Dreaming

It is animated on television
A game of some sort
In a stadium, filled with paper cut outs of fans
Cheering without moving their limbs
Or lips
Just swaying
In unison
Somewhat, maybe not
I cannot tell, focus is lost momentarily

Now I am there, now I am a fan in the bleachers
It is no longer a stadium
I am flesh and bones, not cardboard
We are outside
The game is outside
There are people all around
On the ground outside
Ignoring the game
Worrying for some reason
It is nighttime
I see a train

The train is in the mountains
The mountains that surround all of us
And the game
The game continues, I think
I am on the ground now, somehow
Away from the game
The train seems more important
It is lit with Christmas lights
Lights of all colors
It is beautiful
And getting closer
The tracks build themselves as the train moves forward

I feel something behind me
Its presence is strong and new
It wasn’t there before
But then I felt it and it was there

I turn to see a station
It is a train station and it is awful
With barbed wire fences surrounding real people
Their bodies are wrapped tightly, because it’s cold
Their faces are sad, pleading with the train not to come
But I want the train to come
It is beautiful

I turn back around
I don’t want to look at the sad people
But now the fence has captured me too
It’s there now, between me and the game
The game continues, I think
I can’t really see
And I am worried
And through the barbed wire I see the beautiful train
It gives me hope
Travel faster, travel faster
Without a word from anyone
I know that it is my train
I will board it
Because it is my train, and I mustn’t miss it
I must get to where I am going
But where am I going?

“Auschwitz!” screams a lady from somewhere
And here is the train, it has arrived
And I see now, I can see now,
Amongst the lights,
What is painted in red paint on the train
And reflected in the eyes of the people
In the prisoners’ eyes – the red symbol
And the beautiful lights on the train spell Merry Christmas
And we are all boarded by faceless men
And we know.

Now the train is beginning to move
It is slow and silent
And I am scared
But I am outside, somehow
It is a balcony attached to the side of the car
It is not strange, it is normal somehow
I can feel the wind, the train is gaining speed
There is forest on either side
And the sky is blue now
And I see her

I know her, somehow
I hear her voice
“We’re going to escape”
She just came out to the balcony
And I feel safe
The wind is blowing hard
The train is moving too fast
We cannot jump
And now I see how
I see how we can escape
It was not there before
But then I felt it and it was there
A sleigh
It is wooden and has skies
And it is attached to the balcony

There are two others with us now
Boys I do not know, but they are my brothers
And I do know them, somehow
And we are all in the sleigh now
We have climbed in
The woman
My brothers
And I
And I pull the pin
The one pin that connects us to the train
And we are free
Sliding on the grass between the train and the forest

And we are gaining speed
Moving past the train, somehow
Moving faster, I can see the people we left behind on the train
And I am sad for them
But they do not see me
I do not know why
But I am glad that they do not see me
It would be worse for them if they did

A turn is coming up
We are moving past the train
And moose are ahead now
In the way of our sleigh
They are all looking at me
Into my eyes
I don’t want to hit them
There are many of them
And they scatter
No casualties


But now there are antelope ahead
They are all looking at me too
We will hit them if they don’t move
There are many more of them than there were of the moose
We are passing them now
They have scattered also
No casualties

But ahead again!
More animals
Goats this time
Only a few
They are looking at me
I can tell, somehow
They are trying to move
But they are slow, too slow probably
I am getting anxious
They are moving slowly, and they are scared
Two have gotten away now
But one remains

We hit it!
I can see the corpse behind us
It’s mangled and getting smaller as we move away
I’ll look away
It was my fault, somehow

The train is well behind now
And on a different course
I can see it moving into the mountains
We are moving around a turn
I cannot see around the bend
The trees are obstructing my vision
Hopefully there are no more animals
That we could kill

Now I see water
It is a small pond
It is directly in our path
It is unavoidable
We will crash in that pond
I brace myself
And we crash


I am in the water now
The pond is surrounded by many animals
Both dead and alive
Squirrels, raccoons, deer, sparrows, others
Both dead and alive
The grass is lush, and the surrounding mountains create the illusion of a cave
I see the train in the far distance
Crossing a bridge
The bridge is over the stream feeding this pond
The bridge is much too big for such a small stream
It also connects two mountain peaks
There are no Christmas lights on the train anymore, somehow

I hear a voice
It is a woman’s voice
That I cannot understand
And I see her now
She is mad
I don’t understand her voice, but I know
Somehow

We are all in the water
The train has gone out of sight
The woman just called herself the proprietor
I understood that, somehow
And now a man has appeared
I remember his face
But he is faceless
And I do not know from where
He is a mean man
But I cannot understand him either
He is talking about the woman
The proprietor
“She is a mermaid”
I can understand him now
We have crashed into her home
This is her pond, she says
These are her animals
But she has legs and feet
I remember the man now

The water isn’t cold or warm
It is uncomfortable and restricting
And thick
And I see something of interest on the lush grass
Amongst the animals
Both dead and alive
It is a snow globe and it is beautiful
And I shake it
And the snow falls lightly

But now I see there is a girl inside
She is playing the piano
I am out of the water now

The girl is beautiful
Her music is beautiful
And I am watching her
There is a lamp beside her
Illuminating her beautiful music
And beside her on the other side is something
A phone on a table
It is ringing
I cannot hear her music
She is still playing, ignoring the phone
But the ringing is drowning her music
Her music was beautiful

Now she has stopped playing
She is looking at the phone
It is ringing
She tries to play again but the phone will not stop
Why doesn’t she answer it?
I don’t want her to
I don’t know why
And she doesn’t

The phone stopped ringing
She is playing again
Beautifully

But now the ringing again
The phone is ringing again
She has stopped playing and is looking at the phone

She has stood up now
She has the phone in her hands
The ringing has gotten louder
She is not beautiful anymore, somehow
I miss her beauty
And her music

The phone just crashed into the piano
She threw it
And the piano collapsed
It is unplayable now
And the phone is broken, too
But still ringing
And she is pulling the cord
But it will not come unplugged
She is pulling and pulling
Pulling and pulling
It will not come unplugged
And she cannot see to where the cord goes
It goes into darkness
Away from the light of the lamp
And she is scared to travel into the darkness
And I feel her fear
But she goes
She is walking with the cord in her hand
And she is scared
The ringing phone and the broken piano behind her
She has disappeared into the darkness
I cannot see her
I need to see her
I do not know why

It has been many moments now
She is still in the darkness
The phone is still ringing
The piano is still wrecked
The ringing seems to get louder and louder
It is generic and loud
But becoming beautiful in her absence
And I miss her
She is still in the darkness
The lamp is still shining

Now all is illuminated!
The lamp is off, but light shines, somehow
I see the room
The room is full of pianos
Infinitely
The ringing has stopped
And I see her
At a wall
A white wall
With her hand on a light switch
The cord is plugged in at her feet
But there is no more ringing
And she can see too
All of the pianos
All of them surrounding her broken piano like mountains
And the ringing has stopped
And I am glad
But I do not know if she is

She is walking to another piano
She has sat down
And she is playing again
Beautifully
Her music is beautiful
But I cannot tell if she is