Longing for Loneliness

Longing for Loneliness

As I sit here in my bed, I wonder, am I lonely because I am alone, or am I lonely because I have no option in the matter.  I must be alone.  I must understand what its like to be on my own two feet.
Alas, no one to woo over.  I wonder what that feels like.  No one to miss, or be broken hearted over, I wonder what that feels like also.  Or, are we always supposed to be longing for that something extra.  Is there a part of our psyche that fantasises about more.  Why is more better?  Is it the natural urge to have everything we want; a mechanism for which there is no resolution, only desire.  Is it what drives us? Does this depress us?
Are there any answers in life, or just questions which are rhetorical. Is my life rhetorical, or am I bored.  Maybe I’m not motivated to find the answers.  Maybe I’m looking for the easy way out, which means I’ll never truly learn about myself.  Are these actually desires, or just a means to which I don’t have to worry, just be safe… again.
My desires aren’t safe though.  They are to experience the hardest of human emotions. Trust.  Giving yourself up to someone and asking them to do the same in return.  I guess that’s why other people may seem to be scared of that.  Letting go of all that is conspiring, in their own minds, to hurt them.
Who is at fault? No one.  Was it meant to be?  Of course not.  Or is it, yet we’re too scared to admit it.  Fear of the actions, reactions, consequences, emotions and helplessness that is absolved by it.  Is it because, overall, the whole process of it all is too complex?  Should it be natural, justified only by a common desire to be desired.  Maybe.  This approach, however, seems not only flawed, as desires change over time, but also unrealistic, because two people can never be so attuned to each other that fear and despair will never creep in.  After all, we are all individuals.
If we are individuals, why do we search long and hard for that other person?  Why is it so required, that we are willing to be safe and secure once we find it? What are we afraid of?  Loneliness?  I am alone now and already I’m into the far reaches and depths of my mind with no way out.  It could be the coffee talking, but I’m overly stimulated by this thought.  Is it what we all always think about when we’re alone; why are there no answers to rhetorical questions?  Maybe we’re afraid to answer them, because by answering them we’ll see ourselves as people who cannot make it alone in life.  But answering them will also bring us one step closer to finding that true soul mate.  Therefore, we’re afraid to answer them because we’re afraid to find our soul mate.  Because that will be safe.  Because we are lonely, and by definition, we are lonely because we are unable to find true happiness within ourselves, which is why we long for more.