Hopelessly Thinking

I woke up this morning

I wanted to die,

I couldn't move

Nor could I cry.

So I lay there and thought

Why am I still here?

I am not scared to die

My emotions show no fear.

I try reaching

For my knife,

Thinking one deep cut

Could end my life.

But my knife isn't there

And I'm not in my bed,

I'm locked up so tight

I can't move my head.

Where am I?

I'm still thinking,

It's dark and cold

But I just keep blinking.

I open my eyes

then shut them real fast,

I take one deep breath

Hoping it's my last.

But there is no breath

No air to give,

Hopelessly thinking

About this life I live.

Am I living at all?

One profound thought,

But I ask myself anyway

And figure out... I'm Not.