Dead Battery...

Dead Battery…
I dashed through downtown Atlanta, crushing buildings beneath my feet.
“All fear the wrath of T-Rex,” I bellowed as I stomped about the miniature skyscrapers, leaving only carnage and mass fatalities in my wake.
At that moment I realized I was being watched, not so much watched as gaped upon. I looked over and saw my 7 year-old sister Becky standing in the doorway, jaw dropped nearly to the floor, tears wallowing in her astonished eyes. What happened next sent goose bumps up my arms and shivers down my spine.
Becky screamed. This wasn’t your run-of-the-mill scream, this was your abnormally blood curdling someone-is-about-to-die scream. Immediately realizing the error of my ways, I sprinted from my sister’s bedroom and across the hall to my own, slamming and locking the door upon entrance.
“Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap. What am I going to do? When mom gets home she is literally going to kill me!”
It had taken my sister three weeks to set up that near-exact replica of the Atlanta, GA skyline. Now, rather than a beautiful work of art, a mangled mass of legos lay scattered on my sister’s bedroom floor. Through my closed door I could hear her screaming continue. When she had calmed herself down enough to spit out full sentences, I heard her yell, “Rex, when mom gets home she’s gonna spank you red, you meanie!”
“Shut up!” I cry, more out of fear than anything else.
Of course she was right about what would happen when my mom discovered the damage I had caused. I’m not the praying type, but at that moment I knelt down beside my bed, crossed all of my fingers, and spoke to the mythical Almighty.
Dear God, if you can hear me, I’m sorry I haven’t been the best person I can be. I try real hard; I just do bad things sometimes. I don’t mean to be mean, sometimes that’s just kinda how it ends up. I promise to be better if you can just find it in your heart to get me out of this one. Please God; I’m begging you on this one...”
Tears streamed down my cheeks as I envisioned the beating to come, and the grounding that will undoubtedly follow. As I lay in my bed, whimpering in self-conveyed misery, something struck me in the face. Assuming the work of Becky, I sprang out of bed, furious, only to find my door still securely locked. Then what had hit me the face? It couldn’t have been imaginary, because that actually hurt. I looked around and discovered the culprit lying next to my pillow. A metallic silver remote-control-like object sat on my bed. Perplexed, I picked it up to examine it.
It indeed was a remote control, a rather common looking one at that. Where had it come from, my ceiling? I looked for a power button, but didn’t find one. I pointed it at the T.V. in my bedroom and hit pause to test it out. Sure enough, the image on my screen froze. Play, pause, play, pause. This definitely was a remote control, apparently for my T.V. I got up to walk out of the room, the image on the screen still suspended, to ask Becky if she’d ever seen this remote before.
Upon opening the door, I froze. Becky was standing in her room, facing away from me, unmoving.
“Becky, I found this remote in my room, do you know what it goes with? I’ve never seen it before.”
Silence
“Becky I know you’re mad at me, I’m sorry, have you ever seen this remote?”
Still, nothing
“Becky?”
It was unlike her to go this long without glaring at me, especially considering the circumstances of today. I walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She didn’t flinch. Waving my hand, I screamed her name. She remained absolutely motionless, didn’t even blink.
In my mind, a revelation occurred. This remote wasn’t for my television, it wasn’t for any television. This remote controlled the universe!
“Whoa…”
My thoughts were racing just trying to comprehend the sheer ridiculousness of what was going on. No way could this remote possibly control the universe. That just sounds ludicrous, even in my head. I determined I would have to test my theory before contemplating this any further.
Scurrying from my sister’s bedroom, I hid around the corner. Peeking into her room, I pushed play. Instantly she sprang to life. Pause. She froze once more. Play. Pause. Play. Pause. I erupted in laughter at my sister’s comical robot-esque movements. Suddenly, the power of this remote hit me. Perhaps I could use this to get out of my current predicament. Oh yeah, and I knew just how to do so.
I unfroze my sister and returned to my room, until I heard the garage open, indicating my mother’s return home. As expected, my sister sprinted from her room, anxious to tell my mother what I had done. As I heard her reach the bottom of the stairs, I hit pause. I sprinted from my room, downstairs, looking around for Milo.
Milo is my chocolate lab. I found him lying in front of the TV. Silly dog, like he could watch TV. I picked him up, with a great deal of effort, and began the chore of carrying him up the stairs to my sister’s bedroom. Breaking a sweat, I finally arrived and placed him in the middle of the lego-wreckage. Returning to my bedroom and re-locking the door, I pushed play.
“Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” Becky shouted in her shrill little brat voice. “Rex wrecked my legos Mommy. I saw him kicking them all down.”
“What!?!” my mother shouted in disbelief.
Followed excitedly by Becky, my mother stomped up the stairs, making sure I could hear her coming. She pounded on my door, rattling the hinges. Normally that sound would cause me to nearly soil my pants, anticipating a cruel spanking or harsh grounding; but I put on my best poker face and unlocked my bedroom door.
“Rex Manuel, did you break your sister’s legos?” she hollered, making sure to include my middle name so I knew I was in trouble. Not this time mother.
“No! What are you talking about?” I peeked around my mother, into my sister’s bedroom, and put on my best surprised face as I saw the legos scattered over her bedroom floor.
“Mom, you don’t think I did that do you?”
“Uh...yeah, Becky said she saw you doing it.”
“She’s lying mom. Clearly, Milo is sitting right there. I was in my room the whole time. It couldn’t possibly have been me.”
My mother, now noticing Milo’s presence in Becky’s bedroom, comes to the conclusion I was hoping she would.
“Becky, it’s not nice to lie.”
“But mom…I’m not lying! I saw Rex do it!” Becky whines, tears beginning to well up in her light-blue eyes.
“Becky, Milo is sitting right there, I can tell it was him!”
Becky ran to her bed and buried her head in her Hello Kitty pillow.
“I’m sorry for accusing you Rex, I gotta get one of those barriers to keep Milo downstairs, or put him outside, or something.”
My mother walked into her room, grabbed Milo by the collar and dragged him back downstairs, the whole time muttering quietly so only Milo could hear, “Bad dog…bad, bad dog.”
I can’t believe that worked! As soon as my mom was out of sight, I slammed my door and jumped up and down, celebrating my incredible good fortune.
“Now that’s how ya get out of a pickle,” I said to myself.
I dove to the floor, the cream colored carpeting slightly burning my forearms, and reached under my bed for the remote I had stashed there moments earlier. Upon retrieving it from beneath the sweater I had hid it under, I lifted it into the air much like a small child, and kissed it, repeatedly. This remote just saved my ass. My mind buzzed with the endless mischievous deeds I could accomplish with this remote.
“Oh, I am so taking this thing to school tomorrow!”
I slept happy that night. I had completely destroyed the lego masterpiece that my sister had been painstakingly working on for three weeks now, and I got away with it! What a rush! This must be what Bart Simpson feels like all the time, ah, I love it! I cannot wait to wreak havoc at school tomorrow.
“This is going to be fun,” I whispered to myself, and slowly drifted into a peaceful sleep.
Morning came and I made sure to tuck my magic remote into my backpack before rushing out to the bus, seconds before it pulled away. During the bus ride to school, I didn’t mingle with any friends; I was too preoccupied with planning out the day’s mischief. This was going to be a good day.
As soon as I walked into class, my good mood vanished as I noticed pop quiz’s sitting on all of our desks! I forgot to study!
“Attention class,” our teacher chirped from the front of the room, “I’m sure you’ve all noticed the pop quizzes on your desks. You will have twenty minutes to complete them. Good luck.”
Twenty minutes? That’s not enough! I immediately whipped out my pencil and got down to work. State capitals, great, I’m screwed. No word bank or anything? This is impossible! Let’s see, I know Atlanta, Georgia…duh…and, um…Boston, Massachusetts, and shit that’s it! Mind blank, pencil unmoving, I sat at my desk wallowing in self-pity over my lack of knowledge of state capitals. Four minutes in, I saw Amy put her stuck-up little hand in the air, indicating she had finished. As if by some rotten, mischievous instinct, my hand reached into my pants pocket, grabbed the remote, and pushed pause before my mind had even processed what was happening.
I got up from my seat, paper and pencil in hand, and walked over to Amy’s desk. As I copied down her answers I repeatedly said to myself, “Ugh…I knew that,” even though I knew I hadn’t. By lying to myself, saying that I really did know these, I convinced myself I wasn’t really cheating, just taking advantage of the situation. I finished with Cheyenne, Wyoming and returned to my seat before pushing play.
As time resumed, I raised my hand, and much to my delight, heard Amy scoff at the sight of my fingers waving in the air, attempting to grab the attention of the teacher. She was always the first one done with every test, and took great pride in that fact. I knew it would get to her if the teacher came to check mine first, and sure enough, she did. Amy immediately began to pout in her seat. Great success! Mrs. Davis must have known something was up because she looked at me with one eyebrow raised when she saw my test. I knew what she was thinking too.
“How the hell did this kid get ‘em all right?”
I leaned back in my chair with a big grin on my face as she wrote the score on top of my paper, A+. While I waited for the less fortunate kids to finish their pop quizzes, I racked my brain trying to think if I’d ever actually gotten an A+ before, or even an A! I know I got a B+ last year on a test in Math, I’m good with numbers, but I think that was the highest I’d ever gotten on any test before…ever!
What a truly glorious day this was, and it was just getting started. During lunch I used the pause button once more, this time to sneak an extra slice of pizza, pepperoni’s my favorite, and a second chocolate milk. Returning to class completely full, I sat down and pulled out my math book, noticing the board today read, “Multiplication Times Tables”. Ugh…I mastered times tables like two weeks ago, I really don’t feel like sitting through this. I began to rest my head on my arms, attempting to find a comfortable position, when I suddenly realized that I don’t have to sit through this if I don’t want to!
Without thinking twice about it, I pulled out the remote and hit fast forward. The teacher began flying around the room, her arms waving frantically up at the chalk board, the other kids studiously writing notes at hyper speed, all while I sat in my desk, chuckling, as hours turned to minutes. Within two minutes, not only had math class finished, but school was over all together. I hit play, the bell rang, I gathered my books, walked out, and got on the bus. What a day!
On the bus ride home that day I pulled out my Spider-Man notebook and jotted down ideas for using my new remote. The possibilities endless, my mind raced with potentially self-enriching schemes. I couldn’t wait to try some of them out. I pulled out my remote to further examine it and noticed a flashing red light on the display screen. What the…? All of a sudden text flashed across the screen, “Low Battery”. Then, everything went black.