life continues on

         The room around me is black and I am drenched in sweat. I’m not sure what’s happened. I can’t see anything and my thoughts are scrambled. I can see a reflection from the street lamps on the wall across the room and it is showing me some pictures. I can’t hear anything except my own breathing and it frightens me. I think I’m at home but why I am not in bed in my room is confusing, what is this. I struggle to sit up and wipe the sweat from my for head, the room is my home but am I still dreaming? A car drives by and I catch a glimpse of the entire room before I’m plunged back to the darkness. I can see the room a bit better but I can’t stand up. It’s kind of fuzzy as I fight to stand. There is a glass of water on the table in front of me and I need it. I step for it and struggle to remain up, I can’t seem to focus at all, what is this. Victory, I find the water but my fingers freeze as I lift and the water tips and spills across the long dark table, the cup rolls over the edge and smashes on the hard wood floor. The wall aluminates again with another passing car, my eyes focus and I see a wall full of pictures. Is that my family? Am I at home?


         Wobbly but confident I move to the wall that was moments ago bright and feel for the picture I saw. I’m so confused and don’t understand why I feel like this. I can feel other pictures but not the big one; my hands slide across the dark wall dropping the pictures to the ground. Is this it? I look around and see a window across from me and that’s where the lights are coming from, I want to see this picture. I move slowly towards the window and something is under my foot. I can feel it cutting my foot but it doesn’t hurt me. At last I find the window and turn to use the light. Is this my family? Who are these people? Is this me? What’s going on?

         
         I can see a beautiful family and my heart fills with a strange feeling, a strange confusion. Who are these people, is it me and my family? I look around the room and I can see it in the day light full of happiness. I see someone; I’m playing with two kids. Is that me with my kids? A woman walks in to the room and gives the man a kiss. Is that me? I feel a deep ache in my chest, it hurts but I think this is love. I want that kiss, I need that kiss. I can feel the pure happiness everywhere and I’m lost in the darkness again. What is that smell, sweet smell of a long familiar perfume, comforting my nostrils and calming my thoughts. Another car drives by and the room is bright again. It looks the same as I saw in the day. Was that my wife and kids? Was it me who felt that loving touch of affection? It feels so familiar and I can feel so much hope. I imagine the kiss as if it was happening again, so sweet and I can smell her like I’m holding her. What is happening here? Why am I here? Where are they?


         Where have I been? I feel lost. There is an unbelievably sharp pain through my leg and I realize I’m standing in a pool of something warm. I need to sit down. I can barley walk but I manage to reach the couch I woke from. When I sit I remember being tackled by the kids from the vivid encounter only moment’s ago. I smile with happiness and lift my foot. There is a large piece of broken glass embedded in my foot and I cringe to pull it out. I hope those are my kids. I can feel my eyes filling with tears and I can only hope, only pray that this is my family. Where have I gone to? I can’t think properly. I imagine the feeling of those little people enveloping me in there energetic hugs, there with there mom watching us lovingly. My tears are streaming now I think because I’m so confused about all these emotions. Why can’t I remember anything? I should remember my family. The pain is too much.


         Those must be my kids. That must be me with them. My tears seem to succeed and I am completely over come by joy. I try to stand but my leg doesn’t work and I fall onto the table in front of me. Amidst my hysteria of tears, pain and laughter I roll from the table to the floor and it hurt, but not enough to stop this feeling. I roll a few times and imagine the two kids jumping around me and rolling with me. My laughter takes over and all I thing about is them. Where are they?


         My laughter recedes and I am back in the blank darkness. I have rolled to lay beside the table I fell over in my hysteria. I just lay there trying to remember, trying to piece together these memories. Once again a car lights the room and I see something hanging half off the table right above my face. I reach up for it and pull it to me. It’s the picture I pulled from the wall in the first moments of my seeming consciousness. This has to be my family. I look at the picture in the blankness and see it from my memory. I decide that this is my family. The most rational thing I can hold onto in this dark confusion. I must remember there names. My wife, my kids… My family.


         “Hello! Help!” I need something to make sense. “Is anyone there?” I’m trying to yell but I don’t know if I am. Wait, what’s that. I can hear something. My eyes flinch with the shock of light from another room, and again from the room I’m in.
         “John! What happened?” I fight to open my eyes and I see a woman. Its not the same woman, this one’s hair is all white and she’s old. “Who are you?” Am I speaking or thinking.
         “It’s me John, Julia your wife.” She kneels beside me and I remember. “Julia!” I am so happy to see her, I’m ok. She fills my nose with her sweet smell and leans down to kiss me. Wow, how I longed for that kiss, this is my wife. From the picture but, she’s aged.
         “Lets get you cleaned up and get you back to bed honey.” But … what…” what about Peter… and Sarah?” I remembered!
         “There at home john, their all grown up. They’ll be here for dinner tomorrow honey, with the children.” The children, I’m a grandpa, I remember.