She Always Knew

Project Write World entry

Prompt: Picture of woman and baby



She Always Knew



         Whatever happened to girl’s homes and a little shame?  It was gone now, she thought.  No one cared if a girl got pregnant at sixteen, and out of wedlock.  She didn’t either, or wouldn’t if she hadn’t been told she was infertile.  Now, all she wanted was a baby,  preferably her own, but adoption wasn’t out of the question.  These girls end up keeping their babies, though, or their mommas take custody.  Or they quit school and run around town with babies on their hips and thinking nothing of it.  Gone are the Catholic maternity homes that whisk a baby off to the loving arms of adoptive parents and leave the teenager empty handed with a great big secret and tales of a summer at Aunt Jean’s in Nebraska.  In the South, back in the day, you didn’t have girls admitting they lost their virginity.  You had parents who defended their daughter’s honor, even if it took a threat or bribe to keep the dirty little secret from getting out. 



         Kay was still ruminating about the problems of teenage pregnancy in her little Alabama town when she got to the office after a morning at the county health department.  She was a social worker in a small town and she loved her job, most of the time anyway, but  there were limits to what an infertile woman can put up with. 



Her phone was ringing as she dropped her purse beside her desk.  It was Annie, a teenage foster child she worked with who in labor.  The girl had no one but she was adamant about keeping that baby.  How she would raise it was anybody’s guess.  But, it wasn’t her problem.  Her only problem was begging a foster parent to take mom and baby together or else the baby would have to be put in foster care also.  That was tomorrow’s job.  Today, all Kay had to do today was keep herself together. 



               Annie asked Kay the week before if she would help her through labor.  What Annie didn’t know was that Kay was still feeling the sting from her latest miscarriage just a few months before.  It was an early one and she hadn’t told anyone at work. Still, it was there.  Raw.  Recent.  The third in just as many years.  But Annie asked her.  That was something special and in fifteen years as a social worker, it was the first time anyone asked her to be there when she had a baby.  So Kay grabbed her purse and signed out.  Then she fought that burning sensation behind her eyes and willed herself to staunch the tears.  This wasn’t her kid and it wasn’t her baby.  She was there for Annie. That’s it.  Nothing more. 



         When she arrived, the nurses showed her to the sink to wash her hands and directed her to Annie’s bed.  She had Annie in her caseload for over four years and was as close to a momma as Annie ever had.  She drove her from group home to group home, dealt with her sarcasm and smart mouth, and handed her tissues when she was upset with her real momma, who showed up out of the blue and then disappeared just as fast.    Annie made her wonder sometimes whether or not she wanted kids but the answer was always “yes,” no matter how trying Annie and the others could be.  Anyway, Kay thought, a child of hers would be hers from the beginning and wouldn’t go through what Annie had survived.  Now, Annie was about to be a mother and Kay was apprehensive about her prospects.  Not to mention just a little bit jealous. 



         “Ms. Kay, I’m seven centimeters!  I’m almost there. Uh-Oh.  Here it comes again.  Quick! Hold my hand.”  Kay grabbed her hand and let Annie squeeze as hard as she could.  Feeling bones shifting, she hoped this labor would move along quickly.  The nurse said she was already seven centimeters when she got there and the contractions were regular, and too far along to do an epidural.  Kay felt a little sorry for the kid.  Just as Kay was forgetting her own self-pity, Annie calmed down enough between contractions to ask, “Ms. Kay, don’t you want kids?  You almost too old, ain’t you?  You best get on with it. “ Annie was white but you wouldn’t know it listening to her.



         Kay laughed, trying to cover the other emotions clamoring to get out.  “Is your mother coming?  It’s fine, you know, for her to come see you here.  I can write something in your chart to allow it if you want.  As long as she doesn’t take you or the baby out of the hospital, it’s fine.  You want to call her?”



         “Lord, no, Ms. Kay.  She’s so mad at me she can’t see straight.” 



“Why, because you got pregnant?”



“Shoot, I wish.  Naw, that didn’t make her blink an eye, Ms. Kay.  She’s mad because the baby’s daddy’s black, that’s why.  She’s so backward, I swear.  Nobody cares anymore if you black or white or in-between around here.  Half my school is bi-racial.  She’s just like her own daddy and he was a real jerk.  Wore them sheets, you know.  Anyway, that’s why she so mad at me.  Says that ain’t her grandbaby and I better not be calling her to come pick it up.  She said I better give that baby up or I’ll have you folks in my hair forever.  She’s tired of ya’ll tellin’ her when to pee in a cup or go to them classes.  Man, here we go again.  Can’t ya’ll give me something for this pain?”



After the next examination, the nurse announced that Annie was still seven centimeters and holding.  Kay managed to talk the nurse into at least asking the doctor if Annie could get something for pain so she could rest.  She was tough but wiry, and bravery aside, she was pleading for relief.  The labor also seemed to have stalled a bit.  The nurse realized the baby was caught in the birth canal.  They were waiting on the sonogram machine currently in use just down the hall.  The doctor decided to go ahead with an IV in the event they would have to do an emergency C-section so he also agreed on an epidural as well, with just a small dose of medication to take the edge off.  Annie was exhausted, and with the added relief of the medicine, she drifted off. 



Unfortunately, that gave Kay just enough time for her mind to drift back to the path trod earlier in the day.  Kay thought about what Annie said, how times have changed.  Kay remembered her mother telling stories about girls who were practically tricked-they were sent away to a home to hide the pregnancy from nosey communities.  They gave the girl prenatal care and discretion in exchange for signing over their baby.  Then some unfortunate and infertile couple would wait by the phone for two weeks, waiting with hungry arms and cautiously hopeful hearts for the mother to change her mind.  They didn’t even get the baby until that time was over.  Some other foster parent kept them for those two weeks.  What Kay wouldn’t do for a chance to be on the receiving end of that exchange. 



Sure, adoption had been considered but Kay wasn’t ready to stop trying on her own.  Her husband wasn’t so keen to raise someone else’s child but was more afraid of getting attached and having the child taken away when the girl changed her mind.  The problem is that that now, the adoptive couple gets the child straight from the hospital, in a private adoption, that is.  Then they try to enjoy and share the baby with family, while at the same time, being scared out of their wits that the mom will change her mind or that some unnamed father will find out about the baby and come to the rescue on the thirteenth day.



         “Excuse me, Miss.  Its time.  If you’ll just take her hand, the doctor will be in directly.”  A young nurse with a blonde pony tail and pretty face, but for the bad teeth, started prepping the tray for the birth.  Out came the forceps and some other instruments that resembled a scene in gory medical drama.  Kay felt her head swim for a moment but gathered herself and took Annie’s hand.  “Here we go, kiddo, I got ya.”  Kay tried to be as supportive as possible, although the little demon on her shoulder was still blabbing, “It’s not fair, sixteen year olds popping babies and you can’t even stay pregnant.”  Kay shook the little guy off into the floor, the little demon, metaphorically speaking.  She was here for Annie.  Here for Annie.  Here for Annie. The mantra continued in her head to keep the more disturbing thoughts at bay. 



         A child is born and a girl becomes a woman, a mother to boot.  Kay marveled at the whole experience.  She thought it bordered on the macabre, but it was a miracle nonetheless.  Not to mention virtually impossible physically that a six pound baby could fit through a child weighing 100 lbs sopping wet, and that was at the height of her pregnancy.  There was a God and he was in this room, she mused.  She also gave up the fight to keep the tears back.  What woman doesn’t cry at time like this?  Who would suspect the depth of her sorrow? 



Annie, that’s who.  “What you lookin’ so sad for, Ms. Kay? You look like your dog done died.” 



“Its nothing.  Almost that time of the month, that’s all.  I guess I’m just emotional.”  She lied to Annie, but there was no use in raining on her parade.  Not today. 



“It ain’t ‘nothin’ “, Ms. Kay.  You been looking that way since I ask you why you didn’t have no kids.  I may be young but I ain’t ignorant.  So, you just watched me giving birth. Don’t you think you can share something private with me?  What’s going on?



“You are one observant young lady, Annie.  Thank you for noticing.  I had a miscarriage a few months ago and my body just doesn’t do pregnancy well.  Never has, in fact.  But I love kids.  I was honored to be here with you.  Honored you asked me to.”  Kay figured she owed it to Annie to be truthful, since Annie practically pulled the truth right out of her. 



“I’m sorry, Ms. Kay.  I shouldn’t have ask.  I didn’t know.  I just thought all us wild kids you work for done made you stop wanting kids.  I know we probably drive you social workers crazy with all the trouble we stay in.  You always wanted kids?



         “Always.  But I got married late and I guess it made my body less able to have them.  I want them because of you guys.  You didn’t scare me off, trust me. “ Kay had to laugh at Annie.  She did wonder if she was crazy to have kids in this world but nothing so far has scared her away from trying. 



         “Annie, would you like to see your baby?  She’s all cleaned up and ready to meet her mommy.”  The blond headed nurse with the bad teeth was already bringing in a tightly wrapped and wiggling little bundle of fire.  “You gonna breast feed, hun?  If not, I better bring you a bottle.  That wee one is fit to be tied.” 



         “I’ll try to, but I don’t know how.  Can you show me?”  Annie looked at Kay and Kay looked at the nurse. 



         “I think that’s her job, Annie.  I’m going to give you two a moment to figure this out.  You sure you don’t want me to call someone?”



         “Will you call my housemother and let her know.  She said she would come over when her husband got there but someone could cover for her if the baby came earlier.  Oh, and call my momma too.  Just let her know.  If she wants to come see this grandbaby, she’s welcome to do so but you tell her I said to keep her mouth shut about the baby’s daddy.  I don’t want the first thing my baby hears in this world to be that woman’s bigoted mouth.  Oh, and Ms. Kay, you got a place I can go with the baby?  The group home said I could bring her there for six weeks.  After that, they said the baby needs to be placed somewhere else or both of us have to go.  I don’t want her to think I’m leaving her.” 



         “Sure sweetie, I have some leads and I’ll make those calls.  Be right back.”  Kay pulled out her cell phone and went to the hospital store to look for something to give the new mother.  She figured no one else would.  She also figured Annie would make a good little mom if she found the right foster parents who would teach her the basics of parenting.  The one thing Annie has learned in life is how not to be a mother.  If she used that as a lesson of what not to do, perhaps she will find the right path after all.  Kay could feel the self-pity fall away.  As much as she wanted a baby, she wouldn’t trade places for one moment with a sixteen year old who has no family and no means to raise this child.  She also knew she would have stepped up in a heartbeat and taken that baby home to raise, no matter who the daddy was.  But it wasn’t hers to raise.  Nor was Annie, though in some ways, it was her job. 



         Kay picked a pair of booties with pink bows, a pack of girl-colored onesies, and a disposable camera.  Practical and decorative, she couldn’t lose.  She threw in a chocolate bar for good measure.  A mom needs something too, she figured.  She waited for the elderly woman in the candy-striping outfit to finish wrapping the present.  She waited, and was still waiting when the house mother came in and called her name.  Kay turned around and greeted her.  “Hi.  Amanda Simmons, right?  I was just about to call you.  How did you know she had the baby?”



         “I’ve been waiting half the day for someone to meet the bus and get the kids.  I finally got hold of another house parent on the phone. She was off this week but offered to come in and entertain my girls until my husband and the night helper got there at six.  I jumped at the chance and came right over.  So, she’s had the baby already?  I was hoping to get here before the baby came.”  Were you there?  Please say she wasn’t by herself when she had the baby.”



         “I got here a few hours before the baby came.  Don’t worry.  I was here with her.  She was a real trooper.”  Kay was relieved to see the care in the woman’s eyes.  She could tell the woman genuinely wanted to be there for Annie.  “So, how did she get here to the hospital?” 



         “She was at school and got a friend to skip school after lunch and drive her to the hospital.  She’s over fourteen and they let her check herself in.  She’s already registered through Medicaid and we already got the paperwork done last week, just in case.  So, what was it?  Girl, Boy?” 



         Kay described the whole event as they walked back up to the room.  “Why don’t you let her know you’re here and I’m going to check the chart and write my number down.  I left it on Annie’s table on a napkin but who knows how long it will be before it gets chunked in the can.”



         After writing in the chart, Kay noticed the nurses in the nursery with Annie’s baby.  The nurse asked if Kay wanted to see the baby and Kay couldn’t pass this up.  She knew it would be hard but it was time to get over herself and join the human race again.  She sat in the rocking chair and the nurse handed the infant to Kay.    Rocking gently, she held the child to her chest and felt the little body rise and fall with each breath.  The baby was content and full.  Nearly sound asleep.  The warmth and heaviness on her chest made Kay realize, perhaps for the first time, that this point in a child’s life is not too late to start out.  Giving birth to a child, well, its not the same as raising one.  Maybe she would give adoption a chance. 



         “Ms. Kay? I think she likes you.  I bet she thinks you her granny.  No offense or anything, just that my momma’s your age.  That’s all.  Anyway, you gonna be a good momma someday.  I know it.  You’re gonna have you one of those.  You just wait and see.” 



A year later to the day, Kay shifted with discomfort as she watched her God-daughter, Amanda Kay, bathe herself in frosting.  Annie reached over and patted the growing belly.  “That boy gonna have him a good momma when he comes, Ms. Kay.  Don’t you worry.”  And she didn’t worry.  Annie knew.  She always knew.



SWPoet

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