The plea or the suicide

A light flickers,
Sometimes,you yearn to forget what was passed
to hold a moment everlasting in your arms,
and just exist in the present
sorrow and misery are distorted,in one instant
memory burned into your brain seems lucid
just letting yourself flow,catching the rythm
and just to be the Catcher in the Rye
to be alone and solemn
just to hear your own voice reverberating
feel the echo of your thoughts not pounding against your skull
but breaking free in a rupture,
would mean to shatter the pillars of a conventional world
and to know,victory is yours eternally
then it never was that the people understood-
and it never will be
but as long as you can stand and perceive,
to close your eyes and rest in yourself,
not to think-
but then,disruption,voices,screaming
accusations,bitterness,blunder
or just a normal conversation
and I know to dream about something that will never happen
that no one understands
just makes you aware how alone you are
and how idle it is to dream and how useless to hope,
A Light diminishes