Watch What Happens

Sterile imaginations;

May as well Jump...

Shattered, wounded by their unjustified blame, can you see your inferior inflictions of emotional blackmail? The sterilised abandoners, who fed on ones grief and devastation of lose, empowering your egos by watching and ignoring protests for resolution, preying on the anguish it was creating, inducing the isolation and a greater fear in an attempt to justify yourself image as that of a decent and caring person so as you avoid guilt.

Do you know what incomplete closer feels like? Better still, do you know what it feels like to be obsolete, a nothing, just a void?  The excruciating agony of watching those you love inflict personal injury, chaos and anarchy, inducing the feelings of worthlessness, encouraging rejection, withdrawing the love and security, how deep do you think it burrows into the abyss, before it cuts everything off and stops the possibility to see a future.

External barriers put in place to sabotage, never regretful, bypassing all possibilities of positive thinking, never resolving issues just turning the volume down on that voice, to which really needed to be heard... Better still, turn ones illness into weakness, so selfish of me that I dare asked for help let alone need it, using it to create a place of emptiness and incredulity of why one has been condemned, convicted and crucified.  “How do you let go” or “get over it” how do you get on with life, how do you eradicate the damage that was deliberately  inflicted, how do you get back on your feet, if you cannot go back to work;  Impossible when your 11 year old son has finally broken down, and given up.  His worlds been turned, upside down and inside out guttered of everything he knew to be true and safe.

This kid sticks to me as if I was super glue, his constant fear in thinking that someone is going to take him away, is a fucking nightmare.  He refuses to sleep in his bed, his negativity towards everything and everyone, his memories of what has happened in the past what he has seen others do and some I never even knew about..."Now he tells me he just want's to die"

I guess it is his cancer as well, now.  Unresolved abandonments of the past and present need more than illusions of change, or a pretend version of love that he only perceives as a lie. A little pill shoved down your throat to cure what crimes have gone unpunished, misdiagnosing the emptiness one feels and turn it into depression or anxiety. Denying ones connection to others, so they belong in a family unit and the community as a whole.  Ignoring the fact, the loss of those you love, without death gives an intense grief, the wound slowly drains your self-esteem without reasonable cause or justification.

There is nothing like feeling “ void” the silent leeches that suck the blood from your heart, and the latter stages of this insidious rejection inducing more isolation, sadness, self doubt, insecurity and fear... has finely become indefinite.
When a person uses another, whether it is a partner, adult siblings, grandparent, friend or any other outside influences manipulate that child, and recruit him/her into this cruel and covert abuse. When a parent fails to support access or contact with the other parent and tacitly accepts the child’s negative hatred and comments and the other parent actively undermines the other parent, makes derogatory remarks blaming the alienated parent for the separation or financial problems.

Having to to sit back and watch my own children deliberately refuse to see the abuse anyone body did to me or my son over the past four years, nor wanting to believe they themselves are contributing to the abuse is something i just cannot for the life of me get my head around, never concerned for any emotional harm it could create, not just on myself but their own children subjecting and encouraging them to learn the behaviours, of these irresponsible adults and at such a young age.

It is inconceivable and sickening how any body can feel this is acceptable, let alone family. My babies will continue to believe will not have any ramifications in the long term on their own children’s emotional wellbeing. they will become if not already...perfect mirror images of their parents. My own mother deliberately used these tactics and passed them down. I just wish I could understand their analogy, on why they insist to continue and inflict the abuse and hatred onto these babies’s, when it has nothing to do with them. As much as I love my children I am also shamed of my adult children and their excuses used for justification. So hard to stomach when you have been told the reason for all this is because I was laying blame...blaming them for the past. When you look and see history repeating and the blame game only good enough for those worthy, it's definately an evil I will never comprehend.

I am not perfect, I make mistakes just like everyone else and no matter how big or small they were, they were insignificant mistakes that never hurt anyone but me, I tried too learn from them...But then again I did; just wasn't possible to prove when your voiceless...