The Ballad of Lakshmi

'I wouldn't go as far as saying there isn't a heaven or hell, but it's different, you know?
It's...Well it's hard to explain. When you pass, sometimes you don't really go. It's like vacation, you go but sometimes you have to come back. And that's how I meet people like you. I think God, or Brahma or whoever gave me this gift or if it's something totally different wanted me to help people.
I want to help people, but sometimes they don't want my help.'


The Leaving Song
2 Days ago

'Dinner, is a very important part of my family's lives. It's where we all intersect and connect. Physically of course. I will always be the black sheep of my family, and it's never more obvious than we're all around the mahogany center piece.'

The wind was cold and biting, nipping at her wet, bare feet, the anklets jingling off of them. The stained in-lay of glass on her front door seemed to be mocking her, deep colors of warm late summer, an air of happiness. She turned the brass handle slowly and crept inside her home. The warmth of the fireplace in the great room ahead of her crackled and filled Lakshmi's coldness. Smoothing her hair back and walking slowly into the kitchen next to her, she heard a familiar voice.

"Where have you been! Dinner is on the table and you're out..."
Divya looked down at Lakshmi's feet, covered with mud and blades of grass tracked on the floor.

"Don't you have any sense! Don't track mud into the house!"
Her face was red, Lakshmi had gotten mud on her new rug in front of the door.
Lakshmi rolled her eyes and kept walking, heading for the bathroom around the corner, slamming the door and washing her feet off in the sink, wiping off any mud splatter and washed her hands.
She looked into the mirror, seeing what she wanted, pushing her mother's disapproval out of her mind.
"Come eat!" Her sister yelled at her from the dining room, Lakshmi snapped out of it and made her way to the centerfold of the day.

"How was work today Daddy?" Parvati questioned.
"Alright, we have some overtime to do since Mr. Wilkins injured himself, but everything is good."
"Oh, Mr. Wilkins, I heard. Poor soul, I'll make a casserole for his family. Corn sound good?" Divya added.
"Delicious." He said.
Lakshmi's fork glided over the powder blue plate, meatloaf and potatoes stuck on her fork as debris.
"Why don't we eat Indian food?"
Her mother looked at her, and continued eating, not acknowledging her question.
"So Parvati, have you chosen a dress yet?"
Her sister's dark green eyes lit up, Lakshmi could remember everyone putting lavish on her sister's eyes and looks when she was born.

"Oh, her eyes are so beautiful, like emeralds!"
"She'll be a sight for sore eyes!"
"All the boys will love her!"

Nothing about Lakshmi's eyes, which made her feel sad when she was younger but remembered she had depth, unlike her sister who was as deep as a puddle.
"Yes, Neenah and I really like the turquoise one that goes so well with the bridesmaid dresses"
"Oh I know, it was a great find, those dresses."
Lakshmi snorted when she said this, her sister looked at her, angered.
"What's so funny Lakshmi?" Parvati asked with attitude.
Lakshmi looked up, a slight smirk on her face but she tried to wipe it away.
"Nothing."
"God, you're so weird. I swear you're adopted or something. You're 20, you live with your parents and you aren't even in college. No wonder you don't have a fiancé, let alone a boyfriend. You're just jealous because I'm getting married and you're going to die alone, unhappy and ugly. Why don't you go hang out with your friends. Oh wait, I forgot, you don't have any."
Her mother looked down at her plate and didn't say a word.
In Lakshmi's eyes there was a glint of sadness, but mostly anger.
She pushed her chair out quickly and picked up her plate, walking into the large modern kitchen and threw her dish into the sink before storming upstairs.
"What? It's true." Parvati said.



The impending wedding of Parvati Kumar and Chandra Rammaswami put a stress on the two families as cakes were made, dresses hemmed and caterers called.
Lakshmi hated weddings.
Laying in her bed, dark blue bedding blended with the black walls, she buried her head in her pillow and let out a sharp scream of frustration. She looked up around her, artifacts from yard sales, her beloved Moleskine notebooks and her large poster of Claude Debussy offered her refuge, it was her haven. A comfy chair lured her in, the old leather-bound books were a sirens song.
Through the skylight in her ceiling, the constellations and moon could be seen like nothing before. Lakshmi flipped over on her back and stared out at the stars, wishing she could join them. Be a star, be the moon. Live there in In the big dipper and visit Orion and frolic with Canis Minor and Major. But she was a mere mortal, destined to live and die on Earth among humans. Fellow humans. Lakshmi didn't feel human, she felt like an alien dropped her and adopted by a human family, expected to act normal and blend in. She ran her hands down her face and looked up again, finding solace in the glow of night. The glow enlightened her, and filled her with the strength to face the day tomorrow, along with the items in her haven.
Lakshmi was going to leave this place, and take her things with her. She had the money and knew where she could stay. She had a passport and a green card ready to leave for the USA, and maybe find another alien, like her.


Girl's Not Grey

12 Years Ago

"Hello Lakshmi, I'm Dr. Willis."
The woman's young hand reached out for hers, Lakshmi took it and shook it like a normal person would.
"You're mommy and daddy-"
"Mother and Father."
Dr. Willis sighed and smiled.
"Mother and Father , wanted me to talk to you for a while about your friends."
Lakshmi curled in her seat, curving her back and rounding her shoulders.
"I don't have any friends" She said simply.
"I'm sure you do. School friends, neighborhood friends. Your sister?"
Her face remained calm and friendly, like any child psychologist.
Lakshmi looked the same, stern and obviously not wanting to be there.
"No. I don't like people. People don't like me. I'm different"
Dr. Willis was intrigued, most eight year old children have plenty of friends, are happy and vibrant.
"I'm sure that's not true. But tell me, why are you different? Is it because of your name or your skin color?"
Lakshmi shook her head.
"No, it's not that. I see people."
"Of course you do, everyone sees people. I see you."
"No, I mean I see people that nobody else can see. They don't talk to me, they are very nice and very kind and friendly. I like them a lot, but after I talk with them they go away. Into the sunset sometimes. Vanishing act." Lakshmi smiled as she spoke about the people she met.
Dr. Willis wrote some notes down on her clipboard and looked back up, deep blue eyes looking back at Lakshmi.
"Interesting. What kind of people are they. Are the grown-ups, little kids like you?"
"Sometimes they're adults, other times they're little kids."
"And do they tell you to do things, bad things, good things?"
Lakshmi got angry, was this woman not listening?
"I told you they don't talk. They're warm to the touch though, I hold their hands a lot because it makes them feel safe, like when..."
Lakshmi wanted to say when a mother hugs a child, but she didn't know what this felt like.
"When you drink hot cocoa, or read a good book." Instead she said.
Her eyes darted to the clock on the wall, already an adept time reader for her age.
Twenty minutes left. She silently prayed for time to speed up, so she could go home and read and watch the show on TV about deadly plagues on the Discovery channel.
Dr. Willis saw she was antsy about leaving, she asked a few more standard questions and let her go, Lakshmi darted for the door next to her and waited for her parents.
Dr. Willis walked out to talk to her mother, Divya.
"Nothing seems to be wrong, she says she sees and meets people, they're warm to the touch but they don't speak."
"What does that mean, is she schizophrenic?" her father questioned.
"No, I honestly think she is an eight year old with an overactive imagination. Nothing to worry about. I'll sign you up for a few more sessions and see where it goes from there."
She smiled, and they smiled cautiously.
Lakshmi had her coat on ready to go, her mother ushered her out to the car where she waved goodbye to a tall blonde man. A man she saw in the picture behind Dr. Willis's desk.
Her mother looked back to who she was waving to, and saw nobody.
Driving home, Lakshmi rested against the window and thought of the man, Dr. Willis's husband, long dead from a car accident on the road outside of her office.
He looked so sad to her, yet happy and hiding it for the one person who could see him.

'They have unfinished business here. They don't want to move on, to wherever you go when you die.
I try and help them go on, find the strength to leave this place.
I hold their hand because nobody else can. And with that, I can help them.
At least I can help somebody.'


The Missing Frame

Her poster of Claude Debussy weas rolled up and rubber banded, a suitcase of the books she drowned in was bulging with its contents. Clothes were laid out, folded and ready to be packed. Lakshmis ID for the US had been approved, her green card secured and passport laying on her nightstand. She looked at everything, ready and neat to go and sighed.
Lakshmi quickly ran down the stairs, light on her feet to not wake her mother, the morning sun beating down on the spider plants in the living room. Lakshmi wiggled her toes as she poured her morning coffee: deep, dark and black. As she sipped it at the island table, her father came into the room, rubbing his eyes then pouring himself a cup.

"I'm leaving."
"What?" He was groggy, just getting up, and didn't really understand.
"I got my visa for the US, my things are packed and I'm leaving."
His eyes widened, was she joking?
"What do you mean, 'leaving?'"
"I have a place, I've already got rent paid for 6 months."
"...How did you get the money?"
"Grants. Got a job too. I'll check facts at a paralegal office and type for the guy.
Secretary."
He nodded, a bit wistful as she said this, but Lakshmi was an adult, she could leave if she wanted.
"I'll be out of the house in..."
Lakshmi looked at her watch.
"An hour."

She set her empty mug in the sink and walked upstairs to get dressed and finish packing.
Seattle, Washington looked really nice in the pictures.