Close Your Eyes

Chapter 1

         It was Halloween, and Devlin had plans. He waited for 5 o’clock to roll around on a rotting damp bench in what was called a park, but more closely resembled a field you could spit across. A few haggard, dying trees cast their severe shadows. Trying not to think of the time and look at his watch again since no more than 90 seconds had past, Dev dropped his head back and stared upside-down at what remained of the trees’ brittle, translucent leaves that absorbed the sun’s color as it sank lower into the horizon.
         He noted to perhaps invest in -and by invest in I mean steal- a proper jacket this winter as the wind ripped through him. It was going to be a cold one.
In the distance, the faint sound of a bell dinging caught his attention from the café across the street. Dev usually liked to come here at dawn, just as the baker was finishing the bagels; the smell of fresh dough rising in the crisp morning air. Then he’d go inside as their fist customer and sip black coffee while the owner questioned him as to why he wasn’t getting off to school.
         Now, the day was ending and the shop was closing up. A young woman stood on the sidewalk, folding up her apron and adjusting her dark orange scarf as the wind tried to carry it away. Devlin had never seen her before and was immediately interested. She looked out of place in her light pink pea coat and stockings, heals that were much too high to work comfortably in. She trotted across the street and then paused near him, trying to maintain her composure with the wind teasing her; tossing her dark blonde hair into a mess. He watched with amusement as inch by inch, the scarf came unwrapped from her neck
         “Your scarf…” He purposefully suggested too late as it flew away.
         “Oh!” It evaded her and she looked at Dev with helpless frustration.
         He took his queue and retrieved the runaway muffler. She had restrained her hair when he returned from the lawn. Flustered -her cheeks and lips reddened by the wind- she thanked him.
         He couldn’t think of anything to say and didn’t much feel like hitting on her.
         “Anytime.”
         And he meant it, he thought, trying not to stare her in the eyes. He would chase wind-propelled fabric for her all day if she’d smile at him like that for a few more seconds.
         “I’m not used to this weather.” She said, though it seemed to excite her.
         She’s waiting for you to respond, idiot.
         “New in town?”
         She nodded. “From California. Would you believe that this winter will be my first experience with snow?”
         “Absolutely. You seem like a warm weather girl.”
         The smile again. “Why’s that?”
         Dev shrugged, he was out of his element with someone so uncorrupted looking.          “Most girls around here…” well, he didn’t want to be vulgar. Most girls around here knew better than to strike up a conversation with a stranger… especially girls who looked like this one.
         He saw Jake across the street.
         Damnit.
         He stuck out his hand. “Devlin.”
         She shook. “Angela.”
         He tamped down a grin at the way their names sounded together.
         She blushed and he wondered why.
         There goes Jacob. Damnit!
         “I gotta get going, Angel. I’ll see you around.”
         Dev caught up with Jake and they ducked into a bathroom at the nearest fast food joint to exchange money and pot.

         Heero had been pretending to be asleep for around an hour when the grandfather clock in the hallway struck midnight, interrupting the stillness. Rei hadn’t been home for two nights in a row and Heero couldn’t believe he was almost longing for the sound of her terrible music through the walls. But she apparently hated being in this house even more than he did, which left him alone to endure the misery without his sisters support and sympathy, not that she ever had much to spare. Usually, her father didn’t give her any more attention than he might give a piece of furniture. When he did express his frustration, she simply stormed out of the house, leaving Heero as the only outlet of misdirected anger.
         He listened to the sounds of the sleeping house and slipped out of bed when he was assured of his safety. Father was out cold from a steady consumption of booze and Vicodin. Despite his denial, he had been addicted to the pills since his wife past away. Originally the pills were prescribed because of a slipped back disk and now consumed to maintain equilibrium. Heero had given up trying to steal them despite their easy accessibility when he learned his father kept a close count. That knowledge was in fact beaten into him one unfortunate afternoon and several times after as a reminder. What he didn’t understand was how his father could deny abusing the drug when he was well aware of his excess.
         But he didn’t care anymore. All it meant now was daddy would be passed out for several peaceful hours a night and Heero could do as he damn well pleased.
         As he was pulling his shoes on he heard Devlin outside, tap tap tapping on the bedroom window with a Bic lighter. Heero climbed out of his house and was handed a lit joint the second his feet hit the wet grass. He was grateful for the escape tonight. They walked together around the town homes and down the passage between the back to back fenced off yards, occasionally setting off a motion detector or disrupting a stray cat. They huddled together, both without jackets, the pot keeping them warmer.
         “What’d you do today, Maxwell?”
         Coming out on the other end of Heero’s development, they continued down the sidewalk, a brazen teenage arrogance refusing to let them hide the joint.
         Dev exhaled a hit. “Met a girl. Works at Alto’s. From California.”
         “And?”
         “I didn’t talk to her long. Maybe I’ll go today.”
         Heero looked up at the clear, moonless sky and watched his breath fade away from his opened mouth. This is was the best part of his day, what he looked forward to. To make it better, fall was his favorite season. The cold fronts refreshed him, pushing away the humid, recycled air from the summer. He breathed in deep and didn’t feel so suffocated... a relief for now anyway. 
         “Might freak her out if you show up the second her work opens the day after meeting her.”
         Dev shrugged. “I’d have gone tomorrow even if I hadn’t met her.”
         Heero shoved his hands in his pockets as a police car rolled slowly by them. The boys knew they’d be left alone, the joint was gone.
         “I’ll meet you there?” Heero asked.
         “Not yet.”
         Heero lit two ciggs that he convinced a man outside of Exxon to buy for him. He handed one to Dev.
         “Why not?”
         Devlin grinned. “I don’t want you stealing her away.”

         Devlin walked with Heero for around an hour before heading home to try and get some sleep but desperate and burnt out as Dev was, he knew it would be a long night. He hadn’t had enough money when he saw Jake and now the pot was gone. The one thing he could rely on to help him sleep unless he felt like chugging cold medicine. He didn’t.
         Later, he wouldn’t be scared to go knock on Jake’s door at 2 in the morning and end up spending the night. But right now he was just another stupid high school student, easy to scare and easier to rip off. So he was on his own.
         He walked into his house through the front door. Dev was a foster child and he knew as long as he kept his attitude and behavior tolerable no one gave a shit what he did. Just another paycheck.
         He hated it there, a shell of a home with the wallpaper in the kitchen covered in rows of tiny roses, dusty plaques and embroidered pillows expressing sentiments like, A mothers heart is a place where her children always have a home. Wicker tables held cheep vases filled with silk flowers. But it hadn’t always been like this and he was grateful, because no matter how much he hated it, there were places he could hate much more. He knew… he’d been there, too.
         Dev found comfort in how simply he could just pack up and leave. He had a worn out suitcase from the Salvation Army big enough to fit all his things in. What did he really have anyway? Clothes, a few books, a bed that wasn’t his.
         He went upstairs and looked in the mirror; checked his profile, wondering how he looked to the world and he was confident with his appearance. He put his hands on the sink and stared himself in the eyes. He couldn’t stop thinking the same thing, over and over.
         Yea, I’m vain but I fucking hate myself.
         Being attractive, having the ability to make people adore him, well that was something and he believed it was all he had.
         But being the center of attention of the whole fake bastard world doesn’t do a damn thing.
         It was hard not to like Devlin, no matter who you were, even jealously subsided because his charisma was over powering.
         But I’m so fucking lonely. 
         And that is how the night went, Dev feeling sorry for himself and knowing how pathetic it was but not being able to stop. He envied Heero, his best friend who was impossible to unsettle, who was unaffected. But he couldn’t talk to him and expose his weakness. Heero would laugh in his face and never look back.
         Dev damned himself for playing into another statistic of teenage angst. But in the same breath he wanted to cry.
         No one ever really knows anyone.
         Is this life?
         He turned the lights off around 4 and tried to clear his mind because all his self deprecation was exhausting. The attempt didn’t last long. He had to get out, he couldn’t stand being alone with himself for another second. He knew he needed help but he didn’t have faith in anything and he didn’t know where else to go… so he went to the bench and waited for Alto’s to open.

         Heero climbed back into his room. It was always the times when you didn’t think about getting caught that you did.
         It didn’t matter where he had been. His sister could waltz in the front door after a week without a word but all the explanations in the world couldn’t help Heero now. Before he even knew his father was in the room, Heero saw the cane slicing through the darkness. He shielded his head and the stick cracked against his forearm. He cried out in pain and was glad his sister wasn’t home to hear. The next swing was more precisely aimed and hit him at the base of the neck by his shoulder. After that Heero stayed down and covered his head. It didn’t even really hurt unless it was on the head. He knew his father would tire himself out soon and when he did, he dragged his son up by the throat. He tired not to listen as the old man hurled insults at him but they kept smashing against him like bricks. He wouldn’t let the pain show on his face; he kept his lips strong, his eyes empty.
         Eventually, he was left to suffer alone. A dare to disobey again.
         The question presented to Heero most frequently was, ‘why do you let him?’ Because it was painfully obvious how easily he could have taken control of the situation. But Heero never had an answer; or if he did, he couldn’t come to terms with it.
         He pulled himself up onto the bed, forcing himself silent and groping around in his bedside drawer for Advil, Tylenol, Excedrin, something! He didn’t even look at the bottle when he found it, just chewed three of the pills and swallowed. He was in more pain than he’d be willing to admit in the morning but more importantly, a rage was swelling inside of him out of control. He suppressed, suppressed, but it built back up to a fury that terrified him. There was no relief, the anger just kept growing. Heero’s jaw was clenched so tight he thought his teeth would break but he couldn’t stop the tears and finally just let them come. He was backed into a corner and there was nothing left to do but lash out. He sobbed with the balls of his palms pressed against his eyes. Silently, always silent. Only his breathing could give him away.

         He slept when exhaustion finally overtook him and he dreamt of his mother. Why was this the only memory that was so strong? The calming colors of hospitals, eyes that wouldn’t meet his, ashamed of their together lives and their healthy families when everyone knew what Rebecca Ikoda’s end would be. She asked Heero to bring in her photo albums and he slowly flipped the pages for her, let her relive her life through the pictures. She cried, touched the ones of her teenage self as a model.
         “No big deal, just a few shots for a skin care line,” she’d say. So modest, so proud.
         When she turned 20 they asked her to take her clothes off but she wouldn’t do it; Rei had heard the story 100 times.
         Rebecca’s perfect complexion. When they went to the beach she wore a huge straw hat or sat under an umbrella, afraid of the sun and its freckles. Heero and Rei would drag her into the ocean, or their father would lift her over his shoulder as they watched, doubled over with laughter. The good days were over. 
         Now the skin on her hands looked like damp tissue paper and her veins bulged against it, threatening to break through. Her shiny brown hair had fallen out in strands and she wore a cashmere beanie knitted by a friend. Heero was amazed that she was still whole. What was keeping her bones from collapsing? If he listened closely enough he fancied could hear her heartbeat slowing, slowing… stop.
         Those were the worst days. He loved her, he didn’t want her to be alone but god damnit he just wanted to run. It was too much pressure on a 9 year old who could already feel his family ready to rip apart at the seams. The longer she lived, the worse it got. At home, he felt the tension building, the death looming even stronger as Father’s sanity began to slip. Heero loved his mother more than anything… so was it wrong for him to wish she’d just fucking die already!?
         He believed if it had happened sooner, he still would have been able to pick up the pieces and create a life, only cracked where the shards wouldn’t fit together perfectly. But Rebecca’s death took too long and in the end, everything Heero knew and valued burst into oblivion. All he could do was watch his life sparkle away like glitter, pointless to try and catch.
         Rei was acting out, Rei was chopping all of her perfect black hair off, Rei was having sex with random men, throwing tantrums, diagnosed bipolar which was just a big joke to Heero. She was thrilled that the doctors actually thought she was crazy! It was an excuse to do anything. Heero stayed quite, praying that they could still be a family.          Time heals all wounds.
         Yeah, fucking right.


Chapter 2

         Dev sat in the park felling like a stalker. He tired to tell himself, who cares about the girl, you come here all the time. But even if it wasn’t about the girl, she’d still think it was and the situation would be just as uncomfortable. He decided to leave; he could get a rancid cup of gas station coffee and then walk to school, or god forbid, succumb to Starbucks.
         But there she was, walking briskly down the sidewalk.
         Run? Ha, how would that look.
         He lit a cigg, trying to think of an explanation, trying not to stare at her as she approached looking so fresh and alive at that ungodly hour. The happy wanderer with her red scarf, excited to face the world. She gave Dev hope.
         When she noticed his figure she continued cautiously until she realized who he was… then she looked plain shocked.
         Angela smiled at him questioningly.
         He shrugged a little. “Morning.”
         He was suddenly 10 degrees colder. All the blood was rushing to his head… and his groin.
         “Hi there. Should I be alarmed?”
         The smile; she was teasing him.
         “Probably. I was about to leave. I cant imagine how creepy this looks. Believe it or not I-”
         “Come here all the time?”
         “…Yea.”
         She adjusted her coat, revealing a little triangle of exposed skin. Dev noticed the sky behind her had started to lighten and the birds above them were singing, keeping the quiet moments from becoming awkward. She looked around at the awakening world with her bright eyes seeing nothing but possibilities.
         “My uncle told me about you.”
         Dev let out a short laugh. “That man cannot be related to you.”
         “By marriage, on my mother‘s side. I’d never met Edger until moving here. He can be intimidating but he’s a good guy. Gave me a job, no questions asked.”
         “Well I’m sure you’re good for business.”
         She ignored him, “And he called me when I got home last night about you.”
         He grinned. “So what’s Ed’s opinion?”
         “He said to tell you to get to school on time.”
         Angela glanced at her watch, “I’ve got to go open up…”
         She didn’t sound to eager about it.
         “I’ll stick around.”
         She tried not to be flattered. She didn’t know this guy and Edger had warned her about him in a sense, something about a good boy headed in the wrong direction… Besides, if he wasn’t so damn good looking she knew she would have crossed the street and ignored him. But here she was, thinking about making him Madelines.
         What the hell is wrong with you, Angela?
         She was never so easily manipulated by a pretty face and this one couldn’t be a day over 18! She looked up into his hazel eyes which seemed to be smirking at her, well aware of her internal dialogue. She knew she was blushing.
         20 minutes later, Dev sat at his favorite table against the wall and read the paper, occasionally glancing up to watch Angela fill the pastry case. Edger wasn’t in yet so the store was being run by next in command, Kay, who had become fond of Devlin since she started several months back. Her presence had been an unknown necessity for the survival of the bakery. Her feminine touch turned the place into a café and although it was small, she fit in three iron tables, celestial mosaics covering the tops. Against Edger’s better judgment, he allowed the walls and ceiling to be painted different colors which she said, Really opens up the space.
         Business improved so that Edger decided to hire on a pastry chef, fresh from culinary school and just last week they had gotten their third order to design and bake a wedding cake. And now they had Angela, who turned out to be a damn good cook and who’s congeniality kept new customers coming back.
         The smell of fresh coffee made Dev’s mouth water.
         “Just a few more minutes, hon.” Kay called, sensing his impatience.
         He noticed her looking back and forth between him and Angela and wondered what had been said before he came in. Angela was trying to keep busy, wiping down the espresso machine that hadn’t been used, pointlessly reorganizing things. It was always dead for the first half hour, she’d run out of things to do.
         Kay filled two cups with coffee and handed them both to Angela.
         “Here, Angie. Go on, now, you’re only getting in the way.”
         Angela smiled, embarrassed and walked around the counter to sit down across from Devlin.
         “Thanks.” He eagerly took the drink and burned his tongue.
         “So… how old are you? If you don’t mind me asking.”
         “Why would I?”
         “Don’t women usually?”
         “19. And you’re 18?”
         He smiled, “17.”
         Jesus.
         “You have a boyfriend?”
         She shook her head no.
         “Just curious.”
         “What about you?” She asked out of protocol.
         “Nope.”
         Her expression said she didn’t believe him.
         “What’s that look for?”
         She paused, not wanting to insult or flatter him. “You seem like the kind of guy to have several girls following you around.”
         He shook his head no. “I cant help who follows me around, Angel.”
         She wanted to kick him under the table for talking to her in that low, personal tone of voice.
         Don’t look at me like that. I’m not your angel!
         But suddenly she wasn’t the center of his attention, his eyes were focused behind her and she wanted them back. Without a word Devlin shot out of his chair and ran outside.

         After 2 hours of some sleep but mostly nightmares Heero pulled himself together and got dressed. It was 5:30, Father would believe he was getting ready for school so he didn’t worry about not waking him. He stretched out his sore, bruised arms before forcing them to lift 10 reps of 30 pounds. He challenged his muscles to rip and it didn’t occur to him to wonder what he was punishing himself for.
         In the bathroom, Heero caught sight of himself in the foggy mirror after showering. He rubbed away the condensation and hadn’t thought that the stinging he felt while washing his face would look like that. His left cheek was bruised right on the bone and a black eye was forming.
         Besides that he looked like shit.
         His eyes were bloodshot and deeply set from lack of sleep. His skin looked pale and seemed stretched too tight; he hadn’t bothered shaving. What he dreaded most was his friends and teachers eyeing him all day, gathering up the courage to ask him what happened. Hell, if he was lucky, maybe he’d get called down to the guidance counselors office so they could ask if he was having any ‘problems at home’. 
         He grabbed his backpack and let the door slam closed behind him. The city bus was a few minutes early and Heero had to run along side it to catch up at the next stop. He was going to Alto’s and he hadn’t felt like walking. Too bad if Dev wanted him to stay away today so he could try to get laid.
         In the empty bus, the driver kept watching him in the rearview mirror. Heero put his earphones in and stared out the window as the fog lifted away and it began to rain. 

         I shouldn’t have come here, he told himself standing outside, watching Devlin work his charm on the blond sitting across from him. He didn’t want to go inside and ruin Dev’s chances by scaring the girl so he stayed in the light rain until he was noticed, effectively making himself the center of attention.
         The bell dinged as Dev came outside.
         “What the fuck happened to you?”
         “Hey, Max, got a cigg?”
         Devlin fumbled around in his pockets. “Well?”
         Heero shielded the cigarette from the rain and took a deep drag.
         “Do you have to ask? It’s not a big deal.”
         He saw the anger rising in his friends eyes and he knew what would come next.
         “Damnit, Heero, why do you let him do this shit!? All you’d have to do is hit him back one time and he’d never touch you again.”
         Heero sighed, and lowered his head to hide the sadness in his eyes.
         “Come on inside, it’s fucking pouring out here.”
         Heero didn’t move, didn’t seem to hear. After a few seconds he took another drag and handed it to Dev.
         “You gunna bitch at me later for ruining your date?”
         Ding.
         Heero looked up at Angela’s concerned face peaking from behind the glass door.
Her pink lips, her wide headband that matched her skirt and held back her perfectly straight hair which the humidity knew better than to touch. She was perfect… Heero hated her. 
         “You alright?” She asked Devlin.
         Heero was immediately deemed as the threat with his dark, dangerous eyes. He didn’t want to see her anymore than she wanted him to be there. 
         Just as he was about to excuse himself and find somewhere to sulk alone, Dev pulled him inside the last place he wanted to be. 
         It was too bright, to pleasant, and it made him angry to think of how he looked inside a place like this. A black smudge across a pastel mural. He wanted to be waiting inside a convenience shop while Dev talked to Jake on the payphone outside, trying to arrange where to meet.
         They were both watching him, he realized.
         “Ahh, Angela this is my friend, Heero.”
         She smiled falsely but Heero got up and walked right past her to the register to ask Kay for a cup of coffee.
         “Sure, hon…”
         When the soft, pudgy body returned, she tried to examine his face, her motherly instinct taking over. 
         “You alright there? Want some ice to put on that?”
         “Thank you, that wont be necessary.”
         He left two bucks on the counter and sat back down where the girl had been sitting. Now she stood still, trying to decide whether or not to walk away and forget she ever met these trouble makers. Heero could smell her girlishness, a mix of shampoo, perfume, clean clothes and soft skin. He was annoyed with his inexplicable desire for her; he never reacted like this! She was just some spoiled preppy bitch, he wanted to tell her to go away, stop distracting him. But she pulled up a chair from another table and leaned towards Heero; he met her judgmental eyes.
         “Did you get in a fight?”
         Dev put his hand on her arm lightly and shook his head, lets talk about something else.
         After a few minutes the mood lightened a fraction as Dev told the story of how he and Heero met. But Heero would have told her what happened to him the night before. He wanted to scare her, sure, but he wanted her sympathy. He wanted her crystal eyes on him, understanding, her soft voice consoling.
         I want what?! Jesus, I’m losing my mind.
         “Your cookies are ready, Angie!” Kay called and the younger woman jumped up to retrieve them.
         “I’m sorry to come here, Max. I didn’t-” Heero began.
         “Shut up, it’s fine. I’m glad you came here.”
         This calmed Heero immensely and his urge to get high and block everything out wasn’t so consuming anymore… he could stand to wait here for a while longer.
         Angela came back from the kitchen with a basket of madeleines.
         “I made them,” she beamed, setting them down on the small table.
         The boys both looked at the delicate cookies as if they weren’t quite sure what they were for.
         “Go on, try them!”

         Devlin watched Angela watch Heero.
         She kept sneaking glances in his direction to get his attention, to see if he was giving her any.
         Stop being paranoid. She’s just concerned about a despairing soul.
         Dev thought his charm was worthless with women who found Heero’s cold distance compulsively irresistible. They were usually the kind who weren’t used to being ignored and Angela was obviously the usual center of attention.
         Damn him! He had that wounded dog look down to an art. He’d rip you apart if you got close enough, but wouldn’t you like to be the one to tame him… gain his trust?
         She hadn’t realized she was starting when Heero’s eyes shot to hers.
         Back off, they said. I’m not interested.
         Angela had been observing his features and contemplating if she found him more attractive than Devlin. Being complete opposites and thus difficult to compare, and she decided their attractiveness was equal but for completely different reasons.
         Angela blushed at being caught and looked away quickly.
         Dev wanted to puke.
         This perfect woman embarrassing herself for him. Not that Heero wasn’t good enough but she could be using her energy to pursue something much more rewarding…
Like me.
         Finally a customer came in and Angela got up to work. The boys got up a minute later and she handed Dev a napkin with her number on it before they left. He turned the floppy paper-material over and stared at her hand writing, memorizing the digits before folding it into a tiny square and putting it in his back pocket.
         It hardly felt like a victory.


The First Date

         The following Friday night, Angela received her first call from Devlin.
         “Hi there.” He said.
         “Hi. Who’s this?”
         “What are you doing tonight?”
         She smiled recognizing the voice, “you know, I’ve seen you every other day this week. You had plenty of time to ask me out before the last minute.”
         She thought he was lounging somewhere from the relaxed way he talked. In reality, he was calling from a gas station payphone, hoping to keep the conversation short and get out of the rain.
         “I don’t make plans. They always get cancelled.”
         “Do they?”
         “Um hum, like the ones you’ve got tonight, for example.” 
         She laughed into the receiver and he smiled at the sound. They were both thinking of how they liked the way each others voices sounded on the phone, so close and slightly deeper with intimacy.
         “I was actually just studying…” she said.
         “I’ll come pry you away, where do you live?”
         “I’m not sure I trust you at all, Dev.”
         Even if she was serious, he knew she was smiling.
         “I wouldn’t,” he said
         She gave him her address. “You’d better think of something marvelous, my expectations are quite high.”
         “I’ll try not to disappoint you, Angel.”

         Since he was only a few blocks away, Dev was knocking on Angela’s door much sooner than she expected.
         “How did you get into the building?”
         She stepped aside and he kicked his shoes off, “a girl let me in… Nice place.”
         “Thanks.”
         Angela was wearing a dark green pleaded skirt that swung around her knees and a black blouse with silk buttons. Dev looked her over uncertainly.
         “Look, Angel, not that you don’t look great, but you’re gunna have to dress it down a bit or else make me look like a scumbag by comparison.”
         He was wearing navy cargo pants, a T-shirt and a faded sports coat- one of his favorite Salvation Army finds. 
         “What should I wear then?”
         Where’d she think I can afford to take her?
         “Dontcha own a pair of jeans?”
         He sat in her living room and hollered to her while she changed.
         “I’m gunna have to invest in a new wardrobe just to be seen with you!”
         “Shut up, Dev! I don’t care what you wear.”
         She came out and spun around; T-shirt and jeans, her hair thrown up in a ponytail.
         “Perfect, let’s go.”
         Dev took her to the Buck 50 Theater; a small building wedged between a butcher shop and a drycleaners. It sat slanted on an old uphill strip of sidewalk downtown in the city.
         “What are we seeing?”
         “I dunno, their always playing some foreign film on Friday nights.”
         Their arms were linked together as Dev flirted with the mousy girl behind the counter. She looked at Angela with envious eyes and a shy smile.
         “So what’s playing tonight, Natty?”
         “The Last Lieutenant.” she pressed a button and two tickets popped out of the desk, “I think you’ll like it.”
         He grinned at her, “lotsa nudity?”
         Natty slid the tickets under the glass and winked at him, “tons.”
         “Thanks.” He winked back at her and slid his arm around Angela’s waist.
         She paused in the lobby where a bored blonde kid sat on the counter between 2 registers, flipping through a magazine. Dev held the tickets up to get his attention.
         “Wanna soda or somethin?” The kid asked, not bothering to look up.
         Angela shook her head no and Dev said, “no thanks.”
         “Go on then.”
         She was surprised how easily she was letting his arms wrap back around her waist. He grinned at her guiltily.
         “Do people always just give you whatever you want?”
         Dev shrugged. “How bout it, Brett?”
         The kid looked up and restrained a smile to maintain his uninterested expression, “Sure Dev, you’re the man.”
         It might have made her feel a little better if Dev had told her that he’d never brought anyone there before.
         The theater they went into was so small that they sat in the second to last row to avoid straining their necks. The arm rest that should have acted as a barrier between them had been ripped off and Angela wondered how long it would take for his arm to find its way over her shoulders.
         “Did you sit me here intentionally?”
He smiled and took her hand, “of course.”
By the middle of the movie they had gotten through so many artfully directed sex scenes Angela thought that if Dev had been trying to seduce her, he was doing a pretty good job. She left the theater wishing she spoke French and feeling slightly more sophisticated.
         They walked the several blocks back to her apartment leisurely, enjoying each other’s company. In front of her building, he kissed Angela’s cheek and didn’t ask to come up.
         “I can give you a ride home.”
         “That’s alright. I’m gunna go see if Heero can come out and play.”
         Right after he called and met up with Jake.
         “I can drive you there.”
         He kissed her again on the other cheek, “we’re trying not to wake up his father. I’ll see you Monday morning, Angel.”
         She was left standing on the sidewalk feeling cheated. Was Heero more important to Dev than she was? Didn’t he want to come up?
         Wait.
         Why did she care, they hardly knew each other. She realized she intended on having sex with him and was too aroused with the thought to be disappointed with herself. She went upstairs and masturbated in the shower, thinking about the sneaky way Devlin touched her, wondering if he knew exactly what he was doing to her and planning revenge.


Chapter 5

         Against Heero’s intuition, he agreed to meet Dev at Alto’s… every morning.
For the past two years they had walked to school together from the bus stop in front of Dev’s foster home but now their whole routine was being thrown off because of some chick who only worked at the place 3 days a week.
         Heero always showed up as late as possible on days that Angela worked, leaving just enough time to get to school and he did his best not to converse with the blonde whom Dev was fawning all over. 
         But one particular morning, he left earlier than usual, being unable to sleep at home. While Dev was in the restroom and Angela was feeling particularly ignored she leaned over the table until Heero was forced to acknowledge her out of awkwardness. He raised an eyebrow, irritated.
         “Heero?”
         “…Yes?”
         “Why do you hate me?”
         Ha, he wanted to say. Don’t flatter yourself. Hating you would imply giving you some amount of thought. But he didn’t want to make her cry.
         “I don’t hate you, Angela.”
         The way he spoke to her made her feel stupid for asking and more ridiculous for caring either way.
         But she wasn’t going to let him embarrass her about her feelings just because he was an insensitive bastard! She was certain he wasn’t as heartless as he wanted her to believe. She did find herself wondering why she gave him the satisfaction, but she intended to discover why he rejected her friendship. She knew how he avoided her although Dev would never admit anything when she brought it up.
         “Can’t we be friends?”
         He looked back up from his paper with narrowed eyes. “I don’t think so.”
         He didn’t entertain fantasies of them shopping together and talking on the phone every night…
         Dev was pulling his chair out to sit down.
         “You’re such a bastard.” She said.
         Dev’s lips turned up into an amused smirk and he prepared himself for the conclusion of this interesting conversation that had begun in his absence.
         They were both waiting for a response.
         “I’m not trying to hurt your feelings but I just don’t care. You and Devlin have your little infatuation, fine. I want nothing to do with it. What the hell do you and I have in common, Angela? I’m not sure I could fake interest even if I wanted to fuck you.”
         He didn’t mean it. He was interested and not only because he wanted to fuck her. 
         Dev’s hand shot across into Heero’s chest with a hollow thud.
         “She asked, Maxwell!”
         “You don’t have to be such a cruel fuck!” He whispered harshly, trying not to cause a scene.
         Heero’s eyes held a warning that Devlin knew well.
         “I’m not scared of you.” But he leaned away.
         They left immediately after and walked together in silence until Dev spoke up.
         “You know you’re just jealous, right?”
         “Shut up.”
         “No, I’m serious! You don’t need to be. I only hang out with her so much because I cant hang out with you.”
         “I’m sure fucking her doesn’t have anything to do with it.” He mumbled.
         “Heero…” he stopped walking. “I’m not fucking her.”
         “Well why the hell not? You’re honestly just friends? Do you know how insufferable you two are together? All your flirting and inside jokes?”
         “Fine, then I wont force you to see her. Walk by your fucking self.”
         That absurd argument kept the boys hostile towards each other for weeks but they still ate lunch together in silence, which later, they would laugh about.

         On the first morning in winter, Heero pushed aside his pride and left for school early to meet Dev at the café. 
         Outside, it was unexpectedly cold. The air was clear and freezing, hanging motionlessly over the cement, drawing patters of ice over cars and coating blades of grass like a glass fondue. 
         The sun’s light streaming over the horizon did nothing but illuminate... If anything it got colder.  Heero was chilled to the bone and walked quickly to the bus stop, hands shoved in the pocket of his sweatshirt.
         When the driver cautiously slowed to a stop across the street from Alto’s, he saw Dev leaning against the building, smoking. 
         He hardly seemed interested that Heero had decided to make peace.
         “Morning sunshine.” Dev said with sleepy sarcasm. 
         Inside everyone was quiet except Angela who was already overly caffeinated. She brought them drinks, eyeing Heero before pulling up a third chair. It was immediately obvious to him that his friend had had a rough night. He was practically ignoring Angela and kept his head lowered submissively. Although she didn’t recognize the signs, Heero had dealt with Dev’s self loathing before.
         “Dev?” She asked.
         He hadn’t been paying the least bit of attention. “Huh?”
         Angela was alarmed, when was the last time he hadn’t listened to her? Heero scoffed silently.
         “You okay?” She asked in a very intimate tone.
         He quickly pressed on his false smile and kissed her cheek. “Aww, Angel, you’re so pretty when you’re worrying about me.”
         Apparently she didn’t mind being manipulated as long as she was also being flattered.
         Like she gives a shit what’s wrong with him. She just doesn’t want his mood affecting hers.
         Once they left, the façade dropped and Dev submersed back inside himself. He chain smoked the whole walk to school.
         “So what’s wrong?”
         He looked up like he had forgotten he wasn’t alone, then snorted the thought away. They had hardly spoken in weeks, but now he was just supposed to be able to confide in him?
         “You can talk to me…” Heero said.
         “But you cant talk to me?”
         “I came to apologize.”
         “So do it then.”
         “…You were right-”
         “I know.”
         “I was jealous. I didn’t mean to upset her and you obviously care although I don’t know why-… I’m sorry.”
         “Good enough I guess.”
         God he looks depressed.
         “You gunna apologize to her?”
         “If you want.” he said unenthusiastically.
         “She wants you to.”
         “Well, like I said, I don’t really care what she wants, but if you want me to, I will.”
         “Fine.”
         “So what the hell’s wrong with you today?”
         Dev struggled with himself. It would be easier to suppress and deny it but then he’d feel like killing himself all day. If he told his friend… maybe it’d help.
         “I… had a nightmare last night.”
         It struck him as cliché but Heero didn’t want to insult him. “About what.”
         He took a long drag, “the past.”
         A topic that Heero was undereducated on. These were the facts he knew- Dev was a foster child and that his real parents were dead. He had never met his father and was taken away from his mother at age 6 because of her drug addiction. After that, he was in and out of foster homes until at 15, he finally calmed down enough to stay in one place. This was all Heero was ever told besides some allusions to the abuse they commonly endured.
         “I don’t even remember the dream, really. It’s just a feeling that gets me reliving some shit that’s happened.”
         Heero thought of his father and what he would say. You cant change the past so move on and get over it. The biggest hypocrite in the world; he lived in the past every day. Walking around half-conscious, dreaming about a dead wife.
         “I wanna get high.” Dev announced.
         Of course you do.
         “I know you don’t like talking about it… but I cant help you if you don’t tell me what happened.”
         Dev smiled miserably, “You gunna fix me, Heero?”
         “Just think about it, Maxwell… and we’ll get high after school.”
         Dev laughed and pulled out his cig pack, revealing two neatly rolled joints inside.
         “You think I would have dragged my ass to school today sober? I’ve been stoned since 4am.”
         Heero cringed at the future, sensing without realizing the dependence his friend would acquire.
         “That’s real great, Dev.”
         “Meet me on the bleachers.”
         “When?”
         Dev smiled, “we’re having a fire drill in the middle of first period.”
         “How do you know?”
         He shrugged. “Watch.”