Change Is Real (Auto-Biography) Part 1

Change Is Real (Part 1)
Ryan Barr
"Yeah life's tough, but with a little faith, amazing things can happen"

The military is a place for people to sign there life away to a community of people who consider there selves better than the average humans; civilians. On July 27th of the year 1990, a woman was in Maggee Woman's Hospital ready to have her first born child. That woman was nineteen years old and got knocked up by some man who only wanted her for that one thing, her name was Margaret "Peggy" Emmell. Laying on the hospital-bed waiting for her mother to show up, she was running late but the doctors couldn't wait for her and her child was born. That child was a bi-racial boy with dark brown hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. Five minutes later her mother Lynda Barr showed up and Peggy asked her if she was sure she wanted the child. Lynda, without question agreed to raise him like one of her own. The doctor asked what she wanted to name the child and all Lynda said was, Ryan. The birth certificate had the name Ryan James Emmell on it and a few weeks later i was home.

I started my life in a small town called Munhall, on maple street in this big red apartment building close to the borough building. Munhall is a quiet neighborhood with many streets, small family owned companies and Steel Valley as there primary school district. Lynda was working in the medical field, she got her high school diploma and took some college classes trying to be a registered nurse and just have a beautiful future with her new child. Lynda lost her first born child due to a car accident, she got divorced but she didn't let that bring her down.

Peggy was living there with Lynda in school trying to finish up and get a job doing the same thing. Peggy met some guy in his early twenties named Kenneth Kahlbaugh, he grew up in McDonald, PA. They started dating and she moved in with him shortly after meeting and she got pregnant about a year or so later. Nine months later, there Peggy was a gain on a hospital bed ready to give birth again. Peggy gave birth to her daughter, she named her Lesley. She had brown hair, brown eyes, and skin white as a ghost. It was around 11:50 PM some time in June and at12:01 AM her second daughter was born, they named her Jodi. She had black hair, brown eyes, a tad darker complexion, not as dark as me though. Peggy, Ken,Lesley, and Jodi were living together while Lynda and I were living our own lives.

Few months later Peggy and the girls moved in to Lynda's apartment because of how expensive the finances were. We were all on the top floor all living together while Lynda's mother, Evelyn Korekoff was living down stairs by herself. I was two years old, already walking and talking some what, not knowing what was really going on. Ken worked fora moving company and was pretty much living with all of us off and on.Two years of Lynda, Peggy, and Kenny taking care of us Peggy was pregnant and she gave birth to her third daughter, Julie. She had light brown, almost blond hair, and hazel eyes. Julie was the youngest of the group, and i was the oldest out of all the kids. I started pre-school at head start,the school was a few streets down from where i was living. Being at that school I learned the alphabet, how to paint, and small forms of communication. I met this girl named Cassandra Dobnak,she was my best friend at pre-school and Lynda knew her mother Vicky. I really liked her because she was one of the nicer kids in pre-school and she hung outwith me the most. I met two girls there; Rose and Sonya Sherlock. I remember once we hid in a toy-box and put a blanket on the top and we all started kissing because we seen other people do it and we didn't really know what it meant. We took off all of our clothes and started messing with each others private parts and one of the teachers seen us,but just made us not play together for the rest of the day.

I was five years old, the twins were three years and Julie was one and I was officially adopted by Lynda right before starting my first year at Franklin Kindergarten, which was right next to Steel Valley Middle/High School. I met so many people there, i was starting to communicate better with people but I started to develop some form of depression, I always missed Lynda because she was working a lot and I was being baby sat either by Casandra's mom or Sonya's mom and at that young age I didn't really know what to think. Peggy and Lynda always got into arguments about certain situations and there relationship was starting to change.The twins started preschool and started understanding a little bit more and never really questioned to much.That next year i started my first year of elementary school at Barrett Elementary in homestead, that school wasn't the greatest elementary school but i did learn a lot my first grade year. I was in the playground and there was this obese girl with brown hair and a not so attractive face who always got picked on and ate her buggers, her name was Kayla Grey. Everyone on the playground was making fun of her and all of a sudden she started chasing all of us around the play ground,there was some module trailers around the play ground that were being used as classes at the time. One kid called"STAMPEDE" and every kid on the play ground was in a group running away from her and than all i heard was "HALT", and in front of us was our principal, Dr. King.Everyone stopped running like a heard of elephants and that's where i met this kid, Philip Sanders.

Phil was a big comic book, video game, and book worm kid, he is a black, short and fat, but very funny. He had this Donkey Kong Country comic book and i remember always playing Donkey Kong on the Super Nintendo Entertainment System Lynda gave me one Christmas. I walked over to him and asked to see it because it looked like a cool book to read;well look at the pictures. Phil was a grade a head of me and always got good grades, i looked up to him like he was my big brother. I got really lazy during first grade and almost failed because i just didn't apply myself. I also met this weird kid named Travis Burkley, he lived a few houses up from me. I remember always asking him if he wanted to hang out and he always said, "maybe tomorrow" but one day he actually said "okay lets hang out" so i went over his house and he had a Sega Genesis and we would play Sonic the Hedgehog and Street Fighter, we had a blast. Travis had two brothers, Brandon and Michael and they are around five years older than me but they were a bad influence. They would talk about sex,and do drugs and alcohol and bring girls over the house but at the time,i didn't really know any of that was really bad.
Phil and i were best friends in school and out of school, we eventually started hanging out after school at each others houses and played video games and watch TV together. Phil's mom, Sharon is a nice lady and a great mom, she let me stay there and eventually she started baby sitting me while Lynda worked. Evelyn Korekoff, my grandmother eventually moved into Payne Hill apartments in Jefferson because it was cheaper for her. A few houses up from where she moved in,my aunt and uncle Bob and Susan, and there kids Bobby, Lindsay, and Nick Raimond i lived there. Susan is Lynda's sister and Lynda basically raised Susan because Susan is about fifteen years younger than Lynda.

Lynda decided she wanted to move downstairs and help pay for Peggy, Kenny and the girls to live right above us, so that pretty much how it was. Both apartments were structured exactly the same, there was the living room,than my room was on the right, there was a long hallway,and straight across was the bathroom, and right before the bathroom there was my Lynda's room and straight ahead was the kitchen, and on the top floor it was basically the same only the first room was Peggy and Kenny's room, and the girls room would be in the same spot as my room. They would comedown stairs to our apartment most of the time just to visit and hangout, i would hang out either with Phil or Travis depending on who was allowed company at the time.

In school we all met this ghetto black kid named Eugene Cook. Eugene lived in homestead a couple blocks up from Barrett and he was the baddest kid in the entire school, his nick name was Nute. For some odd reason, Phil,Travis, and I became friends with Nute. I think it was because he did like to play video games and he had a strange, yet funny sense of humor.He was such a bad influence to every one, he would steal, pick fights, swear and say rude things to the teachers, and barely do his home work unless his mom yelled at him. His mom, Renee let him do what ever he wanted, he had no curfew and he was able to go anywhere without tell her where he was at. He would shoplift, smoke and he probably drank alcohol. Second grade was a blast though, we also met two kids; David Guerrero and Jeffrey Craig. They were best friends and they weren't as bad as Nute but not the best influences either. We all started to hang out more and Phil and i were starting to get influenced by Nute, David and Jeff.Nute was friends with this school bully,Michael Walker. Mike was in third grade at the time and he loved picking fights with anyone smaller than him, he was the type you would try to avoid on purpose. One day during the summer Nute and i went down to Rite Aid right next to a Wendy's in east homestead, Mike wanted Nute to steal a phone card for him and Nute agreed to. Being unaware that being with someone while they are committing a crime is almost as bad as actually doing the crime. Nute and I were walking around the store for the longest time and Nute picked up the phone card and slipped it under his shirt into his boxers and we proceeded to leave and some female employee told us to stop. She took us into the back office and asked us for our guardians phone numbers and i was scared out of my mind so i gave her Lyndas number.Lynda was furious at the time and Nute and I were banned from that Rite Aid for life.

While Lynda was working a large amount of hours per week i was getting baby sat by Nutes mom. All Nute and I would do all day is play video games and walk around homestead and hang out at Frick park, quite boring actually. The twins started first grade at Barrett and it was just weird going to school with them even though they didn't go half the time. I started to develop some form of depression, i guess it was because i was never able to see Lynda because she was working many hours. Every night after work she would go to Burger King and buy me two whoppers and some fries and always give me money. She spoiled me so much that when ever i asked her for anything she bought it for me, it was unreal.

She thought i had ADHD because i was so hyper active and annoying so she wanted me to see a therapist. She was referred to Presley Ridge children services and one day this man named Tim Powell showed up just to talk tome. I didn't really understand but i decided to talk to him because he see med like a nice man. I didn't like the idea of seeing a therapist because i felt fine, but Lynda and I started arguing a lot because Tim told her that she spoils me to much so she decided not to buy me as much as she was doing. I started to get really irritated and i was being verbally aggressive towards Lynda. Tim recommends that i get hospitalized so she put me in Western Psychiatric Institute and Clinic for mental health treatment. When ever i stepped my foot in side Western Psych i just sensed a lot of fear and didn't know what was going on. I was in the waiting room with Lynda for six hours and a doctor came out and asked to speak with her. About a half hour later her and the doctor came out and he asked to speak with me so he took me in to his office. He asked me to sit down and he started asking me all of these questions. He asked me if i was ever abused physically or sexually, i responded no. He asked me if i knew what that meant and i said yes. He asked if i ever thought about hurting myself or hurting anyone else and i told him no.He asked me common sense questions like what day it was, where i was at, what school i went to and what area i was from. He took me out of his office and told Lynda that i am eligible for treatment and she agreed and i was a patient at Western Psych.

They put me on the third floor on the east wing in my own room with two bed sand i had a room mate named Robert. They gave me some hospital gown to wear because it was around 6:30 PM and gave me a pillow and some sheets but i didn't make my bed, i told them i didn't know how to so they made it for me. Robert said he was there because he didn't go to school and him and his parents got into arguments and they hated each other. There were a lot of young kids and on the west wing there were teenagers and older kids with different staff members. The staff were awesome people and they were always there to talk if you needed them for anything.Every day we had school there for only two hours,and we had group two times a day to talk about our problems and to communicate with the whole group. I was so sad to be there and away from Barrett and all of my friends. They put me on ridlin and addaral medication and i was cooperative with my treatment. I had a foreign doctor i seen one time being there and i had to get blood work done because of me being on medication. By day five i was ready to go home and back into the real world.

I was pretty upset with Lynda for putting me through that but i didn't really think nothing of it, I was pretty nervous about going back to school because of how far behind I was and because of all the kids questioning me for where i was the past week but I just told them i was sick but i was all better now. I still seen Tim at least once a week just in case i had something i wanted to talk about but i also had two therapeutic staff support (TSS) people come and visit me at home and at school. John and Lisa were my TSS and they seemed more than just therapists, they were like my friends. John would take me over his house and there was this boy that lived next door to him named Billy and there was this girl across the street named Briana. Billy was a cool kid who had video games and Briana would come over and we would all play outside and catch frogs in the swamps and look for butterfly's and other cool insects. Lisa was a Christian and she would take me to the wave pool and to church, she taught me so much about Christianity and about right and wrong, she was a great influence to me and she helped me with my homework and she was just there for me anything i needed some support. All summer we would all hang out and Lynda was just continuing to work and Peggy and Ken was still arguing.