Maturity

The hardest part of my life as a gay person is my growing up stage. I start asking too many question, entertain allot of doubt about my self and sometimes got curios of some things which is sometime a waste of time.
Though I’m entering the life of being a mature person, my childish escapade still on my daily existent in this world full of uncertain things. I remember during my high school days, I still play dolls, run with those children in our street, play with them. I live my life as thought there’s no change will happen to me, not until the day came which I fall in love to this certain guy, and this is the time I become more matured enough to analyze my life.
My life begun to become colorful and meaningful each time I woke up early in the morning, I never expected that a gay like me was capable of feeling the feelings of being in love. I knew falling in love to Ric is like a smack on the moon. It can’t be a reality, it will always remain a dream on part. He is a guy and handsome and I’m a gay.
But that time I believe love has no gender, no personality to be questioned for. Love is a pure feeling which said to be that if you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things lack. If you don’t have it, no matter what else there is, Its no enough.
I tried to get close to Ric, in a friendly manner though we got the chance to talk for a while. I can never consider him as a friend, even a circle of friend. He is one of those guys I meet in my daily journey, easy to forget as they say. But not on my part. How can you forget a person whom you fall in love with at the first sight?
That’s the time I take a risk. I want Ric to know that there is someone in this world who loved him unconditionally and unquestionable, except for the fact that it was a gay love.
I wrote a letter to Ric, containing all my feelings fro him. How he make happy, smile and laugh every time I saw him, how he make me feel complete with just one glimpse from him, how he make me able to understand and know the reason of my life. I said if we can be good friends, just a friend for me will do. But I get insulted and hurt because he said he’s not interested to me, even for friends. He said he does allot of friend exclusively female and male, no gays allow.
Life is cruel. Why some people choice there friends when someone is willing to offer an honest and genuine friendship. I was hurt but its fine. I realize that you cannot make someone love you, all you have to do is be someone that can be love and the rest its up to them, to realize your worth. But Ric wasn’t interested about me, then fine! Issue is closed but why still my heart beats fro him. Maybe he comes in my life and for some reason he couldn’t stay or befriend me. I didn’t cry too much but I exerted a tears, I’m glad that even in a simple way our path crossed and somehow he made me smile and fall in love.
I become matured and realize my worth in this world. You know guys? My life was sad since then; I smile though my heart is aching longing for love. I have allot of issue in my self, regarding with my family, with the people that surrounds me, but then I was able to understand all. I just need to love everybody even though I’m not sure of who is true and not, I just need to love my self more than I love I other, I just need to love my God and live my life to fullest, no matter how hard it is. Because for sure someday someone’s going to find my heart.