Unsent Letter

Dear            ,

There are a lot of things I don’t know. But I do know what it feels like to lose someone close to me, and I don’t let a lot of people get close to me. And I know what it feels like to know that that person is the only one who can make it right, and to know that they’ll never be there again. It’s that sick desperate feeling that sneaks up on you when you’re alone.  I know what it’s like to hear that time heals all things and I know that it’s a lie because I’ve watched people mourn the lost for so long.     

I don’t really know what else to say. I guess I do things like drink too much and try run away to people I feel safe with. These things aren’t fixing anything. But I’m starting to think it’s okay to let people get close even though you may not trust them yet. I think some people are worth taking the risk for. And isn’t life about taking risks? I guess I’ve risked more important things for stupider reasons.

These are the things I write because I don’t know how to say them. Maybe I’m too scared or embarrassed or maybe they don’t occur to me at all until I see the words in front of my face. I’m sorry I’m not braver or bolder or more intuitive. But I want you to know anyway, because it makes me sad to think you feel so alone. And you shouldn’t when I feel the same way. I hope happiness finds you soon and I hope you are ready to embrace it.

Love always, your friend