Solitude as a Coping Mechanism...

Everyone deals with death in their own special way. Sometimes they find others who go through the same actions reserved for getting past the loss of a loved one, but more often they feel as if no one else knows w hat they are feeling and none could possibly understand the need to do this or that. There are many mechanisms for us to use to overcome our grief: from drugs and alcohol to therapy and support groups to bad poetry. It is my belief that Montaigne used writing to deal with the death of his friend.

In his essay “Of Solitude,” Montaigne seems angry. In a way I can sympathize with Montaigne’s anger. In September my great aunt passed away and exactly two months later to the day, my grandmother died. While the anger I felt was because my grandmother did not seek treatment for the various cancers she had until it was too late, I believe Montaigne’s anger at his stems from just the fact that his friend died. More to the fact, Etienne de la Boetie was not just any friend of Montaigne’s, but the friend. “Of Friendship” was written to describe the friendship between Montaigne and Boetie. In “Of Solitude,” Montaigne lets out some of his anger towards the death of his friend.

Montaigne proclaims “Our own death does not frighten us enough? Let us burden ourselves also with that of our wives, our children, and our servants.” in his essay “Of Solitude.” Exclamations as such push that feeling of anger. How dare our friendship come to an end! How dare my friend die! This is just one feeling derived from the essay.

Another, more prominent emotion flowing throughout the essay is simple selfishness. In “Of Solitude,” Montaigne advises the reader to “cut loose from all the ties that bind us to others” and to “win from ourselves the power to live really alone and to live that way at our ease.” He seeks to distance himself and others away from everything and everyone that normally holds significant meaning to people. He states that we all must “talk and laugh as if without wife, without children, without possessions, without retinue and servants, so that, when the time comes to lose them, it will be nothing new to us to do without them.” Montaigne seeks to devalue everything that makes life worth living. This mental distancing is his way of ensuring that nothing and no one will be able to hurt him ever again. Even though it is human nature to protect ourselves, Montaigne seeks not to protect himself but, in essence, alienate everyone so never again will he hurt and that is where he becomes selfish. He comes across as very ‘take what you can and the heck with the rest of the world.’ Montaigne tells the reader to distance themselves from the world but take in what pleasures come their way, as long as they do not become attached or dependent on the pleasure. He uses the reasoning that to go to complete mental solitude is to be happy, but apathy is more likely to come from putting so much space between oneself and loved one and favorite things.

Of course with selfishness there is always at least a hint of arrogance. For some reason many authors and others dealing with the written word have a sense of superiority about them. The death of Boetie seems to have caused Montaigne’s arrogance to increase. Montaigne’s disdain for others elevates his sense of self-importance, as if because he wishes to push everything of value away from him makes him better than those who embrace love and life.

For the most part is it difficult to sympathize with Montaigne in his essay “Of Solitude” due to his “screw the world” tone. It is natural for humans to be upset at the death of a loved one, especially when you are particularly close to them as in the case of Montaigne and Boetie. Many people talk about the different stages of grief, but from my experience there are no true stages only grief. Some people never accept the death of someone, or they may not go into shock and denial. “Of Solitude” seems to reflect stage three: anger and bargaining. Naturally he is angry because his friend is dead. The bargaining portion comes in with Montaigne’s push for solitude: I will not be hurt if I never again become close to another person and if I do not become dependent on any form of pleasure.

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Professor didn't like the title, so any suggestions on a new one? Made a C on this one.