underestimated the cloudy day

disoriented and derranged. i cant speak of happiness because my surroundings do not allow it. im an angel trapped in a devils world. its not fair. i dont know how i've come this far and why i just keep going. life, will take you under if you let it. love, will keep you there... i cant sleep, i cant eat, i cant feel. only the pain. i wonder what you do through the day. what keeps you going. my body left but am i really gone from you... do you close your eyes and see me laying next to you at night. do i smile at you, do i talk? do we touch.... do you feel my fingernails caressing your skin, as they always do when i want to feel every part of you... do you miss me? do you let me leave, or do you keep me there... or is it her now. does she take my place when i am gone as well as there... do you regret? you never call. you never come around... like you're happier now... or just being stubborn. i never know when it comes to you. i never have a clue. im crying now. i can see you calling her, confiding in her, telling little lies to make her question her emotions and her actions. the way you always used to do with me... control. a little word that means so much to so many people... its not fair... all i ever did was love you. until recently. it hasnt been the same with us. when we touch, it doesnt take my breath away. when we kiss, you dont seem to really be kissing me... when we talk i'm usually somewhere else... and im wondering... is this because we just shouldnt be together, or because we have too much pride to admit that we need eachother... i remember us walking home one day and you said, "you need me." and i replied, "i dont need you, i want you." I LIED