Panic Switch Misery

Title: "Panic Switch Misery"

As I walked up the old wooden stairs I knew I was in hell, I wasn't sure how I knew I just did. "I'm in hell. God help me I'm in hell. I'm dead, I died and I went to hell." Fear and despair couldn't describe the way I felt, couldn't sum up my thoughts. Those resounding thoughts "I'm dead, and now I'm in hell." I stood in the wide empty upstairs level and noticed a large square cut perfectly in the center of the wooden floor. I wondered why it was there? The large area held no light, just darkness for as far as I could see. I noticed several large windows lining the wall directly across from where I stood, to the left of them was a door where it led I didn't know and I wasn't sure I wanted to either.

I glanced around the room and in my unease I looked for something to occupy my vision and my mind. Finding nothing I went back to focusing on the large hole cut into the center of the floor. I could see through the dark grey mist but couldn't tell when the fall would stop for the one unfortunate enough to fall. Out of nowhere it seemed a boy with brown hair about my height appeared beside me. He looked like he had been here for awhile. Wearing a dirty white shirt with suspenders and dirty brown pants, he just stared at me sadly. He was dark grey in appearance like a shadow, "translucent". Another unfortunate soul locked in hell. Oh, well at least I had some sort of company.

Come to think of it all of the souls looked like him. A smokey shadow, and, I wondered did I too look like him? Still I wanted to know what sent him to hell? What had he done so wrong to deserve this misery-sentence? I wanted to panic, this was wrong. God made a mistake I didn't belong here, limbo maybe, but not hell. I figured reasoning with God at this point would in fact be pointless. To try and contend my judgment probably wouldn't result in a change of sentence since I was already dead and consequently in hell. I wanted to know why I was in hell. I believed didn't I? I had so many questions a lot of confusion and no answers to come by.

I pulled my attention away from the boy and found that the hole in the floor commanded my attention in some strange curious way. I wanted to ask him why the hole was there. Before I could voice any of my questions, he spoke, I couldn't remember everything he said just that I needed to believe and not just accept what I heard to leave this place. The brown haired boy walked away and towards the door just as I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. The "new" person stood beside me quietly I looked over at him and was shocked, hurt, and sad to see my twin brother. We were in hell. Both of us, together, in hell. I wanted to be sick.

After some moments of silence I carefully crossed the room and opened the door I saw the boy go into some time before. He was sitting cross-legged on the floor, my twin stood on his right side, while I stood on his left. I could only remember bits and pieces of our conversation. The words left my mouth before I could stop it, "how do we get out of here?" both stared at me and the boy finally spoke "Through faith. The only way out is through belief." But my brother and I do believe, my mind screamed. So why were we here? We believed so why did we end up in hell?

My brother, the boy, and I walked out of the room and stood around the square hole in the floor. When the boy and my brother stopped conversing I spoke up. I argued with them about admitting their belief. I could admit mine! Why wouldn't they admit their belief? But they only said they couldn't and walked away while I still plead for them to admit belief, admit faith. I stood alone.Why didn't they care? why didn't they understand? We could just repent and maybe, just maybe, still have a chance of getting out. But they just ignored it, walked away. I couldn't stop thinking "I believe in God and his son Jesus Christ, the sacrifice he made so why?" All I needed to know was why? It didn't matter because I let us down and we were sent to hell. Too late to repent and there is no grace here and even less hope.

Someone singing and sometimes whistling walked up the stairs. I had hoped it would be the boy or my twin but my hope was dashed when I turned around to see Satan himself. I didn't need the little voice inside my head to tell me, I could feel it. He was pure malice such as never could be seen or felt while alive and here he stood before me singing a familiar song, sometimes whistling the tune and smiling to boot.
He stared straight at me gaze never wavering, he scared me in a way words could never say. He didn't look the way I had pictured him instead he looked like the puppet Billy out of the saw movies. Black hair, tall with his pale skin and his red colored eyes. Dressed in a fine white shirt, red bow tie, and black suit. Only he didn't ride a tricycle or have red swirly scars on his cheeks and this wasn't a movie. This was satan I was face to face with and I was most definitely in hell.

I was half tempted to ask him if his name was really "Billy" and not Lucifer, or Satan and if he was just a puppet with a tricycle and master controlling him. But I couldn't and I wouldn't for this was most certainly not a movie nor a joking matter. The fear and panic stopped me. I wished someone was there to save me but they were gone, and what good would they have done anyway? Satan spoke to me but I couldn't focus on the words. Just that I stood face to face with Satan who looks like "Billy the Saw Puppet". The thought that I was in dead and in hell with my twin brother was too prevalent.

Dead and in hell.