William and Violet - Act 1

Elderly man walks into kitchen and plunks a grocery bag on the counter

Wife is sitting squinting at a recipe card at the kitchen table.  She has a squeaky rather whiny voice.  Think Edith Bunker and Archie.



WILLIAM:

Here’s the milk Violet.  I’ll put the ice cream in the freezer.



VIOLET:

Thank you William.  Did you see anyone there?



WILLIAM:

Yup.  Gordon was picking up eggs for Betty.  He was saying that Betty got a walker.



VIOLET:

Well  isn’t that nice.



WILLIAM:

That’s a funny thing to say Violet. What do mean that’s nice? She has to use a walker now.



VIOLET:

Well William.  What would you have her do?  Fall on her face every time she wants to go somewhere?



WILLIAM:

Of course not Violet.  I’m just saying…



VIOLET:

Honestly William.  I wouldn’t have been very happy if you couldn’t get your glasses.  I don’t see why you’d begrudge Betty a walker.  Now where would you be without your glasses William?



WILLIAM:

As usual Violet you’re missing the point.



VIOLET:

Oh Willliam! You and your points. I’m not missing anything I just don’t think I like your point. I don’t think I trust you to have anything to say about me getting glasses.



WILLIAM:

But I do have something to say about you getting glasses.  I wish you would!



VIOLET:

Well William.  I hardly want you to make disparaging remarks about me having glasses.  And besides, I don’t have time and they’re very expensive you know.

 



WILLIAM:

Violet.  You have plenty of time.  And we can afford another pair of glasses.



VIOLET:

Well that’s not true William.  I’m a very busy woman.  I spend half my day trying to find you. Do you realize that William? You’re always off somewhere tinkering.  Just when I need you : you disappear off in the garage or I find you out talking with Ben over the fence.  I don’t have time for those opthymolo something or others and glasses. 



WILLIAM:

That’s my point Violet….



VIOLET:

Oh William, not another point.  Can’t you concentrate on what I’m saying William? 



WILLIAM:

Honestly Violet.  You only come looking for me because you need me to read something for you.



VIOLET:

Exactly right William.  And then there’s the arguments. 



WILLIAM:

Arguments? 



VIOLET:

Yes William.  Arguments.  Honestly William,  here it is nearly five o’clock and I haven’t started dinner and I’ve been struggling with this recipe while you were off doing the shopping with your glasses.  Now you’re finally here to read it and you want to argue. 



WILLIAM:

For crying out loud Violet.  You’d have more time if you weren’t bothering me to read things for you.



VIOLET:

Oh.  I see.  I bother you.  Well, William, I must say that it really bothers me when you get belligerent William.  I’m beginning to think you have a prejudice about people’s handicaps. 



WILLIAM:

God help me Violet…. Deep breath ….  I’m not prejudiced. It just occurred to me that you’d be happier if you had your own glasses.



VIOLET:

I suppose you’d like me to have my own walker too and then you could feel really superior.  You have a very nasty character flaw William.  I’m really disappointed in you. In fact you’ve given me a headache. I really don’t feel like cooking.  As you don’t want to be BOTHERED to read this recipe, I think we should have take-out. Starts flipping through yellow pages, squinting.



WILLIAM:

Heavy sigh. Fine Violet.  We’ll have take out.



VIOLET:

Can you read this phone number William?



WILLIAM:

Yes Violet….he dials the phone number ….I still say it may be nice that Betty has a walker but it would be nicer if you had glasses.  Hello, Boston Pizza?  Could I have one large Hawaian please.



VIOLET:

Yes of course William. I think its very nice of you to say so but I really think you should try harder to see Betty in the same way you always have, before she had a walker.  Try to be happy for her.



WILLIAM:

I can see Betty just fine Violet.



VIOLET:

Okay for you William.  You have glasses and if you keep ordering pizza we’ll never have enough money for another pair.