I Burned It

I burned it, scorned it, watched it as it turned to ashes.
And I knew, without a doubt, what it meant –
Inhaled the dirty scent, and away my mind went.
To yesteryear, my home right here, where you appear
Laughing, the joy lit in your eyes, I now despise, everything
I ever knew about you – lies?  Perhaps, maybe, who knew –

I can’t say I do because I don’t, I won’t, I wouldn’t if you
Begged; not now.

I watched it burning – yearning for the lost, tossed into the fire.
And I remembered everything, nothing, something
And the tears came with the shame and the blame
But I wiped them away and held my pain at bay
Refusing to let you get the best of me, the rest of me,
I testily disagree and take it all back – or did you give it?
It doesn’t matter anymore – never really did before –
It was all laid out on the floor – and you smashed it.

You can blame me if it makes you feel better – don that
Blameless sweater and hope it never unwinds.  Behind
That mask you wear, it’s there, all that truth bottled up
And sold to the highest bidder as a lie – when did you get so high
upon that horse?  The source, I’m sure, looks
To you like a friend with no end but shall I lend you my
Knife?  It’s your life, after all.  Don’t fall on the broken edges
Of reality they’ve placed around your face.

Yes, I burned it.  The words of my heart fell apart in the fire;
I desired it; in the end, I admired it.  So easy came the flames
To burn away the names etched in my mind.  It died.  I cried
When I said goodbye.  No more.  I’ve closed the door.
Indecency.  I won’t tolerate the brush off; the back burner
Only simmers so long – I was only so strong – I tried to hold on.
I failed.  You failed.  We failed.  Together.  Worlds apart.
Nothing will be the same – it remains – unchanged.

I burned it.  To ashes; dust; nothing left but the rust.
I burned it.  Laughed and cried while that part of me died.
I burned it.  Said a mighty “fuck you” while the flames
Licked my wounds and soothed my shattered ego.  We go
Way back – before any of them took a breath; through
Life and death.  We were, once, beautiful and forgiving,
Living and loving and laughing.  We were.  But
I burned it.  Like the book – friendship in ashes.