Make New Friends... Screw the Old

Socially awkward. That's me in two words. How anyone could ever mistake it for snobbery is still a mystery to me, but hey, what do I know? At least I'm not a loud socially awkward kid. You know, the ones who don't know that everyone thinks they were raised by wolves. Nope, I'm the quiet type. And somehow Jacky had managed to talk me into driving her to a party full of people I didn't know. Great. And what does she do? Immediately leaves me to fend for myself. Some best friend she is!
And for a boy... Jacky goes through boys so quickly that no matter how much she fawns over this one, I can't help but see it as a big elaborate ruse. Who is she trying to fool? I know I've never seen her last long in a relationship. She gets smothered, because for whatever reason she always attracts the smothering types. How do I get that kind of luck? I always get the asshole types, so I fail to comprehend her problem with attentive boyfriends.
The worst part is that I was supposed to get to drink and have fun tonight. She's supposed to be the DD. But I already saw her with a drink in her hand, and I know what that means.
I've been leaning up against a kitchen counter for three hours now, looking at the shabby floor tiles and the pinkish refrigerator. What is it about rental houses and shitty floors? There's always someone in here to talk to, but I feel like they're rotating in and out so no one is stuck with me for too long. I can't help that I'm shy, and drunk strangers aren't the easiest people to have meaningful conversations with.
Finally Jacky walks in.
"HEY! I know I said you could drink.... tonight... I'm sorry... I always do this, don't I?"
"Yep, sure do."
"I'm sorry, I'm having fun though! Are you having fun? Did you see how Ryan was holding my hand and stuff? He's soooo cute! We've been out sitting on a swing in the backyard all night talking and it's been great, he's so cool. You look kind of bored, I'm sorry, just a little longer, okay? Later!"
Funny how she can ask so many questions that she doesn't want to know the answer to in rapid succession. This was also about the fourth time she had told me "just a little longer." I was starting to accept the fact that my ass might be permanently attached to the counter by the time Jacky finally tired of her new toy.
What irritated me the most was that Jacky is NOT socially awkward, as in she knew full well that I was not having any fun and wanted to go home. I was making no effort to hide it. I told her from the beginning that I didn't want to go to this party, but she insisted that she couldn't go alone. She'd only know like three people! Heaven forbid... so now I'm stuck here by myself because she's off in some dark corner with the boy. If I'd known she would ditch me immediately, and for this long, I would have made someone else come too. Or I would have developed a migraine... a terribly convenient migraine...
Truth be told, I wish I could go out to parties and be the social butterfly like Jacky. I've been making a solid attempt at going out more and making new friends. There's just so much new going on right now, it's a little overwhelming. Leaving home is hard, especially when you go far enough away that you can't see your parents on a regular basis. I like school, school is familiar and comfortable (though considerably more difficult at the collegiate level). I revel in the new challenges brought by my musical education! Sadly my social education was a little lack-luster in comparison.
How long has it been now? Four hours? Christ, this is starting to get ridiculous.
Enter Jacky, stage left!
"HEY! So Ryan and I are totally going to hang out tomorrow, isn't that AWESOME! Wow, you look tired."
"Gee, you sweet-talker you."
"Are you ready to go now?"
Breath. Breath. She's drunk, don't get angry, it won't do you any good.
"Yeah, I'm definitely ready, I'm going to fall asleep any second."
"Ooookay... let me go say bye to Ryan. You go ahead out to the car, I'll meet you there!"
"Excellent."
And now I get to walk by myself through the living room/front room (in a college town, can you really call that room with two ratty couches and a trashcan full of beer bottles a "living room"?) all by myself, feeling weird because it seems like I should say goodbye to someone, but I don't know anyone. People are watching me leave, so I feel like I should say something, but who says bye to complete stranger? I'll wave.
Yep, it was just as dorky and awkward as I'd imagined. But at least it wasn't as bad as if I had said goodbye, and then people would feel obligated to say bye back, and then as soon as the door clicked they'd turn to one another and say "Who's that girl again?"
Being outside in the dark by myself is strangely soothing. The empty car has no social expectations. It will not laugh at me, or feel sorry for me.
I lean up against the car, and the pose seems infinitely better than leaning up against the kitchen counter in the vaguely pink, crappy kitchen. Looking at the house from the outside, it actually looks kind of nice. It has one of those round sections that kind of looks like a castle tower, with the pointy roof. It also has a nice wrap-around porch. It probably only looks nice at night; I imagine during the day it looks like every other house rented to college students. But at night it was lovely. Or maybe I'm just that relieved to be away from it.
Where the devil is Jacky? It doesn't take that long to say goodbye if you only know three people. If she's fooling around with that boy while I'm waiting out here by myself in the dark in the middle of an unfamiliar neighborhood, so help me God...
Ah, she's on the porch with that girl... her new "friend." I could tell immediately that Kelly was trouble. The way she looked, the way she held herself, the way she talked, it all screamed "I'M A RAGING BITCH!" Jacky thought she was sweet. Jacky is trouble on her own, I always have to babysit her. The last thing I need is for her to start picking up friends like Kelly. I'll be bailing her out of jail in no time... Jacky has only known Kelly for like a week, but she's already acting like Kelly is the "coolest person ever." And her boyfriend is skeezy, he hits on Jacky all the time. It's only a matter of time before he does something that goes too far, and then Kelly's claws will come out. It's only a matter of time.
FINALLY she's wandering over.
"So Kale, listen, I think I want to spend the night here tonight."
That. Is. It. I'm going to kill her.
"Are you serious? You made me stay here for four and a half hours when you don't need me to take you home?? And you ditched me immediately? What exactly was I here for?"
"Oh stop being like that, you had fun!"
"NO. I didn't even want to go, but I came because you insisted. Now you will at least do me the courtesy of getting in the damned car and going home with me."
"But Kelly said I can sleep here with her and her boyfriend, and Ryan will stay over too so I can spend more time with him!"
"You barely know her, and you don't know him at all! I will not leave you here with a couple guys you don't know while you're drunk! Get in the car!"
"Fine. Just let me go tell Kelly."
"Fine."
And I'm back to leaning on the car. And gripping my fists together as tightly as a I can so I don't completely beat the shit out of her. God, what kind of friend would I be if I just left her drunk ass here with a girl she's known for a week and two guys that she's known for two days? She'll get raped or something, and it'll be my fault. Plus I waited here for hours for her inconsiderate ass, leaned up against that Godforsaken counter... My ass hurts and I want to sit down normally! Actually, I really want to be in bed. I'm freaking tired.
Oh hell no... why is Jacky bringing Kelly over here with her?? I'm not driving that bitch anywhere, so I hope she isn't planning on coming with us.
"Hey Kale, I really want Jacky to stay over tonight. I promise I'll take good care of her. She can even sleep in Ben's bed with me if she wants to. She'll be totally okay, you don't have to worry."
"Fine."
Jacky speaks up...
"You're mad! Why are you mad? Why can't I stay? If you're going to be a bitch about it I'll fucking go home!"
Pouting. She has no right to pout. And she had no right to have Kelly come out here and make me out to be Jacky's mother or something. I know I'm red. I'm embarrassed and I don't even know why. I mean, who wouldn't look out for their friend? Somehow the two of them are making me feel bad about it though.
"No. Stay."
"But you're all mad!"
"And you'll be mad if I make you go home. And I'm mad enough at you right now that I don't really want to be in a car with you. You know this is a bad decision."
"Can't we talk about it tomorrow? I don't know why you're making such a big deal out of this."
"Stay. Do whatever you want."
"I don't want you to be mad at me."
"Well it's too damn late for that. Good night."
I'm not waiting for a response. Get in the car, drive away, try not to kill anyone with my fury. She thinks she'll hear about it tomorrow. She won't, because I have no desire to speak to her. I have an official laundry list of shitty, stupid things she's done tonight to piss me off. It's going to take me at least a week to cool down. Maybe I'll just start hanging out with Shelly. She drives me fucking nuts, but at least she's not grossly inconsiderate. Maybe I need to try harder with those new social skills... My current friends suck, I need replacements.