"Brad, I love you."

“Brad, I love you.”
By: Ariel S. Montalvan
Ferbruary 13, 2009

         In the seminary, one sure way to commit suicide is by saying I love you to a brother. Men as we are, we are always troubled whenever sentimentality confronts us. We even find it difficult and embarrassing to appreciate one’s virtue! But certain psychology books confirm that people who can freely express their emotions are the ones widely loved. In the gospel, Jesus tells his apostles how much He loved them that He even considered them his friends. But this should not be in our case right? Of course others will say, “Jesus is Jesus and Peter is Peter!” Yes, they are right. Our mentality tells us that we cannot simply correlate Jesus with Fr. Nilo and Peter with Bacordz, agree?
         Our way of thinking had already reached its ripple effect. Once a priest told me, “The problem with our archdiocese is that priests have started to lose their sense of community.” I absolutely agreed with him because I was there. Two years ago, I was assigned in a parish managed by six priests. I was so surprised to see that those priests never ate together. Never did I see them greet each other too. But my most horrible experience there happened during meals. Every meal time, whoever that priest was dining with me, he would always tell me about his companions’ dreadful acts. He would start telling me about the scandals his companions had committed. Listening to them was unbearable because all of them had something to say evil against their companions. In the seminary, I also became a witness to the conflicts between professors. Sad to note, it greatly affected me. Thank God I’m optimistic. I know there is still hope.
         Not to be able to express one’s emotion can really destroy a community. Let us go back to where the problem started. In the seminary we can all be great pretenders. Sometimes we are not that honest with ourselves. We may be friendly towards a brother but on the other side of our heads- we are already wishing him dead. We may insist on our decisions because they are for the good of the community. No, our decisions mean only for our own benefits. There may be times when we go to the chapel only to observe a brother’s mistake so that we can use it against him. I am not saying these opinions have occured. They may seem exaggerated but they are not incapable of happening. Is this the Utopia we are dreaming of? Is this what our community has become?
         Looking back to my first four years of seminary life gave me the answer to my being able to survive in this perilous journey. Being the only child in the family offered me a lot of privileges. I had all the love, the care and the attention. I thought I had everything. However, I felt something lacking in me. At an early age, I came to know that I needed a brother. As I grew older, the need for a brother became very necessary. Well, there were things which I could not just open up with my parents! I was badly in need of a companion. Then, unexpectedly, the seminary provided it for me. The greatest thing the seminary has given to me was to experience being a brother to someone. I realized that a community of brothers is that which strengthens our motivations to persevere during monstrous events in our life. A community that bears the spark of brotherhood is a true community because it allows us to transcend to each other’s mind and heart. There are no masks being worn. Everything is clear. The seminary was really a home. It was where I experience a love that will never be given by my mom or dad.
         Nowadays, my convictions about the seminary have started to fade. Those dementors that hinder us from building a good community are ever present. Only love can stop them. The best way to build an ideal community of brothers is to establish it upon love. Love must be its sole foundation. There are communities that are not founded on love- the fraternities we know. It is love that established a strong bond between Jesus and his apostles. All forms of bonds are rooted in love and they will surely last for ages.
         To love is to be honest with our feelings for ourselves and for others in a prudent way. It may be shameful for us to express our love but we must. Love can come through gestures! Appreciating one’s accomplishment or kindness is already a gesture of love. Greeting a brother with a smile or patting him on his shoulder is already a way of loving him. We cannot avoid failing. Peter failed too but we don’t have to die like Judas in the end. After all, according to Mark Twain, love seems the swiftest but is the slowest of all growths. And when this finally becomes a hobby, one day we will be able to tell a brother truthfully and confidently, “Brad, I love you.”