Just A Little Randy About The Tarts!

I really am getting on in years I think sometimes.



I still feel as young and as spry as I did in my 20s, I do know who Snoop Doggy Dog is, and I don't think I need to get out Ye Olde green Glad Bag for the head just yet. However, I think I have been left behind a bit in the world of modern colloquialisms.



This point was hammered home to me twice during the past few weeks, during conversations with my slightly younger peers at work.

The first instance was when a girl, in her late teens came into the office wanting to talk about a flight to Sydney. She was wearing a green, sleeveless tank top (rather brave of her I must say, given that it was about 10 degrees outside) and fairly low-cut jeans.



Now, I am not a fashion guru in any remote sense of the word. The fact that, given the option, I will choose my comfortable sneakers over Jimmy Choo high-heels every time, really does prove this point.



Nor am I one to criticize body-shape. If I had my way, all women would be at least size 12 and super models would be espousing how much they love their pear-shape thighs, as opposed to turning sideways and disappearing from sight altogether. The definition of eating disorder would be someone declining a piping hot sausage roll with tomato sauce on a chilly winter morning.



Nevertheless, it struck me as a little unusual, that this lass's jean were so tight and so low that her hips were, literally, protruding over the sides. Aesthetics aside, it simply appeared to be extraordinarily uncomfortable. At any rate, the girl continued to discuss fares with my colleague, and I buried my head back in my own work.



When the young lady departed, one of my colleagues turned to me and said "Did you SEE that muffin-top?"



I responded earnestly that not only had I not seen a muffin-top, but I would be bloody annoyed if someone had actually gone to "Bakers Delight" and neglected to ask me if I wanted a muffin or any other kind of baked goods for that matter.



Given the amount of raucous mirth that ensued, I figured that I had, really and truly, missed the joke here. Where WAS this muffin-top? Was the joke that someone had hidden a muffin-top and perhaps now I was sitting on it? Had someone eaten half of a muffin and found an image of Jesus amongst the sultanas and blueberries?



It turns out that "muffin-top" is a fairly well-used term for the amount of flesh that does hang over the sides of jeans that are just a little too tight and a little too low. I was quite surprised, although when I revisited the mental image, I could see where they were coming from.



After this little revelation, I pretended to be quite nonchalant on the whole "fashion that makes one resemble various cakes and biscuits" thing, although secretly I was planning on rushing home that evening and ditching all of my jeans Pre-2001, and the man of the manor's Speedos as well...once I learned what a "Budgie Smuggler" was.



The second incident, which reaffirmed to me that I was definitely speaking a different kind of  English to everyone around me, occurred whilst I was having a rather heated phone discussion with a most unhelpful wholesaler.



After several minutes of explaining an unfortunate set of events to the man at the other end of the line, I closed by saying that I was very toey about the entire situation and I needed his assistance to rectify the problem.



Well........



The not-so-helpful gent on the other of the phone, suddenly became VERY helpful indeed.



Not only did he assist me in resolving my work problems, I started receiving daily emails from him asking me if I "cared to grab a drink and dinner".



Very flattering to be sure, but I couldn't for the life of me figure out why a young man...in Perth...whom had never laid eyes on me, was suddenly so keen to take me out dancing.



I put the question to one of my younger co-workers, who fell off his chair laughing before proceeding to explain the mystery to me.



Apparently, the term "toey" has acquired a few new meanings since I first heard the word. I grew up in a world where, if someone said they were very "toey" about something, it meant that they were pretty aggravated about it.



Nowadays, if I say to someone that I am toey with them, I guess the inference is "Ok! Pants down and on your back big boy!".



So, I am obviously going to have to get up to speed with all this new jargon. I certainly don't want to be seen as hitting on the individual that I am annoyed with, nor do I wish to be confusing breads and pies with someone's dress-sense.



I am glad it is not just me though....



I remember when I was living in the US, my parents came to visit and quite kindly, as a Christmas present, offered to buy us a new washing machine. They visited the local Sears Department Store (the US equivalent of Myers) and after much searching through the various floors, called a store assistant over to ask "Where do you sell the White Goods?"....



...the sales assistant in question, was as black as the Ace of Spades.



Since that, in all probability, the store employee would not have heard of our Australian term for Washers, dryers and fridges before, she may well have been just a little toey.