"Roasting Maryann"

"Dear Maryann,

I have been a fan of yours since day one. You have helped me through all my trials and tribulations of becoming a member and as a reviewer here on WDC. You were always
there for me and have always had the right answers to give. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my pea-picking heart. For such a young, ten-year old, I have never known such an intelligent and smart gal!

However, I need to have you clear up a few things for me if it’s all right with you. I have lied awake night after night, trying to figure you out and I just can’t. So please indulge me and answer a few questions for me, okay? Not only because I think you are wonderful, but because I’m just plain damn nosey.

Was it in June of 2002, that you started “Movie Talk?” here on WDC? Well, for heaven’s sake, honey. According to my calculations, you were only age one! That’s incredible, Maryann, to say the least. You were still wearing diapers! You are a child prodigy, for sure.

You do enjoy your movies, don’t you? And to think you understood them at such a young age. While I’m on the subject of age, how old were you when you became Senior Captain for the WDC Power Reviewers? Five? Today, you head up a group of three hundred and ninety-five strong. Okay, I’ll put it in numbers: 395 members. And your group keeps growing like the weeds in my back yard. Hey, listen. I know you have help from Lornda, Eyestar, Jen and all your other captains, but do you bribe them with movies and popcorn?

You have done over a thousand reviews and have earned over one hundred and eighty three Merit Badges. You have Community Recognition and Ribbons Galore. Like I mentioned earlier…a child prodigy. I bet your teachers loved you, Maryann. Did they
have you do their class assignments? I wonder about that one.

Living in the DC area, the political process has rubbed off on you. Why, at one time, you wanted to be President, remember? You probably would have been good at that job too.
Just a babe in the woods and you would have out-smarted them all. I read your agenda!
You should have put yourself on the ballot, Maryann. It’s still not too late, you know.

Speaking of DC, remember when you traveled to Chile? It was at that time that there was an earthquake along the Eastern Seaboard and didn’t the Washington Monument crack? Do you see the real picture here? Those politicians can’t do without you!

Now here’s the killer, Maryann. You are married, have raised four children and you still have all that energy. You jog everyday and eat healthy. I saw your picture, Maryann! You would put Angelina Jolee to shame.

And how about all the other things you do here on WDC. You write wonderful stories, hold contests and forums. Your port is chock full of goodies for all of us to enjoy. You host so many things and I wonder if you get eight hours of sleep.

Now, at the end of your anniversary month, what do you go and do? You smash your finger in a door. You had to go to the hospital and get stitched up, etc. Ten-year olds
can do stupid things, I know. It must have hurt and I’m so sorry for your pain. You probably have hired a secretary by now to do your computer work, knowing you. That’s a good thing because I know you will not let WDC suffer.

I have poked fun at you and I hope I have made you laugh through your pain. I just want you to know that I whole-heartedly appreciate you. Your heart, energy, generosity and leadership shines through with everything that you do here on WDC. We all love you, Maryann. Speaking for myself, I’m glad I have the pleasure of knowing you. I want to see you around here for another ten years!

Sincerely,
Janice

Ps. I hope I have made you laugh just a little. I’d tell you to suck on your sore thumb, but being it is in a splint, that would be impossible.


Word Count: 711