Lilly Pads

Lilly Pads

Jacob
Walking through the weeds, there is a girl in the distance. She is upset, like always; that’s why she comes here. She knows me, and I know her… but we don’t know each other.
         “How long can you stay?” This is always the first question I ask, and the last; she never has time. “Lilly, let’s skip rocks on the pond.” Before I found a good rock, a scream came from the white house on the hill, to which she always returned for more undeserved punishment.
         “I have to go,” rang the sweet voice I had come to know. “Will you be here tomorrow?”
         “If you want me here, I’ll be.” What she didn’t know was that I never left. How could I? I had no home, nowhere to be. But I couldn’t make this girl with so many problems of her own feel sorry for me. This place where Lilly escaped to, I was confined. Her being here was the only thing that I looked forward to each day, the only thing that made life bearable. I knew this was a selfish thing, but I needed to help her; it helped me.
Lilly
         I walk through the weeds, and down the path to the pond, where I meet Jacob. He always asks the same question, and I always give the same answer: “Not long.” Today, Jacob seems like he is hiding secrets, but I can’t bring it up when I am hiding so many of my own. I can’t decide on whether telling him about what happens in the plain little house on the hill is right, whether he deserves the burden of my pain. Sometimes, I wonder if he already knows…
Jacob
“You’re here!” Today, Lilly has no bruises, and I don’t take that fact for granted.  I do notice that she is holding her wrists. I become curious, and I pull them into my vision. Wishing I could cry for her, could feel her pain; I noticed the slash marks across her fragile arms. I instantly know the twisted ways of her mother: Lilly had been set up. She is ashamed that I know this; I can see it in her chocolate brown eyes.
         “Who did this to you?” I point to her scars with shaking hands. Before she can answer the question that doesn’t need answering, her so-called mother calls her to the house. The prairie wind whips her hair and I notice a tear roll down her cheek.
Lilly
         Today, Jacob saw my scars. He knows I have not done it to myself, and he blames Mother. But he doesn’t know what mother knows, what we all know. I know that I can’t see Jacob tomorrow, or any time soon. Worrying, I try to tune out what my mother is doing to me, and focus on the next time I will see Jacob, the next time I will be complete. I soon realize that I love Jacob, and that he loves me. But I know we cannot do anything about love; that is why I’m ashamed.
         “Love…” The word escaped me, but my mother did not know what I meant by it.
Jacob
The frogs croak as they hop from pad to pad; I envy their carefree life. That thought brought back the memories of what seemed like centuries ago, of that night. To rid the pain, I always think of Lilly’s smile, and it always works. The smile grows distant, as do the memories. I know why I love Lilly, and I know the love will last long after she is gone…
Lilly
         Today, Mother is letting me go down to the pond. I cannot let her know the excitement I feel; I am good at hiding my emotions from her. The weeds scratch my legs, but I don’t care: I fly through them to get to Jacob. When I get there, Jacob pulls me into a tight hug and I realize that he is never warm enough, never solid enough. I brush the thought away, not caring about imperfections. The time never lasts long enough, and I am soon called up to my house. I go unwillingly and know I do not arrive soon enough to impress Mother.
Jacob
I saw Lilly today, and my heart sank as I noticed the bruises covering her arms and legs. She is still wearing the same yellow dress, and her feet are still bare. The sun can warm her, for that I am thankful. Yet, I cannot be warmed, cannot be loved by anyone who does not know what I am. Lilly knows my secrets, and I know hers. Yet, do we know who knows?
Lilly
         Lilly. Lilly is my name. Lilly is a person; I am a person. I am not treated that way, unless I am with Jacob. The name gives me a smile, but only on the inside. On the outside I hurt too much to smile; too much to tune out. I hear my head slam against the counter, and feel the pain of the concussion I know is coming. The time passes slowly, too slowly to be noticeable. But time does pass.
Jacob
         The emptiness comes only at night. That is when I drift apart, when I am not whole. Then, I think of Lilly and her smile. It helps to ease the pain, but it only makes me miss her more; and missing her makes me think of what she goes through when she is not here with me. That brings the pain back. I try not to think of the time until I can see Lilly, but the time when I will see her.
Lilly
Today, I am sneaking down to the pond. I haven’t seen Jacob in over two weeks, and I miss him so much that it hurts. He waits for me, the gentle wind blowing his hair in his face. I have no bruises now, but he knows I will when I leave. “I’m sorry,” I say. Jacob doesn’t know that I am apologizing not only for brining him here, but also for having him bare the burden only we know is my secret. One tear led to another, and Jacob held me as I cried.
Jacob
Lilly snuck down to the pond to see me yesterday, and when she apologized, she started to cry. I was supposed to be the strong one, but what Lilly didn’t know was that I broke down as I held her, too. We cried in each other’s arms until the moment came when Lilly had to leave, too soon, as always. “I’m sorry,” she repeated, and walked away. I knew that I would not see her soon, and I dissolved into nothingness. Literally.
Lilly
         My mother found out that I had seen Jacob yesterday, and she unleashed her fury. The time I knew would pass very slowly, passed even slower than imaginable. Mother enjoyed my pain, and I knew it. Jacob knew, I knew, Mother knew, but that was all. No one would know until it was too late.
Jacob
My history is unknown, even to me. I remember only a bright light and screaming. Instead of thinking who I would not see – namely Lilly, I thought about who I have seen, but don’t remember. A woman, dressed in black, called me Jacob. That is what I called myself from then on.
Lilly
         Today, my mother is in a good mood. She has decided to let me see Jacob, but the sun is disappearing from the sky and I know I don’t have much time until dark. He greets me and hugs me. Jacob is family to me, better than my own. I tell him that I have less time than usual, so he holds me while he talks and I nod.
         “Did she hurt you? Are you all right? Can you talk?” The one question that required a response was, “Why are you crying?” I answered by telling him that I did not want to leave, that I did not want to go back to her.
Jacob
         Lilly was allowed to see me today, and I kept every precious moment with her that I could. Tonight I will sneak into the plain little house on the hill and steal her away. Away from the pain and suffering, away from the lies and secrets. We know each other’s secrets, and we tell each other no lies. We will be happy together; we belong together.
Lilly
         “You can’t let her know you’re here!” The hoarse whisper barely escaped my lips. Jacob hugged me and smoothed my hair out of my face.
         “I’m sorry. We have to go now, you know that.” I wanted to leave with all my heart, but somehow, I felt I was betraying Mother by leaving her. I froze, my body locked in fear; there, in the doorway, stood my mother. She came over to me, not noticing Jacob. It was as if he wasn’t even there. All her attention was focused on me, and that was a very bad thing. Her breath made my hair stand on end. There was a pain, a fire in my stomach, where the knife had been planted. Mother walked out of the room, a grin on her face. I knew enough not to pull it out, and Jacob was there again to help me pursue the struggle for my life.
Jacob
         Sneaking in to Lilly’s house was the worst thing I had done in my whole existence. Her Mother stabbed her in the stomach and twisted the knife. Lilly was in too much pain, I couldn’t bare it. I couldn’t remove the pain, and nobody could see me but Lilly, so no help with the authorities. Lilly was gone, and now she was doomed to my fate. This was the exact thing I wanted to avoid, and now it was happening so quickly.
Lilly
         The fire lasted for a few minutes that dragged on for hours. Finally, writhing in pain, it stopped. Just when I was about to burst, the pain ended. I looked down to see my body lying limp and lifeless. It all suddenly made sense, the pieces of the puzzle finally fit. Jacob was… I couldn’t bring myself to think of him as a ghost. He was so real, so normal. Now, I was one of him, and Mother would finally be punished for her selfish mistakes. I was finally free! I could finally be with Jacob and love him as he loved me.
Us as One
         Together, we are one, we have defeated against all odds. Triumph and victory, love and peace, all the same in one soul, one heart. Love is a fragile thing, held together only by faith and loyalty. Love as one. Love is one.