Half Blooded

Dear Diary,                                                              September 12, 1998 3:12 am   
  I know my secret will mess with Ricks and my relationship; I just don’t know what to tell him right now. If I had told him everything in the beginning he would have laughed in my face. How can you tell someone something that could ruin everything? I know I love him but when he finds out would he love me?
  I know if you love someone you shouldn’t have secrets. But I always find myself tongue tied with everything I’m going to say. Sometimes I just wish I wasn’t there I would just listen and hope it would pass. Maybe that’s what made him love me. The way I always listen to everything he says and the fact I seem to be a risk taker. What is there to risk, my life? If I could die from something so easy I would have done it already.
  Every inch of my body knew that he loved me. Every day I would stair out the book stores window across the street to where I used to live with my mother, and every time he would bend over just to kiss my cheek and whisper in my ear.
  It is always the same with him. He always seemed like he was worried but would never have the courage to speak up afraid that it might piss me off. I asked him why he doesn’t ask a lot of things anymore, He never answered just kissed me. I understand he doesn’t like my thinking of mother because she started drinking and beating my brother Victor and I when my father died. And that’s all I usually think about.
  It took a while till I got used to the whole dating him and everything. Being scared to love him was one of my faults. Thing is that I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems and I told him this… He laughed saying everyone has them and he doesn’t care about them.
  Being in love with him was all I have now. I can’t depend on my family with my mother drinking and my brother trying to keep her sane.
  Dairy everything started three years ago. When I found out I was a werewolf. It wasn’t easy to live with knowing I was a vicious wolf creacher. I didn’t know in the beginning all I knew was I was growing stronger with each day that passed. I got into a fight with my older brother Brad and turned into a little wolf. I didn’t know it at the time because I couldn’t remember anything that happened.
    That next day my mother said it was normal that all werewolves in our family went threw the same thing. She told me that when you first turn into a werewolf you are a little wolf cub. Due to your body isn’t used to the change just yet and when I use my wolf form more often it will grow stronger and I will become a full werewolf instead of a wolf.
    She told me she was sorry for keeping it from me and that she told Victor to hide it because I needed to find out on my own.
  I just couldn’t believe my mother would hide something like this from me.  My uncle Brad said that she wanted to protect me and that not every werewolf’s child has the ability to transform and turn out to be normal children.
    I didn’t know what to say I was furious. The fact that I had no idea what the hell anyone was talking about and the fact of I was an animal. I didn’t know what to do I left the house with everything I could carry hoping no one would find me.
    During that time I started staying at the park. Sleeping on the bench wasn’t that bad but every once and a while I would spot Vick sniffing around the park.
    I ended up coming back a few weeks later because my brother said our mother wasn’t doing well. But I come home to find my mother drinking and she said that my father was killed by hunters in London.
  My mother was never the same after that she just seemed to ignore the life around her. She never left the apartment unless she was out of liquor. Everything went down hill and she started losing everything slowly and the house turned into a mouse and bug infested crap hole.   
  I tried to take care of my mother the best as I could. Cleaning the house and trying to get rid of the rodents. After awhile I dreaded going home after school so I used to hang out across the street at this book store across the street. And that was when I met Rick.
  Rick was an average guy around six-two; he always kept his blond hair cut short so people could see his baby blue eyes. At first I didn’t notice him but one day I turned around and seen him staring at me. I walked up to him and try to start a conversation. He had said he was watching me wondering if I was just going to stand there or going to get something but everyday I would leave at the same time. Then he said his manager had spoke to him a few days ago wanted me to leave because he didn’t want me loitering around his store.
    I was about to walk out the door when he stopped me. He said he would like someone to hang out at the store because no one really came into the store anyway and it got kind of boring.
    Since then I stayed at the book store till closing time to hang out with him. He was always kind to me and was curious about me asking questions about myself trying to get and know me.
    We became friends after a while and we hung out almost everyday after he was done with work. I moved in with him about a year ago. A few months ago when he asked if we could be something more he had set his apartment up to be all romantic it was sweet.
  Of course I said yes. It’s rare that you meet a guy whose great looking and has a great personality that makes you smile at everything at the world.
    I didn’t know it but I was falling for him those three years. I was comfortable around him about things I couldn’t tell anyone. But that one secret that I had to hide was like claws on a fox trying to scratch their way out of my stomach.
    Now and then I would go into the apartment and it would be different. He would never have everything in the same place as he did before. And it always bugged me that he never had a bed. He always told me it was because he liked sleeping on the floor unless I wanted a bed.
    I didn’t stay much on a conversation so every time I brought it up I would change it to something else. He told me sometimes he wishes I would do that about something’s I’m stubborn about.
    I never got what he meant by that but what’s new? I never get a lot of things I’m the type of person who forgets the good things that happen and remember only the bad. I tried a few times to remember the good but I seemed to numb at the times they happen.
    I just wish I could remember good things now and then because when he asks me about things he liked doing with me Id bring up what happened that was bad while doing it. I cried so much around him because I just can’t focus on the good things because everything seemed to crash in my face.
    All he seems to do is tell me it will be alright and comfort me. But tonight I we had an argument and I just fell asleep while arguing. I loved when he got mad because all that happened was his body would go pale and his eyes seemed to glow red. We went to an art show in Creston and he thought it was nice. I’m not really into going to Creston there is a group there of vampires that notice me off the bat but the only thing I don’t get is why they never bug me. They see Rick and the turn away ignoring me. Dairy I know it’s been long since we last talked but I’m getting tired and I need to finish some paperwork for Greg.                                         
                                                            Yours True Dairy,
                                                                    Veralina Calvin

                                          Chapter one:
 
  This morning was different I could feel it deep in my bones. The sun shining threw the window in the living room beating down at my face. Rick was already awake making breakfast. I could smell the mouth watering bacon that filled the air. Being a werewolf made it quiet difficult to control my drooling I would just start having saliva dripping down my chin.  I always manage to stop before someone noticed it.
    I sat up to look over the couch at him his blond hair seemed to glow today and his body seemed to be less tense then last night he spoke up with a few words. “Good morning Vera.” He turned the stove top down and walked over to me and pressed his lips to mine. “Sleep well my dear?”
    I smiled “I sleep great. But I didn’t go to bed till around 3:15.” I yawned then looked at the clock on the wall it was 8:05.
    He hurried back to the kitchen to set the bacon on a plate then pulled out some biscuits from the oven. “Why did you stay up that late? I thought you would have been tired after we went to that art show in Creston.” He pulled out two black square plates from the white cupboards and placed them on the counter. Picking up two biscuits placing one on each plate he reached for the bacon.
    “Well last night I fell asleep on the way back here and when I woke up when we got back I couldn’t sleep. I don’t know why I just couldn’t.” I stretched then stood up from the couch.
  “You know I worry about you not getting enough sleep. I just hate when you start growling. It kind of freaks me out a bit.” He moved into the dinning room and placed the plates on his small round redwood table.
    I shivered a bit. “I know. I think I’ve had enough sleep I had time to catch up on my dairy and some paperwork due this weekend for Greg. I’m half way finished I should be done with it by tomorrow.” I walked to the table and sat down on the wooden chair crossing my legs beneath me. I started eating the biscuit on my plate before I noticed he wasn’t eating. “Rick? What’s the matter? You’re not eating…”
  He turned and faced me his blue eyes looked depressing. I could tell there was something bugging him. “It’s nothing Vera I’m just thinking.”
  I bit my bottom lip so hard it started to bleed. “What are you thinking about?” I let the blood drip from my lip.
    He stared at my bleeding lip then reached over to kiss me. I found it quiet awkward when he started sucking on my bottom lip. “How much I wish we could get out of this town. I don’t like living so close to your mother. I even hate the fact I work across the street to where you used to live.”
    I looked across at him curiously. “What happened before we left for Creston that has you wanting to leave? Have you seen her? Or was it Vic?”
    “I seen your mother a few days ago buying liquor at the supermarket. She was talking to the guy at the counter. When she noticed me she just glared. Then when I left the store she found me right before I started heading to work. She told me that I should leave you before she takes matters in her own hands. I’m sorry Vera but your mother frightens me. Every time I see her she says something so… so…” He paused.
    “I’m sorry Rick. But we can’t leave we barely have money as it is. There’s no place to go. And if you suggest we move by your fathers I’m going to have to refuse. I only met your old man once in my life and he freaks me out. I know that you love your father I just don’t think he likes me. He seems so different he looks young for his age I haven’t met someone who looks at me like I’m a meal.”
  “I know how you feel about him. And I do agree about that he’s a bit strange but you have to get used to him. I want you to feel comfortable but I want out of this crap hole.”
    “I don’t know how clear to make it Richard I don’t want to leave!”
    “Why do you want to stay?”
    “I have friends here and I don’t know where else to go. I won’t know anyone and it’s hard to make new friends when you have nothing planed out. I have no worries here just to stay away from my mother and that’s been doing great since you saw her. No one asked you to listen to her and no one asked you to take it literally” I started growling.
    “So what your saying is that it doesn’t bug you that she would say something like that?”
    “I wouldn’t say that Richard just I wouldn’t take it so personal.”
    “You know what Vera… You’re right.” He smiled
    “I wish you didn’t worry so much Rick. I care about you and I hate when you act like this it worries me.”
    He stood up and grabbed my plate. “I know Vera.” He walked into the kitchen with our plates and turned on the sink.
    I walked into the kitchen and stood behind him while he washed the dishes. “Need any help?” I wrapped my arms around his waist and kissed his back.
      “No thank you.” He dried the dishes and turned to me. Kissing my forehead he hugged back. “I’m already finished.”   
      I cuddled into his chest. “We can leave when you want to and I’ll try living by your fathers if you want.”
      “It’s ok I like staying here… It’s not so bad all I need to do is get another job away from the book store.”
      “No I like the book store and Greg said he would let you have the store when he retires. You’ve been working there since you where four-teen if you left you would have wasted six years there.”
      “Your right… I only have a few more years till I can have the store. You know I love you Vera.”
        My eyes widened. “You what?” he swore he wouldn’t say that. “You swore you would never say that. When we started being friends you asked me what is the worse thing someone can say to you I love you was what I said. You remember?”
      His eyes darkened. “I know but I feel like I’m missing something every time I talk to you. Did you not like me saying that this time? You’re blushing not growling, trying to kill me, or trying to run into the restroom and lock the door.”
        “So... It just means I have to do something to make you not love me.” I smiled sweetly.
        “There is nothing you can do to stop it.”
        “Want to bet me?”
        “I don’t have to I already know.”
        “That so?”
        “Yes because I let you get always with a lot of things which bug me.”
        “Like what?”
        He picked me up and kissed my lips. “It’s things for me to know and you not to.”
        I started giving him puppy dog eyes. “Awe your mean! I want to know what I need to change.”
        “Change?” He chuckled. “There is nothing you need to change.” He sat down on the couch and let me sit on his lap.
        “I love you too Rick.”