What is Self Esteem?

What is Self Esteem?

Self Esteem is the different way in which you look at yourself in relation to the world around you. That is, how you think of yourself and how you perceive others to think of you.

Allow for ten minutes for following activity.
Give everyone a piece of paper.

On this piece of paper I want you to write down the name of the person sitting on your left. Write something positive about this person that you have seen in the last few weeks. Then pass it on to the person on your right. Keep passing onto the right until what stage the paper is in the hands of the person who's name is on the paper.

How did it feel to do this for another person?

How did it feel to read these things about you?

This positive feeling is a way of your self esteem being bolstered. You can help others in your life to lift their self esteem by simply saying a simple "well done" when you've seen them do something good or a "thank you" when they have done something nice for you. Also you need to be able to accept these comments coming to you for when you have done a good thing. Do not brush aside someone when they are telling you “thank you for helping me with that piece” or “I liked the way you did your project” this actually makes people think that what they have done is wrong whereas a compliment should be something that makes both people feel better and therefore raises your self esteem as well as theirs as they did a nice thing for somebody else. But this is still talking about how to help others to raise their self esteem not yours.

SO

How do you raise your own self esteem? First thing that I would like to be able to talk about with you is goal setting. Now when I was younger I tended to think that goal setting was too hard. I'd set a goal for myself like *write on board* "complete my course!"

HOWEVER what I noticed was that I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. After a few weeks into the course when the work was becoming a bit harder and I was getting stressed I was starting to feel worried about this goal and my self esteem would go down MASSIVELY because I thought I wasn't going to make it. For a while as a teen I actually thought that goals were the worst thing ever and refused to make them! But one day someone explained something to me. You don't have to always write long term goals. "What do you mean long term goals?" Well just try to set yourself one goal for today. Make it simple like...will read information that was given to me by my teacher in this class.
When you have achieved this goal go and get yourself a chocolate bar or watch a movie that you like on dvd or video or call up a friend and chat on the phone for a while. Give yourself a reward for having successfully completed this goal and then think about something that you need to get done for tomorrow. Now this I found a lot easier.

I had a client once. Aged 82. Every night when I put her to bed she had a card that she would look at before I turned off the light. It said
*turn and right on the board* All shall BE well.
She said that no matter how hard things got in life she would look at this card that was given to her by someone whom she really cared about and she would remember that things will turn out alright. This is a woman who at the age of 24 no older than I am now was told "You will never be able to walk again" she was a nurse and found this rather upsetting. So Helen went back to college and studied how to become a teacher and she became one of the best teachers at the Alfred Hospital.

This woman I found to be absolutely UNBELIEVABLE because after she was paralysed for life she chose to continue in her line of work to help others. She started her career wanting to be a nurse but found her path in life blocked by a rather large obstacle. Put up your hand if you have ever had an obstacle stop you from doing something you wanted to do. This could be as simple as “my child got sick so I was unable to finish my course” or even just “My best friend ate my chocolate ice-cream and not having enough money for another one you found that you could have no chocolate ice-cream that day. To be able to help other people meant the world to Helen and still did up until the day she died.

Yes Helen had obstacles and she overcame them. It was a very old card and had somewhat faded throughout the years. Yet she was frantic when it was not lying beside her bed at night because it helped her feel like things were not as bad as they seem. Self esteem is like that. It is not so much what the world does to you but in what way do you look at the world. The old cliché do you see the glass as half full or half empty?

Do not let yourself get put into a case that you think “what could I have done” if Helen had spent her life thinking about how much easier it was being able to walk there would be countless people who would not have had someone as understanding and compassionate as Helen to be able to help them in their lives. She was a true inspiration to me and I hope by sharing this, with you as well. Do not think that just because someone else has it easier, in her case others could walk and she couldn’t. That makes you any less of a person than they are or that things would be easier if only. Start the process now and today of making things better in your life. Learn what you can from your teachers and take that into your career with you. Take your time to accept that life won’t always be the best but life is what you make of it. Whether that glass is half empty or half full it is still just one glass of water. Your perception of it is the only thing that
changes.

I want to talk to you about the obstacles that you have gone through during your life and the achievements that you were able to do. I have had more than one friend in my life who has gone through a traumatic time. I have had them think for a few minutes about high school. what was it that made you get through? Or think about other achievements? Are you a single parent? Well that's an achievement in itself to look after that little one all on your own.

Write down an achievement and think about how you managed it. If you can manage to achieve one thing why not others? By thinking of your achievements instead of your failures you are on the road to a good self esteem.

What this woman also did was by having that message next to her she was keeping a positive affirmation by her bed every night. This can also be a good way of maintaining a healthy self esteem as by reading this message it psychologically presents the mind with the idea that "all SHALL BE well" not that things could be well or might be well but that they SHALL BE.


A few other positive messages that could be used are on this website if you wish to look at it.

http://www..vitalaffirmations.com/affirmations.htm#example%20affirmations

Motivation can be a big key when your trying to learn how to raise your own self esteem. Why? Because what keeps us motivated to be able to complete tasks is what?

A. Knowing that you need to get it done
B. Knowing that nobody else is going to do it for you
C. You HAVE to do them.
It is extremely hard to be able to keep yourself motivated to do these things when you are feeling a severe lack of self esteem because you start questioning yourself as to

A. Can you really do what you need to get done?
B. Somebody else would do it better than you so why would they want you?
C. Your not worthy of even being asked to do such an important task as you will only do it wrong anyway.

So like we said you need to find a single goal to tackle because the whole picture seems overwhelming. If you can, break down your tasks into smaller, more manageable portions and choose the one to start with that is least threatening or requires the least amount of effort as a starting point. From there you will be able to build up.

Sometimes it appears easier to let things ride, but then we come down to that original idea of finding a single consistent goal that is an ongoing continual goal such as:

Never wanting to get up in the morning to a smelly kitchen so the goal is to have the dishes done before 9pm so that you still have time to relax in front of the television before going to bed.

If it is a work task it might be a simple as breaking the jobs into separate piles and putting the piles on your desk ready to tackle the next day. Not necessarily to start that same day.

Rewarding yourself for getting smaller tasks done is a good motivating key that you can use to get yourself to continue onto the bigger project.
Once you have started on the road to regular goal reaching and rewarding yourself keep your spirits up with some positive affirmations which you can share with those around you. Sharing, giving of yourself, is the best starting point to feeling positive about yourself.

As a final statement I have got another game for you. Get out a piece of paper and this time I think you should do it for the person sitting on your right. This game is called “A Gift from the Heart”

Gift from the Heart

Giving and receiving gifts is often a very special and magical event. The giver expresses caring for the receiver by selecting something he or she feels would be appreciated. The receiver gets a token of affection and love.

This activity is about giving your understanding of others to them and learning how others see you through the exchange of thoughtful gifts.

Objective
To build relations among group members through positive interactions and to increase self-esteem by receiving thoughtful gifts from others.

Who
People with low self-esteem who could benefit from being thoughtful and nice towards others.

Group Size
2 or more

Materials
- Paper
- Pens, Pencils
- Colored markers or crayons

Description
Each member of the group chooses an imaginary gift to give to each person in the group. Each gift is drawn or described on a piece of paper to be given to the recipient. The gifts should be thought out so they represent the individuals who receive the gifts.

The gifts may be deep and thoughtful such as “courage to face life’s difficulties”, for someone who has shared many deep problems with the group. Or the gifts may simply be something the receiver would enjoy, such as “a season ski pass to go skiing any time you want,” for someone who enjoys skiing.

Once everyone has completed their gifts, let one person at a time give out his/her gifts to the others. When giving the gifts, the giver should explain what the gift is and why she or he chose to give that particular gift to the individual.


Discussion Topics
1. How did you decide what gifts to give?
2. What did you think about the gifts you got?
3. Do you think there was a good match between the people and the gifts they received?

Variation
If the group is large, assign each person a select number of group members to create a gift for, or break the large group into smaller group.

Remember we all have special things that we can give to others, traits and ambitions for life. Each one of these traits are as precious as the next. Do not think that your feelings or your behaviour is any less than anyone else’s. Remember that they have probably at one stage been in the same state of mind that you are in right now.

Thank you for listening to our talk and participating in our activities. We appreciate your attendance today and hope that you might take away something even if it’s just something small from this talk today.