Rafting in Sydney with Vince Vaughn

Rafting in Sydney with Vince Vaughn
By
Bear Trap
Anna had split ends. She sat in front of a small circular mirror adorned with miniature light bulbs on its borders which illuminated her face and highlighted her few imperfections. She combed, twisted, tied, and tugged at the pesky detractors of beauty. Her hair was dark brown, long, and lavishly curly at the ends. It was silky to the touch and anyone other than Anna herself would instantly cast her in a shampoo commercial. Anna did not believe herself to be especially attractive, but her long legs, perky breasts, and clear skin drew the longing stares of men and the jealous gaze of women.
“You look great! Step away from the mirror.”
Heidie bustled into the room with the utmost confidence. A truly striking woman, Heidie stood at about five feet three inches. Her curvy figure, complete with a small waist and large breasts, was complimented by a perfectly rounded, symmetrical face that did not have any need for the excessive amount of make up that she had caked onto it. She wore a revealing brown dress and a small white sweater draped over her shoulders. Her straight blond hair gleamed in the light of Anna’s bedroom.
“I need a few more minutes to deal with my hair.” Anna said.
“It’s ten o’clock. We have to get downtown now or we’ll have to wait forever in a line at any place we decide to go.”
Anna begrudgingly slid back her chair from the table where the mirror rested. She unplugged it from the wall. She was wearing jeans and a black halter top, both equally form-fitting, and sleek black boots which added a few inches to her impressive five feet eight inch stance. She grabbed a hair clip from a drawer and stalked off into the bathroom.
“What are you doing Anna?” Heidie called.
“My hair looks like shit. I’m going to wear it up tonight and hope that no one notices all of my split ends.” Anna said.
“Make it fast.”
Within a few minutes, Anna emerged from the bathroom with her hair worn up. This proved to be an effective strategy as the removed hair revealed her long, elegant neck. The blue clip she elected to use matched her eyes and made them that much more deep and noticeable.
“Does Darren mind staying home by himself tonight?” Anna asked.
“No not at all.” Heidie replied. “We’ve been spending plenty of alone time together. He’s probably thrilled to have the apartment to himself for a few hours.”
Heidie and Darren had been dating for over three years. On their third anniversary, Heidie simultaneously hoped and feared that Darren would propose. When he didn’t, her feelings turned exclusively disappointed.
“I was thinking that we’d take the Red Line downtown and then whenever we decide to leave, I can get a cab back up here while you go off with your Prince Charming somewhere.” Heidie said.
“I don’t want to hook up with any random guy for the sake of it tonight. I’m single but I’m not desperate.” Anna said.
“Yes but you’ve been single for far too long now. You don’t go out enough and you’re too shy for your own good. Trust me. With me by your side, we’ll draw in some dashing gentlemen tonight.”
A law student at Northwestern University, Anna dedicated most of her time to studying. Her last relationship had ended nearly one year prior and it was a disaster from the start. She still had consistent nightmares that recollected the intense verbal abuse she suffered daily from the lips of her gone, but not forgotten, ex. The crisp, fall Evanston air nibbled at their exposed skin as soon as they set foot outside and made their way to the elevated train platform. The brief ride out of Evanston on the Purple Line was quiet and uneventful. Upon entering the city limits of northern Chicago, the pair transferred to the Red Line which would take them to their intended destination further south.
The interior of the this train was predictably filthy. A discarded Taco Bell bag tipped over from its perch on a vacant seat, spilling its contents as the train rounded a turn. A half finished cup of nacho cheese littered the floor with an unappealing orange streak. Anna and Heidie were the only two passengers in the car other than an unidentifiable homeless person shrouded in dirty coats and scarves sitting alone in a corner in slumber. The smell of body odor, stale urine, and nacho cheese over powered any pleasantness from the girls’ perfumes. The emergency door in the back of the car abruptly opened and a tall, imposing black man entered. He was dressed in black jeans, a black button down shirt, and a black leather jacket. He carried with him a small stack of papers that he was trying to neatly organize after they had been shuffled about in the ordeal of changing cars.
“Hello ladies. How are you doing tonight?” He said.
“We’re doing fine. How are you?” Heidie said.
“I’m not doing so good. I am going to be honest with you. My name is Carl Richardson. I was released from Cook County two weeks ago. I’ve been out all day pounding the streets and applying to jobs.” He showed the girls some of his paperwork, which included mug shots, job resumes, and applications to various establishments. “I’m doing my best to change my life and live it as our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ intended. Not too many places want to hire a black man with a record, but I’m doing my best. But I haven’t eaten since early this morning and I don’t have a dime to my name. Could you please help me out with a few dollars so I can get a sandwich?”
“I would love to.” Heidie said. “But my friend Sandra and I make it a rule to never carry cash on us. It’s dangerous for two women alone to carry much cash in the city.”
“I understand. You ladies have a good night. You lookin’ damn fine I might add.” Carl said as he gathered his paperwork and stood up. He walked to the front of the car to the other exit and prepared himself to make the transfer to the next car. He turned back to them. “Don’t do anything that Jesus wouldn’t tonight ladies. But at least you know that if you do, He’ll forgive you.” With that statement, Carl departed to the next car as suddenly as he had entered.
“We do have cash Heidie.” Anna said. “And my name isn’t Sandra. Why did you have to lie to him like that?”
“I’ve seen that guy on this train several times over the last few months.” Heidie said. “He’s been using that same story over and over. He probably does it all day. I’m not falling for that. Let him find a legitimate job. Besides, his name probably isn’t Carl anyway so what does it matter?”
“I don’t like lying.”
“No one admits that they like lies, but we all need to hear them every now and again. It saves us all a lot of unpleasantness. You should understand the truth in that since you’re trying to become an attorney.”
Anna was silent for the remainder of the ride. As they progressed further south, more passengers filled the train. Men were staring at the two of them on a constant basis. Some of them stared through the window before entering the train. Some of the men seemed to make their decision to enter the car based on the fact that Anna and Heidie were on board. One man smiled and winked at Anna and she felt her insides twist in disgust. She thought to herself that perhaps she should have worn more clothing. Heidie bantered with random passengers and flirted a bit with two theatre majors from DePaul. The train wound its way underground and within minutes, the duo reached their destination.
Upon exiting the train and ascending the stairs up to street level, they took five seconds to get their bearings. On one corner of the street was a pharmacy.
“Do you have any condoms?” Heidie asked.
“Of course not. Why would I?”
“In case you get with a guy who isn’t carrying them for some reason. You don’t want to get prego tonight because some guy forgot to grab his.”
Before Anna could protest, Heidie was hurrying toward the entrance. Anna tagged along behind her. Heidie immediately identified her condoms of choice: Trojan Her Pleasure and Trojan Magnums.
“These are for if you get really lucky tonight.” Heidie laughed.
“I think if he had to wear those, I wouldn’t want to sleep with him anyway.” Anna said.
“You don’t know what you’re missing.” Heidie said.
“I guess not. Are those the kind that Darren has to wear?”
“No, he uses the Her Pleasure kind.” Heidie said in a disappointed tone. “I know exactly what I’m missing!”
“That’s mean.”
“I’m kidding! You know I love him.”
Upon making their purchase, Heidie and Anna began briskly walking towards Rush Street, where they would choose a club to hunt in. They walked down Division Street en route, which was lined on either side with dive bars and police cars. One man was being stuffed into the back of one of the cars; another was vomiting on the curb while a waiting officer stood behind him with hand cuffs ready. Once they made their turn on to Rush Street, the scene quieted down. People were better dressed and better behaved here, at least at this point in the night.
“Remember our rule!” Heidie said. “We aren’t buying any drinks tonight. If a guy wants to buy us a drink, and he will, then we can indulge. But we don’t want to get too drunk. I don’t want us to make a bad decision on a guy for you. We need to stay level headed.”
The first bar they went to, the Hunt Club, had a line out front that reached half a block. The doorman let Anna and Heidie in immediately. The club was dark and loud. A woman standing right in front of them was doused with a clear drink that seemed to materialize out of no where. Three older men wearing suits were smoking cigars at the bar and their overwhelming scent was being wafted around throughout the bar. The girls didn’t need much time to realize that they had come to the wrong place. They exited and crossed the street to a dance club called Level. There was also a line there, but Heidie’s attempt to make eyes at the doorman was not received with any success. Let down, they began making their way to the back of the line when a man standing in line stopped them.
“Hey there you are! I didn’t think you’d make it. We kept your spot warm for you though.” He said this with a smile and a wink to make sure his invitation to stand with he and his friend was clearly received.
“Thanks so much for saving our spot for us.” Heidie said.
“Don’t mention it.” He replied. “My name is Malacai. This is my good friend Hayden.”
“How’s it going?” Hayden said quietly, without making much eye contact.
“I’m Heidie and this is Anna.” Heidie said.
“Ms. Anna.” Malacai smiled. “I hope you don’t mind my being so forward, but you are the most striking woman I have seen in some time.” He kissed her hand.
“Thanks I guess.” Anna was taken aback by his forwardness. “You caught me on a bad hair day though.”
“Not at all.” He responded.
Malacai was about as interesting looking as any man Anna had seen in a long time. He was tall and lanky, at least six feet three. If someone were told to draw a picture of the most stereotypical looking Jewish man minus the yarmulke, they would have an accurate representation of his facial features and hair. On his inner left arm, he had something tattooed in Hebrew, which he claimed read “love for some, drinks for all.” He wore at least six necklaces around his neck. His shoes were polished with military proficiency and his cologne was strong initially but pleasing after getting used to it. He wasn’t particularly attractive in any facet of his appearance but he exuded confidence that could be felt immediately.
His friend Hayden was the opposite. Nothing about him in particular jumped out and grabbed one’s attention. He had dishwater blond hair, stood six feet tall and wore the standard blasé men’s going out clothes: khaki pants, solid button down shirt, brown shoes, and a facial expression that gave the impression that he was lost and overwhelmed with his situation. He did not adorn himself with any jewelry like his more flamboyant accomplice.
Inside the dance club, techno music blared through the sound system. The noise infiltrated every space and mind like a tidal wave and each beat could be felt in the lower back and underfoot. Conversation was useless in this chaotic environment as the swirling blue and teal lights, art deco furniture, and scantily clad cocktail waitresses were provided as a means to distract patrons from making any sort of emotional connection with each other. Everything about the place screamed physicality, sensuality, and sexuality.
Malacai was attached to Anna from the moment they entered. She danced with him for two songs. He bought her a vodka gimlet. He never made a move that seemed inappropriate to her, but his intentions seemed clear: he was attracted to her and wanted to spend more time with her. Heidie and Hayden were at the bar. Hayden had purchased a martini for her. She gulped it down quickly and left him standing alone while she milled about on the dance floor dancing alone. She shot down one man after the other who made their vain attempts to garner her attention. In this moment, she felt powerful. After a half hour spent in the club, the four stepped outside so Malacai could smoke a cigarette.
“Those things are disgusting.” Heidie said. “They’re so bad for you.”
“I realize that.” Malacai responded. “However, a person has to have fun. You have to allow yourself the opportunity to indulge yourself with things you enjoy every now and again. Otherwise, what point is there in living life?”
Malacai suggested that the four of them move on to a close by Mexican restaurant called the Blue Agave for a snack and margaritas. The noise of the club had gotten under their collective skins. Heidie pulled Anna aside.
“It’s fun here at the club. We should stay here. Those guys are weird anyway.”
“I hate how loud it is in there.” Anna said. “These guys seem nice enough. Besides, I’m not hooking up with or giving my number to anyone that I’ve only spoken a few words to and that’s all I’d get in there.”
At the restaurant, the four ate chips and salsa and sipped on blue colored margaritas. Malacai did the majority of the talking but this did not turn out to be a disappointment. He told fascinating tales about white water rafting, his recent vacation to Sydney Australia, and a coffee he’d shared with Vince Vaughn. Anna decided to herself that she would give her number to him if he asked. He was lavishing most of his attention on her and she felt that he would certainly ask soon. Heidie sat quietly at the table. Her face was red and she had an aura of frustration swimming all around her in the aether. Malacai turned to her.
“Heidie, I’m afraid that I’ve been ignoring you all night.” He said.
“Whatever.” She answered.
“Tell you what, I’ll show you something that I use everyday that makes me feel a great deal of peace. Come over to that table with me for a second.”
They got up and sat down at a booth on the other side of the restaurant. Anna felt jealous of the shift in attention that occurred. She made small talk with Hayden for a few minutes, but continued to glance in the direction of her friend and newfound interest. Malacai was doing all of the talking while Heidie sat mesmerized but whatever it was he was saying. After a few minutes, Malacai got up and headed towards the exit with a cigarette in his mouth. Heidie came back to the table.
“I’m going to keep him company while he smokes. Are you doing okay over here Anna?”
“I’m fine. I’ll see you soon.” Anna sighed.
“Ok, thanks.”
Heidie grabbed her purse and darted outside. The restaurant was about to close up shop for the night. Bus boys were hurriedly gathering the last of the dirty dishes and glasses from the tables. The music was growing calm and listless while the lights were turned up to a brighter intensity. Anna finished the last few sips from her margarita. Hayden sat uncomfortably across from her. Eventually he convinced himself to speak.
“You know I like you Anna. I’m not comfortable talking to women. I never have been, but I would like to see you again sometime.” He said in a voice that lacked self assurance.
“I don’t know what to say Hayden.” She answered after a pause. “You seem like a nice guy but to be perfectly honest with you, I think that Malacai is going to ask me the same thing and I think he’s more my type. I hope that that doesn’t make you mad at him but it wouldn’t be right to lie to you.”
“You do realize that Malacai left with your friend right? I’m sure they’re half way to his condo right now. He lives a few miles from here.”
A blazing chill streaked down Anna’s spine. She turned to look outside where the smokers had congregated and saw no trace of her friend. She took out her cell phone to call Heidie and was immediately greeted with a voicemail. No rings. She remembered at that moment that Heidie still had two boxes of newly purchased condoms in her purse. Anna looked around wildly with no clue how to handle the situation. She desperately wished someone would assure her that this scenario didn’t unfold the way that it had but knew that that wish would not come true. She thought of Darren, sitting alone at home, and how worried he would be if Heidie didn’t come back tonight and how heartbroken he would be once he realized why she hadn’t.
“I don’t understand her!” Anna said. “She has a boyfriend. They’re the best couple that I’ve ever seen. They’ve been together for years. How could she get up and leave with Malacai?”
“His name isn’t actually Malacai.” Hayden revealed. “It’s Mortimer. He hates that name so he goes by aliases when he is out trying to hit on women.”
“So everything he said to us tonight was a lie?
“No, with the exception of his name, he never lies. He’s a hypnotist. He studies body language. He uses it to get women to sleep with him.”
“I don’t understand.” Anna said with growing lump in her stomach. “Are you saying that my friend is in some sort of trance right now?”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Hayden continued. “All he does is use suggestive language and hand gestures when he tells stories about himself. I don’t understand how or why it works, but he practically never goes home alone. I wouldn’t worry, he’s not a bad guy at all and he won’t make Heidie do anything with him that she isn’t begging for, but I’d say that they are going to have sex tonight. No question in my mind about it.”
“And what about you?” Anna shouted. “Are you like him?”
“No, although sometimes I wish that I were.” He said.
“I have to get out of here. I have to go home and figure out how to deal with this.” Anna stood up and stalked out of the restaurant. Sure enough, Heidie and Malacai were nowhere to be seen. She wasn’t surprised but was somehow holding out hope that they had only stepped around the corner. Hayden followed her out of the restaurant and offered to walk her to the train. She declined and hailed down a taxi. Hayden opened the door for her. Inebriated patrons from the surrounding bars were stumbling up and down the sidewalks. A handful of frustrated looking men dressed in their best club clothes were stalking off toward the subway. Two leggy girls in short skirts were being whistled at by another group of men. A man and woman were making out on a bench across the street. His hand was up her shirt and she was massaging his penis through his pants. Passers by didn’t seem to notice or care.
“Whatever happened to the day when people could make a connection?” Hayden asked.
“I think your friend, whatever his name is, wouldn’t be asking that question right now.” She snapped back at him.
“Okay, then whatever happened to simply being yourself? Is that not good enough anymore?”
“I’m not sure that was ever good enough for anyone Hayden.”
Anna closed the door of the cab and the driver set about on the journey home. Anna had tears rolling down her cheeks but never wept.