Journal Entry written 05March, 2006

Since I have been released from the bondage of the womb, it seems I have been destined to live a life of solitude, and in the darkest of dreams do I reside. It also seems that I am such a darker Man than I thought I would ever be, and in any attempt to reconcile the differences I have with the people I know, do I seem to scare them off with my passions and sadness. My obsessiveness to darkness of the heart and mind of everyone I meet ends only in great turmoil with myself. And in my heart do I reside, hidden away in the deepest regions no other has bothered to venture before. I am and have been made cast out, it seems, from any human contact. And I find that loneliness awaits me with open arms.

My yearning for passion and love and life only increases daily. And I find no one to help bear the guilt and shame I have lived with my whole life. And no one to understand that depth which I speak of. In my mind, there are many ghosts hidden in the shadows of the darkest corners. And no one to stop and talk, only to run in the streets and yell and scream. The phantom that is now my spirit only whispers to me.

I have tried to fill the void with light, but light only goes where light should go, and no further. And casts shadow beyond the reaches of understanding. Where am I to go? What am I to do? With but one life to live, and one goal to fill? Should I be destined to live this life this way? Should I cry in sorrow until I fall asleep? Every night and every morning do I wake to find a ‘home’ and ‘family’, only to find that reminisce of dreams they are. And my sadness overshadows any other feeling I ever have.