Letter to my family

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I wanted to send this letter to once again thank you all for the wonderful service you provided for mom. I know that she would have been so proud to see that despite whatever differences we may have with each other, we were able to come together when needed most. I wanted to let you know what it was that I had planned to say at her service but sadly was not able to. I ask your forgiveness for my inability to do so then, and If you would honor me with reading the following paragraphs perhaps you may know truly how much she meant to me.

I cannot say that I am wholly believing that my decision to prolong mother's life was the proper one. I know what was done was a quick choice made by an uncertain and scared son about to lose his mom at a time when clear thinking was not exactly a possibility. I did so because I was holding onto some wisp of hope that perhaps she might pull through and surprise us all, as she did on so many occasions in the past. Nevertheless I know that I did what I believed best for everyone, and if there is any burden of lingering doubt, well it is mine to bear.

The measure of my mother's love is equaled only by the level of her strength. This is a woman who has spent the last 34 years making choices and decisions for the most part alone. Although most of you had the opportunity to know mom both as a mother and a wife, with a husband or partner (regardless of exactly how much input that may have been) I knew her only as mom. Her role was that of both mom and dad to me. She chose not to seek anyone else to help her with rising a toddler when she already had so much on her plate. Her reasons are hers alone to know. But what I do know is that no one among us knows how many nights she lay bed wondering, worrying, crying and praying. No one knows how alone she must have felt this passed year when the one thing she dreaded most is exactly what was happening to her. She asked me many years ago to promise that the fate she saw daily at her work would not happen to her. She did not want to be left in a nursing home, alone. We all did our best to alleviate her sadness, by cards and calls, or hugs and kisses. For that I am truly grateful. It was a hard decision to put her there and I know that. I am not laying blame on anyone for anything anymore. It was not unfair for her to ask this of her youngest son. Of course I promised to do everything and anything to keep this promise to her. Obviously I failed.

I am happy though to see that the ones she spoke of so frequently to me are the ones who are here today. She loved us all regardless of our actions or lack thereof, for that I am certain. But having contact with her children is what she wanted most of all. You all have shown your love for her by doing just that, especially at the time when she needed it the most. I am sure the ones who could not make it here today for whatever reason will have their regrets, but in truth, we know they've sent their love nonetheless and in the end that is all that really matters.

Lord, I ask of You please, take our mom home and remove any and all lingering fears that she may have. For she is one who has done her duty well, not by just honoring Your word and following Your rules, but by raising us to be good people who know right from wrong. We know to love one another, and let goodness prevail.

On behalf of us all, I wish to say-
’Thank you mom, thank you.'


Sincerely,


Your Beloved son

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