last goal was amazing Aiden.” she cooed in a girly voice. I almost did hurl. I glared at the back of her head. Aiden smiled, “thanks but that last goal was all about Jas.” he reached out and placed his arm around my shoulders. He smiled at me, triumphant he had taught me well. I wrapped my arm around him as well. “couldn’t have done it without you pal.” I glanced at Gwen, and watched satisfied as her eyes narrowed to slits. That confirmed my suspicions about her.

“I’m going to take her for some ice cream to celebrate. You can come too if you want Gwen.” Aiden offered. My mouth dropped as I stared at him in disbelief. Gwen smirked. “Thanks but no thanks Aiden. I have to go.” Then she turned and left. yeah that’s what I thought “okay Kiddo what was that about?” Aiden asked when she was out of earshot. “what was what about?” I started to walk around him to try to escape. “oh no you don’t.” He yanked my arm back and caged me against the fence with his arms. “crap,” I muttered “I should have seen that coming.” Aiden was getting annoyed. His brows shadowed his eyes making them darker as he frowned. His jaw tightened and clenched. “Jas tell me what was going on with Gwen.” he asked through gritted teeth. “why does it matter?” I snapped. His brows pulled together in anger. I sighed. “I just don’t like her, and she doesn’t like me. There’s a bad vibe coming off her,” I shrug “that’s all.” his frown disappears a little. “Come on Jas, not his again,” he sighs “I like her Jas, I want to get to know her better.” Okay ouch. That one I never even dreamed of. “remember what we promised?” I asked in a whisper. “what?” he asked in a cold voice. “ you promised,” I whispered again “you promised! You said we wouldn’t let a boy or girl get in between us and tear us apart Aiden!” “No Jas! You promised too! You’re the one whose bringing us apart!” he snapped. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I couldn’t speak. I couldn’t breathe. How could he say that?

“Me?! Are you serious? It’s Gwen! It’s all Gwen Aiden! You’re just too into her!” I snapped back. His nostrils flared and he turned red. “And you just hate her too much!” I felt tears swell up in my eyes. Aiden clenched his jaw. He broke our short silence. “you know I think you should find someone else to take you home.” he un caged me, and turned to walk away. My eyes widened causing the tears to spill over. I turned away from him as well, not wanting him to see me. “fine.” I muttered then slowly walked away. He ended up taking me home but it was a very quiet ride.

Our friendship grew cold after that. We rarely spoke to each other. And then at one point we just didn’t talk to each other at all. We avoided each other. I cried a lot. And I suffered too. Why did I have to open my mouth? I was certain I had lost him forever. I felt I could never lean on someone again. He was the only one that I trusted, the only one I could trust. I fell into despair and depression. My depression and my feelings became obvious in what I wore…. Dark colors. I wore dark colors all through out that fall and winter. Even when the weather became warm again I still wore blues, browns, dark greens, and black. I began to hang out with my cousin Angie and my friend Priscilla. They helped me to recover from my loss. They spent time with me and took me under their wing. Like Aiden had once done. I found that I didn’t have to trust only Aiden. I also found that I could have fun and be happy again. No matter how hard I tried. I was still somehow always sad…… and alone.

One day I as I walked home by myself from school, Sulking and sad as usual; Darkness suddenly filled my eyes. “guess who Kiddo.” someone whispered. I smiled. I felt like my energy that was turned off and dead, had just been turned on like a light switch. Everything that I once was came back to me, with that one nick name. “Aiden!” I cried. Aiden uncovered my eyes. I blinked to clear them. I turned around and found him standing there. In a black t-shirt and jeans. He smiled. "Oh Aiden." I threw my arms around him to hug him. His arms wrapped around me as well. we let go. “Man Kiddo, you’re a mess,” he waved his hand at my clothes. I was wearing jeans a dark green hooded sweater and I had a black book bag. “what are you emo?” “no.” I replied. I smiled. "are you?" I retorted waving at his clothes and hair style. He smiled and shook his head. “No. Need company?” he asked. I nodded. “yeah.” he walked with me home. He was a bit quiet. But I was glad he was there. He reached and grabbed my hand. He smiled warmly. "I've missed you so much." he said softly. I squeezed his hand. "I've missed you too. I've missed you too much." I smiled warmly at him as well. "I just... I couldn't do it. I just can't stay away from you,' he looked at me. "i need you in my life." My heart reacted. did he really mean that? "really?" i asked. he nodded. "really." My heart was full of happiness. I smiled at him. He smiled back, and his eyes smiled back as well. He pulled me to him for a hug. He hugged me tightly, as if he never wanted to let me go. "I never want to lose you." he whispered. "I dont want to lose you either Aiden." I whispered back.
After that we began to talk more again, and opening up. But it doesn’t feel quite right yet. Not like it used to be. It somehow feels different now. A bit more ... intense. Every time I think about it, I’m devastated to think that I almost lost Aiden completely. I learned a lot from this. I learned that I should never let jealousy get in between me and my friends. I learned that it doesn’t just have to be one person whom I can share good times with and trust. But most of all, I’ll never let a boy or girl get in between me and my friends again………