Lord of All He Surveys

I am convinced my husband had a 24/7 on-call genie with him who did the disappearing act the day we were married. For I find he is severely challenged if he has to bend down to pick something up - even a 1gram handkerchief or a 5 gram sock, or if he has to get out of a chair to find a book, or reach towards a switch plate.

Picture this. The phone rings incessantly and Husband is ensconced on a recliner a mere two feet away. Suddenly there is a piercing scream above the insistent ringing of the telephone – “PHONE!” You drop whatever it was you were doing, stumble over vessels, brooms, and atmosphere enhancing pieces like furniture and knick-knacks, and arrive on the scene heaving and panting, to lift the receiver off the cradle. As you manage to mouth a calm non-harassed ‘hello’ into the mouthpiece, the voice at the other end requests” Is R there?” …Sure he is, calmly perched on the couch watching your obstacle race; he has not shifted an inch and is looking at you accusingly for not getting there sooner to answer the telephone.

How about this scene? We have just finished dinner and Husband decides to go through the day’s mail. He heads straight for his favorite chair – you got it, the lazy boy in the bedroom – stretches out and looks at the first envelope. And then you hear this seemingly innocent, confused appeal – “why is it so dark in here?” As if he didn’t know that Edison had already delivered a solution and a flick of the switch was all that was needed to dispel darkness.  The helpless baby is however expecting that I will walk over and turn on the light for him.

How about the perennial search for the glasses and the car keys? We embark on this treasure hunt at least once everyday. I wish I could ‘Google’ his glasses for him. But it is room to room around the house for some of us while Husband is pacing up and down in the verandah, ears perked to hear the magic words…”here they are”.          

Husbands...what do you do about them?