Theoretical physics

So there are three people in this story and to make sure this is as cliche as possible, one is a priest one is a rabbi and one is a hippopotamus. Wait. No. That cannot be correct. Who in their right mind would start a story off thusly.

Ok here I go again. This is the story about three people. One is a clown, one is a gangster and one is a hippopotamus. Oh that is so much better.

We start this story off with the hippo getting shot point blank in the head. I'll be damned if I'm going to write dialogue for a hippo.

Now you may ask, "But author, why would anyone want to shoot a hippo". To this I answer, "Why dear little Timmy, this hippo was shot because he was a Nazi communist, half crazed drug dealing Artiodactyla."

If you object on the grounds that Nazis and communists never got along very well, then I will simply say this was a self loathing schizophrenic hippo and since I'm the author I can damn well get away with it.

But on to the story. The hippo had just finished selling the gangster about ten pounds of "Pure grade-A Columbian". You should not be fooled by this clever brand name because the substance that was being sold was actually just sugar. Much in the same way that coca-cola is just caffeine and water (sugar?).

For you see, when this hippo was alive, he was one of the craftiest hippos you would have ever met. Selling sugar under a brand name that implies that it is a highly addictive and semi deadly narcotic, to shady drug dealing gangsters was not only profitable but completely legal.

Heck the hippo could just call it sugar and the gangster types would assume he was being cryptically vague in case there was a wire tap (Though I can't see how someone buying a metric tonne of sugar can't be construed as suspicious).

Obviously a problem arose when the gangster decided to test the "cocaine". In short a 4500 pound hippo (he was a rather obese even for a hippo) can be rather frightening, fortunately for the gangster, this hippo was also a coward.

Now an average hippo can run at speeds of up to 50k/h. Now this statistic is very misleading since they can only maintain such speeds for few hundred meters. They aren't very good at long distances and since this particular hippo was rather out of shape; he only made it about 50 meters before he collapsed in a heaping heaving heap of hairless hippo . At which point the gangster catches up to him and shoots him in the head. Simultaneously splattering the hippos brain all over the nearest wall and floor, as well as making sure that the gangster and his compatriots shall not run low on sugar at any time in the foreseeable future.

Now you may be confused at this point. I know what you mean. I promised you that this story would have a clown. So to lighten the mood; here is a clown juggling 3 bowling pins, 2 oranges and a university advanced theoretical physics text book. Look at him go.