The Tree

I looked out the window. The leaves were changing not only in colors but in shapes as they fell from the sky near the window. It was a dance of red, orange and gold outside in the window. The big tree swayed back and forth holding steadily with its roots. It seemed that the tree was warding off danger with its long whomping branches. The leaves it shook off, making them dance throughout the air, were danger in themselves to the long bark trails of the sorrow built along the shelter of the tree.

I stared at the tree that had too once thrown me from its branches. It threw me as if my ivory skin could do it harm. All I had wanted to do was climb up high and melt into the wind but there it happened, I was ejected from the tree falling fast. I fell arm first on the ground.

The first time I fell, I did not want to believe that the tree wanted to do me harm. I gave the tree space for a few days, staying inside my little glass shelter of the window staring out as I do now. After a few solemn days in, I decided to step out again and attempt to ascend the tree. I approached the tree slowly. I reached out to the rough exterior of the tree and softly whispered that I promised I would be tender. Without another word I climbed up the tree slowly trying to keep my promise. The tree let me up farther and farther than it had before. As I began to get near the top of the tree a branch snapped under my foot and the tree shook me out as it had before. As I fell faster and faster I swear I could hear the leaves laughing at me. Holding my tears back with pride I kicked at the roots of the tree and departed into my glass shelter. Maybe my quest to the top was not the correct path for me.

Months have passed and here I have sat. This time, as I look out the window I do not see a person or soul dangering the tree. Instead I see the leaves that once laughed at me as I tumbled from the tree becoming the danger to the tree. Most of the leaves had flown from the tree’s branches, however, one, only one, leaf, glowing a fiery red, stayed put at the top of the tree. I watched the tree, from my little glass shelter, as it tried with all its might to toss that leaf. The leaf waved to the tree calling out that it was there for good.

A sudden feeling rose up in my throat. A feeling of urgency, a feeling of envy, a sensation of pride, a sense of protectiveness and with each mixing together I ran to my room grabbing my shoes, a hat and jacket and made my way outside to once again ascend the tree. This time I was not climbing to the top for my own good but to help the tree, to take out the mocking top leader. Maybe it was for some of my own good but I was certain this time I would reach the top taking out the leaf and the tree would allow it.

The tree stopped shaking as I approached. I touched the bark, no longer was I afraid of its roughness. This time I did not whisper promises to the tree, in fear that I would lose my courage. Slowly I grasped the tree lifting myself up once again into the holdings of the magnificent tree. Trepidation filled my first few steps as I headed up the thick wooden branches. Relief and hope filled me as much quicker than before I kept climbing. My heart was racing with anxiety and happiness and I could see the fiery leaf coming into reach. My feet moved faster and faster until my heart stopped, my finger reached out and the leaf was within my grasp. As soon as my fingers touched the rigid corners of the leaf my head started spinning and I could feel only air below me.

The tree was punishing me. I was falling and falling. I could not understand why. What had I done this time? I was careful. I was helping. I just wanted to help. That was all. At least I thought it was. Had I caused my great fall again? As my body thumped to a halt on the ground I looked over to my hand. As I opened my fist there it was. The leaf I had selfishly wanted to see gone from the top of the tree was laying there in my hand crushed to pieces.  The tree sat there to my right standing proud and stable casting an eye towards my direction.

I did not get up and run away in terror. Instead I laid there in the grass.  I would never figure out the tree. So for now I closed my eyes and let the dark take me over. At least there the tree could not haunt my every thought. It was me alone with only the leaf in my hand fading into the darkness.