Seriously?

I wanted a family.

More than that, I wanted a family with YOU. I loved you more than I loved any one else before, and I just wanted to feel that back from you. And you do love me, or did love me once, but never more than you loved yourself. There is nothing in this world that I feel you would do for me. I have laid down my life, put aside my plans, put aside my happiness...for you. And what do I get in return?

Nothing.

I have a roof over my head because I worked hard for it. We have heat in our cold apartment because of the money I make. You are getting a college education because of the long hours I put into jobs that I do not enjoy in a city that I don't want to live in.

What am I getting?

I am getting a man who tells me how to spend MY OWN money. I am getting a man who whines about the long hours he puts into his schooling and then takes naps when he comes home... even though he is supposed to be doing homework because homework is the reason he can't take his wife out on a date.

A. date.

Do you remember what those are like? A date would be concidered dinner AND a movie. A nice dinner, since we've never gone to a nice restaraunt before. As a matter of fact, if it's not McDonalds I don't think we've really been to a restaraunt...

Do you know how much it hurts when I come home and see you playing on the computer and you tell me you can't spend time with me because you have homework to do? Homework that you could have been doing when I wasn't home. Do you know how much it hurts to BEG for attention from you? To be denied sex over and over again? Or even a kiss 'hello'? Do you know how hard it is for me to do everything around the house? The dishes, the laundry, the kitchen, the bathroom, the trash... e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g. after working 9 to 12 hours a day?

I am almost done. I am not usually one to give up... but I have about given up. You don't know anything about me. You don't know anything about what I like. You don't know anything about my desires. You yell at me for buying more books yet you can't even remember that I love to read! Do you know why I have bought so many books, or have gotten lost in so many games... because I don't want to live my life outside of those things. I don't want to go back to the world of living a cold, quiet existance with the man I loved more than anything.

I knew, I knew the day we were married, that the 'honeymoon' was over. When you took me out for one night in a junky hotel and then ignored me the rest of our honeymoon as you wanted to spend time with YOUR family. Not me, your new wife, but your mom, dad, brothers.... everyone BUT me. I had to BEG you at 10 o'clock at night to take me back to where we were staying the night as we JUST got married the day before and I wanted a romantic night.... as the first one wasn't so romantic. Instead, I spent time lighting candles, drawing a warm bath with rose petals, and begging you to come to bed with me....

Since the day we got married I have been a woman scorned. Daily I feel that rejection from you. Daily I wonder exactly what it was that made you want to marry me. You were my LIFE. I gave up EVERYTHING for you. To follow you. And I have gotten NOTHING in return.

And after two years, I don't feel like it makes me selfish saying that any more.