The Core (1)

                                                      The Core

                                                            (1)



          A day will go by when I won’t realize what goes on around me, and I dread it. A day when I’ll stop noticing it and start ignoring it, I don’t want that to happen. A fear I have inside of me haunts me whenever a sign or a clue shows me that I’m losing it. I really don’t want that to happen. I want to have a presence. I don’t want to be another piece on the wall, the only piece on the wall. I don’t want to be empty.



          I have been so close to empty before until I was stopped. I thought that I had changed, but I find myself slowly going back to it, a force keeps me going back to it. I have never thought I had the strength to defy it but apparently all of my strength has been powering it.

I want to reverse that and this time I don’t want help.



        It’s always a bad thing when you think you’ve changed but only to find yourself just at the beginning. The real challenge starts when you look around you and see that no ones like you at least not right now, not at the stage you are in. You feel like you are missing something, something that they all have and you don’t because somewhere somehow along time ago something went very wrong and you only find yourself to blame.



God what am I missing?



        You start to notice the pity in people’s eyes, they accidently show you that you are different to them; sometimes you doubt the “accidently” part. What other option do you have but to go along? This is when frustration, lack of self-confidence, depression and false identity all kick in.



It sucks.