How To Be A Girl In A Mosh-Pit

General Admission is one of my favorite two-word combinations. It comes slightly after: Open Bar, but before Free Refills. Alas, in my 150 years, or so, as a “Hard-Core Chick”, I have seen a lot of sisters over the years who I wish I could have handed them this guidebook. It includes the simple rules for being on the main floor of a hard-core punk/alternative/thrash/metal show. I'm not the only one who has noticed, but there is a different technique to being a female in the mosh-pit arena than there is for our male counter parts. I have also known a lot of girlie's over the years who could have had a much better time at the show, if they had only been prepared for where they were going.



Reading and remembering this article, I swear, will certainly make the difference between sharing a spiritual/musical/physical experience with a swarming mass of people; or that time we got jacked-up at a show and lost some nice stuff in the process. But first, some of you may want to know-



So, Why Are We Doing This?

(on purpose?)

We do this for the feeling of our hearts stuttering like hummingbirds on crack. Big boots slap down, and I can taste the sweat of a thousand freaks on my lips. My hands are beating the air around me and everyone who stands in their way. I am in the dark dancing; one of a thousand entities bouncing, pulsing, and thrashing all at once. Can you imagine it? Do you remember it? It’s the feeling of being a tiny scale on the belly of a massive fish. It is the fish jerking and wrenching and bowing down to every edge of the compass. It is that exact instant we all come to the Zen moment that shows us how powerful we can all be as One. We are all pissed-off peaceful beings, all at once. It is one generations frustrations. It is a singular evolutionary stomp. Then, the song ends, another amazing intro starts up, everyone changes seats, and we’re kicking and jumping in unison again. Can I get a “Hell, yeah”?



The goal of a main floor mosh-pit is to achieve the optimal spiritual enlightenment from this illustrious, infamous, dance. There are truly few opportunities where one can let go and be completely physically uninhibited, or unrestricted. At the same time, it is also sharing your favorite music with the musicians who play it. Better yet, there are hundreds of people around you who have not only heard of this band, but they love them for the geniuses that they are, too.



My personal credentials are that I am one of those “Obsessed with Music” types. I have been to literally hundreds of shows in bars, and concert halls, all over the country. Keep in mind that I am of an average build; 5’6’, 115 lbs. (Not exactly a pro-wrestler). I’m an old school, punk -rock, chick.



So, here it is, dear young ladies of the world. I have written the guidebook on “How to be a Girl in the Mosh-Pit” (and of course, look wicked-cool doing it). I am passing it out to you so that you might come to understand, and  be prepared, but most of all apprecaite this unique experience. Read it, consider it, and thrash on!



Rule #1: Dress like Tank Girl, or Lara Croft. The very first thing most ladies consider when going to a show is their outfit. This is the area where most of our “cool points” are won and lost. Dress prepared for an aggressive environment. What we are wearing will most likely be ripped or torn off from us to some degree. There is nothing premeditated, or sexual, about this, but will probably happen in the course of playing and dancing. Clothes that rip or tear easily are not a clever choice. We will buy a souvenir t-shirt before we leave anyway. It’s a hard choice to make, but we have to leave the flimsy, long-sleeve, silky, Goth shirt behind in exchange for a good solid ribbed tank-top. A wife-beater is good because it’s disposable, and wears well under our new concert tee. A shirt should be form fitting, but comfortable enough to breathe in 200 degree heat.



Rule #2: This marches me straight into footwear. (Yes, pun intended) We need foot armor. We require that our boots can scream; “Yes! I will have five hundred people jump on me for three hours, and I will not let Quela’s feet get broken!” I will wear my steel-toe engineer boots to every show regardless of whatever else I will be wearing that night. Before that, it was my combat boots. Before that I wore my Chuck Taylor Converse once and afterwards I limped around with purple club feet for weeks. Not so sexy.

Sandals = horrible idea.

Heels = worst idea you ever had.



Rule #3:  If we have hair long enough to tie back, we should to wear it up or we will lose at least some of it. My best friend went with me to see her first counter-culture show. The last concert she had been to was Def Leopard back in the day when everyone stood in place and did the “white boy shuffle”. Oh no. This was not that show. My friend has long, curly, red hair down to her bum. To this day she still has the same horror-show look in her eyes describing the handfuls of locks she lost to Jane’s Addiction in just a couple of hours.



Rule #4:  Never forget, NO SPIKES, NO CHAINS, NO EXCEPTIONS. Next, we come to the accessories. There are certain factors which are always true. As soon as one walks through the door, of whatever venue that person may be attending, they will be searched. The first thing one sees is a big pile of chains connected to wallets, and tons of amazing spiked collars, spiked bracelets, spiked jackets, etc. Anything with a chain or spike on it will never, ever, be allowed in. The security will always make us take it off and leave it in an unattended, legally irresponsible for, heap next to the front door. You'll have to hope and pray that it's still there after the show. This is protocol. Always. Every show. Are we clear on this? We could take it back to our car. That means we’ll have to stand in line all over again, and lose our group. Besides, I don’t want my forehead to be impaled by your bracelet whilst you’re crowd surfing over my head. Be mindful of what you yourself would not want to be smacked in the back of the head with.



Good things to wear are; leather collars and bracelets with rounded studs. Quela’s best advice here is: we can’t lose it if we’re not wearing it. This goes for piercings as well. I recommend replacing our hoops, and rings, for barbells. Collars are perfect, but necklaces are just plain stupid. Unless you want to risk never seeing it again.



Here We Are. We Are Here. The Anatomy of the Main Floor:



Alright. Our outfits are killer, but safe. We’ve paid for parking. We’ve parked the car. We’ve made it past the spike/chain test at the door. Now we find “The Spot”. Once we’ve been braceletted, stamped, tagged, or validated by security, this is how the floor will be set up:



The back of the room is for the loitering, disabled, pretentious, or pregnant. If we can slip by all of these categories, move forward. The action starts to pick up at the sound booth. This is where the little pits will be breaking out. These are like the bunny slopes. Some kids will be bouncing off from each other. Nothing too aggressive.



Once we get past the sound booth the press of people starts to set in. Everyone wants to be closer. The crowd press can be very, very hard. The entire crowd sways like a schizophrenic undertow. People are shoving to get in. People are shoving to get out. People are riding over the top of our head. Sometimes I feel like a plastic sack in a tornado. I’m whipping around in every direction. People are being thrown on top of me and I’m climbing my way through them.

The band hasn't even started playing yet.

As soon as the first note licks, people will begin to thrash. Now the center pit takes form. The closer you get to the front and center, the circles will get more aggressive. There will be one huge mosh-pit towards the center of the stage, with a few smaller pits branching off. Haloing the perimeter of the mosh-pit are people known as “bouncers”. Whomever is standing around the outer edge, it is that person's responsibility to push people back in when they come flying at us at 145 mph. Consider that if you are standing at the edge of a mosh-pit.



There will most likely be several pits. Try to see an area where some other girls are moshing, too. Guys with girlfriends will be more sympathetic (i.e. protective) of us if they see other guys who are getting out of hand. If anything, a chick should make her boyfriend go stand up for another sister if she’s in trouble. It doesn’t always happen, but sometimes it does, and we should know how to be prepared to handle a situation before it has a chance to come up.



The center of the mosh-pit is where the most aggressive activity will be. The intensity dies down as the pit spreads out. It’s like a tornado turned inside out.



Between the front of the mosh-pit and the stage is what is known as “The Rail”. This can be a whole new hostility factor, and sometimes even more viscous than the pit. These are the first few rows in front of the stage. The Rail is the metal barrier that protects the band from their adrenaline-rushed fans. There is a few feet between the stage and the Rail. This is where the security stands to pull crowd surfers off and send them staggering back into the main floor again. Remember that most crowd surfers get pushed to the front. So, be aware of boots to the head.



The Rail is also where the front row is fought over. Imagine having a thousand people who all want to stand exactly where we're standing. This is General Admission, baby. We have to want to be there the most. Sometimes, because we’re girls, it’s easier to just have a big guy stand behind us with his arms holding on, and we can just dance in front of him. Sometimes guys will give us a break if we’ve beat our way up to the front but just can’t see over the one dude in front of us. Sometimes, they won’t.



Mosh-pits and shows, can and will, vary depending on what energy the band inspires, and how much frolicking the venue will allow. Bungee-cords? Bon-fires? Yes? No? Were the police called last time? “I thought these guys were still banned from this place!” I have been to shows where an entire hockey arena looked like massive crowd convulsions on a floor made of electrocuted trampolines. Thousands of bodies were flying in a chaotic frenzy. Then I saw the same band a year later, and the pit was contained to a small crowd of people bouncing up and down in front of the stage. A couple thousand people were snapping their necks back and forth. Long hair was swinging like horsetails in a heat wave. Same band, different day.



It is my responsibility to warn my readers that the Main floor can potentially be a pretty physically intense experience. This article is to educate and inform those who want to know. Every show is different. But usually, the closer one gets to the front, the more people will be the size of refrigerators' with heads. As one approaches the stage the press of several hundred people pushing us all at once sets in with no mercy. The people push closer and closer together. We will envy the elbow room a sardine has. The guys next to us are the biggest people in the room. Maybe, the biggest we have ever seen in our life. Our advantage here is that we, littler women, can slip right between their sweaty bodies. Is it gross? Yup! That’s why there are so many cool points for getting through it. The goal for survival is to keep our feet on the floor, and our face near the oxygen line.



This leads us into the next important piece of information- the oxygen line. When we are surrounded by a lot of people who are taller than us, and breathing very hard, it can feel like the oxygen is all used up to about six inches over our head. If this happens, don’t be afraid to climb people, and say that you can’t breathe. If you ever need out, just say “I need out!” And you will be helped out immediately. Make sure you do the same for someone else. Also, if anyone falls to the floor- Pick them up immediately. If this happens to you everyone else will do the same. The point is to have the best time possible and no one needs to get hurt.



The security guards the perimeter outside the rail that sections off the main floor from the “Bleacher People”. Bleacher People are like Sneeches without stars upon thars. They are not the fans of true grit like you and I who are unafraid to feel their band. We adore them like demi-gods with bones, with everything we’ve got. They enjoy from afar, we take this to a whole new level. The Rail is where I have to be. It is my goal to make eye contact with my band. I want my favorite band to know that I am so inspired by their art. I know they get off on watching me kick guys asses to hold my spot there, and still keep dancing the entire time. These are the extremes I will go to be that close to my muses. Remember the “Obsessed with Music” clause?





In case we decide that the hard-core thrashing about isn’t for us, or maybe we want to actually see the band that we bought tickets to see, there is yet another approach to this venture. The far right and far left hand sides of the stage are usually occupied by people who wanted to be up close, but not mosh, or be aggressive.



A mosh-pit can be a frenzy chasm. When everyone plays by the same unspoken rules it is a marvelous, exhilarating, irreplaceable experience. We can come out of it a women reborn, rejuvenated and reunited with her inner Xena Warrior. We do it for the same reason people climb mountains. We went through all that just to be able to say, “I was this close to… I was right there when…”.