%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
Daily blog/ ramblings of a wife/mother about life friendship and family drama |
| This is my first time blogging. I'm not even sure I am doing this correctly. I just want to write about life, family and daily drama. I hate drama and my life seems to be drowning in it at times. Comments are welcomed. |
| Hello World, It has been to long since my last entry. I have been looking for a job since March of this year and still have not had any luck. I somehow thought It would be easier then it has been. It really is rough out there. My life has taken a drastic change in the past two weeks. My son and his family have began the move back to Florida to live with me and my husband. The economy as it is has made it very hard to survive for everyone unless you have a ton of money. My son had a business in Chicago as a Handyman. He was doing well for a while but it got the best of him too. His business all but folded up and well now he's coming home. Maybe we can all help each other. My husband and I live in a 2/2 townhouse and its about to become very crowded. My son has a wife, two small children Alex 6 and Phil Jr.4 my grandsons. and 1 large dog Baby. Ironic, my dog is a min-pin named Bruiser and he weighs 12 lbs and Baby is a 75 lb Shepard/Lab mix. I hope they get along, I would hate to see Bruiser kick Baby's butt. (joking) plus we have a cat Emma, she will probably want to move out now too. This whole ordeal so far is wonderful to me but, hard at the same time. My husband is not used to small children. We have had the kids here now for two weeks and the quite solitude we had become accustom to is gone and its replaced by laughter, wild play, tears, fighting between brothers and seeing just how much a grandmother will put up with. They test my patience daily and grandpa's too. But all in all it's still great to have them here with me. I was devastated when he packed up and moved to Chicago when the youngest was just 2 months old. Seeing them only once a year for two weeks was just not enough. I collected Disney movies from the time my son was about 8 years old for the grandchildren I might someday have, but in my dreams they lived very close by not 23 hours away. We have started looking for a new place with at least three bedrooms that we can afford. I refuse to purchase Real Estate in Florida at this time so we rent. I know its going to be hard to find a place that will rent to us with three animals 2 kids and four adults. But I am still keeping my fingers crossed that someone will understand we all need to live together because they can't do it on their own at this time. My husband got my son a job with him and that scares me too, my husband recommended him very highly to his boss and I am afraid my son won't be able to live up to his high expectations. My husband is in his dream job and loves his boss but the job my son is going to be doing is not his dream job, its just a job making very little money to start and my husband expects him to bust his butt to impress his boss because he got him the job. I know this will be a problem sometime down the road. This will definitely be a test on the strength of my marriage, but family is all we have and we have to help each other when and how ever we can even if it means making drastic changes to our lives. My sister moved here to Florida from Chicago last November and still has not found a job either. Her kids never talked to her when she lived near them and now that shes here it seems they need her more then ever and she has to keep going back for one thing or another. On her last trip one of her daughters found out she has a serious health ailment I won't go into details but she has two young children the same age as my grandsons and my sister needs to be there to take care of them now for her daughter. Her other daughter is getting married at the end of the month and opening her own Hair Salon just before or after the wedding, I'm not sure which, and they want her to help out at the front desk until the salon gets going and they can hire a book keeper. My sister has nowhere to live there, she will not stay with the newly weds and the sick one has no room for her so I don't know what she going to do. She is so depressed and torn on what to do but she went anyway because it's her family and she's a great mother. My mother found out today she has blockages in both main artery's in her neck and has to have surgery very soon, this will cause my sister even more stress because she lives at my mothers house in Florida. And my mom will make her feel guilty for leaving her to go back to Chicago. There is drama all around me and I am holding up surprisingly well. I can offer opinions and advise when asked and lend my shoulder to cry on or an ear for them to talk to but I have come to the realization that I can not save the world like I used to think I had to do, I can only fix my little piece of it for myself. |
| Hello World, I lost my job on the 18th of March. I am kind of enjoying not working, I get to spend quality time with my sister and I am loving that. I am learning how to do house work again and remembering how to cook again. All the things my husband has been doing since I met him. I am so much more at ease since I lost my job and I think I was so stressed out at work for so long that even a thing like losing a job seems ok. I loved the company I worked for but I think I want to take my time and find something I will enjoy this time around. I am sure theres a lot of pressure on my husband right now and I understand he's going to be cranky when he has to get up and go to work and I am still lying there sleeping. I remember how that feels. |
| Hello World, I have been a bad bloger, I have not had time to think in the last 5 months. Well I do now! I lost my job yesterday after 71/2 years. I feel numb at this point I am not sure if it will hit me later but I feel this big stress relief. I know I can't live on umemployment (especially in Florida) and I know I will never get a job making the money I did, but I am still almost relieved. I was working 10 hour days and only getting paid for 8, just because I wanted to keep my job. I was not happy in my job, there was so much stress and the constant worry of when it was going to end was just to much. I had been expecting it due to the economy and being in the construction field, my company had been laying off people weekly for months. It was a good company even with the pressures and I would go back in a heartbeat if asked because in Florida finding a job that offers great benefits and vacation and sick days is very hard to find. Now from what I have heard from other fellow unemployed people jobs want you to work without benefits and as a independent contractor so they do not have to pay taxes or worker's comp, use your own gas to travel around for their company and do it on a commission only basis. I don't know whats going to happen but I'm sure I'll be hurting before to long and all the stress from my lost job will look like a dream job again. Well my daughter got the job at the film studio in China and will not be coming home this year at all. She will have to find an apartment in the city and get moved in after school ends this time. She is so excited about the job though and I am happy for her. I will miss her but I understand the cost of coming home and going back on her own money with the cost of a trip one way being around 2,000.00. I am hoping she gets her fill of the job and comes home to get work at a studio here in the States. But I know her and she does not get bored fast. Maybe in a few years she will come back. I am still trying to get my son to move his family back here so I can see and be apart of my grandkids lives. He is commited to one more year with his company then he will consider it. My sister who moved here in November has not had any luck finding a job and is re-thinking her move. She left this morning back to Chicago for a week or two, but I think she has been chased away by my mother and step dad. They are treating her like a teenager and they push the lodge so hard that its just making her nuts. The lodge has a way of burning people out and when I say Lodge, I mean the co-worker from the lodge. People like myself and my sister start off willing to help and then they stop asking and appreciating and start demanding and taking advantage of you to the point where you leave all together. My sister did so much for them and never questioned any request. She was harrassed by my mom to run for a officer of the lodge and gave in. She had been asking for a job behind the bar so she could make some money and when the daytime bartender lost her job last week my sis was so excited because she thought after being told from the beginning they would hire her if an opening came up. But when she told them she would rather work and get paid then be an officer, they told her no and they needed her more as an officer. They screwed her so bad and now she's done with them too. So they lost an officer and a great bartender and a member in her and it helped me decide not to renew my dues either. I would rather find a new place to go have a drink then deal with the backstabbing that goes on in that place. My husband does not understand and wants me to renew so I can go with him but he will just have to go there alone. Well I have friends coming over for dinner tonight so I will say goodbye for now. |
| She got the job at the film studio. |
| Hello Everyone, It has been a while since my last entry I know. I started a new position at work and it consumes me. I work 10 hour days and only get paid for 8, but I do this because you have to shine these days to try and keep a job. It is not required of me by my employer, but I do it anyway. Things have been rather calm here and uneventful to say the least. I work and sleep so theres not much to write about on a daily basis. This week I heard from my daughter who lives in China so I have something to talk about. This is my daughters 5th year in China and she has decided not to renew her contract after this year. She finally wants to come home and try to make a life here in Florida. This was my Christmas present this year from her and it was the best one I could have gotten. I love to tell of her journeys but I would rather see her and share them with her from home. This year has been hard for her. Upon her return from the summer break she had a new teacher living at the school in the apartment below hers. He was very bad. He drank allot and would threaten the others in the building and even told her and others he would rape them and the school did not want to do anything about it. At first she would just hide in her apartment afraid to leave, then he went on a rampage and started breaking furniture in the hallway and beating down another teachers apartment door. My daughter and the other teacher packed up their things and went to a hotel. They contacted the administration of the school and told them they would not return until something was done about the man. The police did not want to get involved due to it being a private school or so the administration said. Two days later three other families moved out of the school because of this teacher. The company my daughter works for finally came through and got the school to pay their hotel bills and food bills until they got rid of the man causing all the problems. They told the school they would cancel all contracts with them if they did not get him off campus. They told my daughter and the others they would send him to another school in China but ended up canceling his contract and sending him back to the states for rehab. He has since re-applied for a position with the company again and they are considering him again. There was another small earthquake this year at Thanksgiving. Thankfully it was only a 5.2 and did not do to much damage to the already damaged building and homes. It did scare her and everyone again and made all the memories of the last one come back to light. She is on her winter break now and sent me a message the other day that she was going on an interview for an internship with a film studio. It would be for two months while she is on break. Well she got the job and started the job yesterday. I will share with you the e-mail from her because she writes with so much feeling I would rather put it in her words: Well, they didn't waste any time! As soon as I came in for my appointment, I was first treated to a tour of the facilities. The animation area, or "renderfarm" was packed with desks and computers, and people chugging away at whatever scene they were animating. It was fascinating to watch how quickly they draw! (which makes sense, since the parent company of the studio is called IDF Global, or IDrawFast...) I got to step inside the green screen room, which was really cool. I hope to watch them film something there in the future! Aside from the Studio head, I met the Director of film and tv production, the head of film and TV research, Conceptual artists, Character supervisors, marketing folks, and a host of other, very interesting people. As I was awaiting some interviews with various people, I was informed that the meeting that was supposed to end 10 minutes ago would continue on through lunch, and beyond. Such is life in a film studio, I guess! So, my tour guide, Francois from South Africa, introduced me to one of the concept artists who is working on a film, currently in pre-production, about an interesting true story that took place during WW2. We talked about my creative background, and my love for research and all things dramaturgical, Well, they wasted no time in setting me up at a computer workstation, got me into the servers, and put me to work doing research into hairstyles, uniforms, jewelry, and everything else from this time period!! I was so excited that they put me to work from day one on this project! After the 4 hour meeting ended, I got to sit down with the director of Film and TV Production and the Head of Film and TV Research. We talked about my interests, and (Thank heavens I brought one) asked to see my acting resume!! We talked about what upcoming projects are in development (One, shhhhhh..... featuring Hugh Jackman!!!!) and what I could do to help right now. Since they are mostly still in the planning stages, I am ever so needed in the research department for the moment! So, I will get to do what I love to do... Dramaturgy!!!! We also discussed another project (Sci-fi!!) that I will begin working on tomorrow: like preparing research and character profiles, and all the beginning stages of this project. I was told I would be the point of contact for the project for the time being!!! I have been here ten minutes, and I'm already getting more responsibility than I thought I would!! ( I also get the pleasure of working a full-time schedule... 9am-6pm... So I am going to be tired!) What a way to start off your first day! I am so proud of my daughter, she is so talented and deserves to be given this chance to prove herself and be happy in all she does. I wish the best of luck to her even if it means she gets the job on a permanent basis and does not come back this summer. Adding this to her portfolio is a once in a lifetime opportunity and they do not come around often. I want her to be her best and do what makes her the wonderful, beautiful person she is. Update 7-21-2010: My daughter got the job with Green Leaf Studios in China as a Senior Rearcher or something along those lines full time now and has moved to Chengdu. She will not be coming home this year after all. I wish her the best of luck in her new adventure and I know she will do well. The Chineese government now wants her to produce her College Degree and Diploma to get her visa renewed it was not required before when she was teaching for them for 5 years. Unbelievable! |
| Hello World, I know it's been a while, but I decided I would not write again until I had something good to say. Thanksgiving did not happen after all as Robert had to work or he told his boss he would to get out of going anyway (he won't admit it). So it was very cozy, just my mom, step-dad, my sister and me, and of course all the dogs. I let Robert know this was not acceptable and if something was not done before the Christmas holidays got here, basically we were through. Last week he started talking to my mother and even gave her a hug at the end of the night. I can't even tell you all how happy that made me. Slowly everything is getting back to normal. We had a dinner tonight at the lodge for all the officers and we all were able to sit together laugh and talk with no bad feelings or stress. I have really missed that. So I have peace at home and maybe it will be a Happy New Year. |
| Hello World, I have been so busy with work I have not had time to write at all and I miss doing it. I have basically finished up on my jobsite now and have been moved into the Main Office of my company. It is a different world all together for me. There is a solicitude on a job site and not allot interactions with others in my position. Now I actually have someone to talk to and it's kind of nice. I think although I have forgotten how to talk, I find myself stumbling for words. I am alone far to much. My husband works all night and me all day so I talk to my dogs mostly and they don't really understand anyway. So I am now faced with the new challenges of office life. Schedules, clicks, and of course politics. I think I will enjoy the change. My sister has finally moved here from Chicago. We went to the movies Sunday night for the first time in twenty years. It was so much fun, we saw the new Disney film A Christmas Carole with Jim Carey in 3D. I really enjoyed the movie. The issue with my husband and family is still on going but things are looking up, he has agreed to go to my parent’s house for Thanksgiving with me. A very wise choice, I simply asked him if we were going to have a good holiday or if there would be another fight. He says he is going to do the right thing and I will give him the chance, so this will be the big test on Thursday. My mom and he still have not talked to each other in over five months. Keeping my fingers crossed. My mother has been very sick now for over two weeks. She has respiratory infections, & bronchitis but no longer contagious. Hope you all have a wonderful holiday god bless you all. Selania Deroy |
| Hello Friends, I know I am supposed to fill this out everyday, but I truley have been so swamped that I have not had the time or energy to do so. I am really making progress in my life now. I have started as I told in past blogs to to reconnect with family and friends. I found another old friend on facebook and started reconnecting with her and her family again. My husband and I went to their house last night and we had a wonderful time. We talked for 5 hours and it was like we never were apart. My husband who met them for the first time really connected with her husband as they both are truck drivers and like allot of the same things in life. I was very happy. She also helped me a week or so ago to get the courage to call her sister who was my very best friend for many years but I was afraid to call. We are all planning to get together soon. It's amazing how a little thing like a phone call can change your whole life. I went from frowns and tears to feeling happy and smiling again. I actually am looking forward to life again and that is a very big advance for me. |
| Hello, Depression does hurt everyone. I have been depressed for several years and basically have shut all communication down with everyone I know for over 3 years now. I have finally started climbing out of my shell again and have started reconnecting with my friends. I was so afraid to call some of my closest friends because I don't know how to explain what happened to me. I don't even know for sure. Last night I called one of my dearest friends and it was so heart warming and healing for me. It was just like we left off and I'm so happy I got the courage to call her. Trying to explain depression and codependency to people without the problem is difficult, they just do not understand. I do not take any meds for this problem, so I think that's why its taken so long to come out of it. I don't like the meds for depression I think they do more harm then good sometimes. I have tried them and they left me either unable to function completely or unable to work and I can't have either. I did this on my own. I also re-connected with my family here in Florida, which has been a struggle for the last ten years. My sister can take credit for that one because she dragged me to see them and I was plesantly surprised to their reaction to me. I think we settled all the past in-differences and can now move ahead with being family again and that also makes me very happy. So things are looking up all around for me. My husband is working steady now and the stress there has been released now too. I hope all is good for everyone reading my blog and even those who are not. lol |
| Hello everyone, The more reading on Codependency I do the more confused I become. It says codependency people are controling people, and I am not a controling person. Most books talk about being addicted to drugs or alcohol. I am not nor have I ever been either. This is me: I don't drink or do drugs. #1 designated driver for family and friends I do smoke. I know I need to quit but Im just not ready. I do not like confrontations, I avoid then like the plague. I don't like to argue with anyone, but I am very defensive. I worry about what others may think of me. I am quiet and love to stay home. I believe in forgiveness, even when someone has done me wrong. I am a very responsible person, . I believe you can't help someone who won't help themselves. I am not an enabeler I am depressed and I do not know why. I do not like when people talk badly about others. I don't spread rumors or even listen to them. I don't judge people by looks, color, religion, wealth, age of spouse, their weight. I believe if you have nothing good to say to someone then keep quiet. I want to be happy and I know I am the only one who can fix that. I worry about everything, this is just how I work. I am an emotional human being, I laugh when somethings funny and cry over anyone thats been hurt, and sad movies. I do not smile on command, I am not a puppet. If I know and like you I will smile at you. I am a doormat, I am working on this. I do wish I could make this world a better place to exist, but I know I can only make my place in it better for me. I wish I were more outgoing, but more then that I just want to like myself and the person I am, because I am good, loving and honest. I want my kids to laugh often, love deeply and cry when their sad, and always know I will be there for them when they need me. I love to joke around at times, I do have a sense of humor. I hate rudeness in anyone. I just need to know if this all means I'm codependent or am I just human with flaws, because nobody's perfect. If we have emotions and feel for others too much does this mean were sick? I am just so confused. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
