Him

Him


He was so… sweet. Caring about everything I said, and somehow not
caring at the same time, about what didn't matter. He knew what to
say. Everything always made sense with him. Being there, with him,
nothing ever mattered. In his arms, inhaling his every breath into
memory, it seemed like nothing could ever change.

Being there in his car, running 90 Mph down a highway at midnight,
all I could accept was his though. Hearing his laugh and thinking how
obtuse it would have been to stay home. He was happy. He felt alive. I
could see it in his eyes, the true fire of excitement. Even with all
the dangers, I never thought that something bad could actually happen.
Nothing could ever hurt him, it never had.

I can still feel it though. A flash of light and it's all over.
Blinding you from the truth the whole time, Death turns out to be the
only thing that can actually wake you up. I'd seen the blood before,
the scars from his recklessness, but to think that nature could cause
it was impossible. Or at least I had thought it was.

As soon as it happened, I knew he was gone. Death didn't exist, not
what we think of as death, only true nonexistence. Everything was
gone. His thoughts, memories, the things only he would think of,
gone forever. Even when I heard them pull him out of the side window,
I knew I would be the only one to leave that car.

So now I'm here, when everyone else has left. Wind's blowing my hair
into tangles and slashing my face, my dress wiping circles around my
calves, eventually pulling me onto my knees. He always said he would
rot in the dirt. But he wasn't there. He wasn't anywhere. He was…
alone. He'd said everyone was lonely. I guess he was right. But the
way he said it, like it didn't matter. Like nothing ever mattered.
Maybe if he had cared, he would still exist. But then he would have
truly never lived, and death without life… that is truly nonexistence.
________________________________________
Written for my Creative Literature Class, about a very good friend of mine.
Stay Safe my Love.