Internet Love

How many of you out there have ever been to Grande Prairie (GP) in Canada? Bet I am one of the few rare handful of Malaysians whom have gone there. What made me go there? Definitely not because of the wheats! (When I was in Primary 5, one of the chapters in my Geography lesson is on ‘Menanam Gandum di Grande Prairie’. Therefore, whenever I think of GP, the first thing that pops to my mind is ‘Wheat’. That’s about all I know about the place)

It all started in 1998, in the advent of ICQ, the popular online chatting network program. Still in my early twenties; just finished my studies, I have plenty of time idling on my hands in job hunting. I have a couple of good friends whom met their boyfriends online, and they seemed to be having a great relationship and never had time to spend with me no more. So, I thought might as well give it a shot, maybe I’ld be as lucky as them. I have been told to beware of psychotics and god knows what other weirdos and creeps in cyberspace. But I have been pretty lucky so far to chat with many decent, intellectual people. Actually, it was easy for me to ‘sieve’ through the ‘baddies’ from the ‘goodies’, as I have always had spot-on instincts.

As I am a very upfront person, one who doesn’t minced her word, has a dry sense of humour, usually quirky and eccentric in my thoughts, I ended up drawing more foreigners than local men to chat with me, as I seem to connect better with them.
So, lets get back to my search adventure… Being a part-time catwalk model, I can be considered above average in the looks department. So naturally, a lot of men I chatted with showed interest in me instantly at one look of my pic! lol. From a long list of ‘potential’ boyfriends; 3 men caught my interest. 1 is a young English professor, Andy, from the United States, another one is an attorney, Mark, from Australia and finally, Dave, a land surveyor,from Canada .

We chatted over the internet and the phone for about 6 months before Andy made a trip over to Malaysia. We had a wonderful time, and there’s a lot of chemistry between us. But it was kind of hard to start a relationship, as he travels a lot teaching around the world and his next destination was to be in UAE, which I have no interest in going. So, after his returned to US, we still keep in touch through emails till this day. We had this special bond, which helps build a good, solid lasting friendship which is hard to come by these days. For Mark also, our friendship is still ongoing, but so far have yet to meet up with each other. So, in a way, the ‘mystery’ is what makes it so easy for us to share our darkest secrets and thoughts, knowing no judgment will be passed, and even if there is; it woudnt matter as we do not have any mutual friends, so nothing to be embarrassed about and nothing to hide. Over the years, we have given each other tremendous mental strength and support. We have, without failed, always been there for each other online and through the phone whenever one of us need a confidant. We share our joys and sorrows and have seen each other grow, and the turns of our lives for the past decade.

And then, finally, there’s Dave….the redneck from the boonies. After a year of correspondence, he came over to Malaysia. Never having travelled to Asia before, he found it difficult to adapt to the Malaysian culture and our hot weather. After 2 months here, he decided to return to GP and persuaded me to follow him. I told him to give me some time to make arrangements. And approximately 6 months after he left Malaysia, I landed in GP. It was a surreal place. The panaromic view, the incredibly fresh air, honestly, it was like something out of a book. It was summer when I was there, and everywhere you see; its panoramic view of greens and yellows. You don’t see any high buildings. Its all just flat land everywhere. My daily ritual was horse riding (He has 5 horses), with his younger sister when he’s off to work. Most of the time, I spent with the horses while he was working; Feeding, bathing, grooming, trimming their hooves, making sure they have sufficient exercise, keeping them healthy and happy. It’s a lot of hard work indeed! I mean, I only had a small Chihuahua dog to take care of in Malaysia!

And then, autumn comes and goes, and finally its winter time. Dark, gloomy, melancholy, and all sorts of dull emotions stirred-up inside of me, making me feel really depressed and homesick. And now, the panoramic view turns white.. everywhere you look ...its cotton white indefinitely….I began to ponder and began a serious soul- searching… what I wanted out of my life, my relationship, etc... I came to a conclusion. If I am really honest to myself, I know I am unhappy with my life in GP. I just really couldn’t take on to a quiet, country lifestyle. It was a great place for holiday, but to stay there indefinitely; it was just not for me. The hardest part was to tell Dave and his family of my decision. His folks were the nicest and friendliest people I have ever met. Very affectionate and loving. His mom was really excited preparing for our wedding, which was to take place in a couple of months’ time. Wedding cards were all ready to be delivered, relatives all looking forward to the big day.

With a heavy heart, I blurted out my feelings to Dave. “Honey, I’m truly sorry for what I am about to tell you. I don’t think I could go through with this wedding and settling down in GP. I now understand how you feel when you came to Malaysia and not being able to adapt and feeling out of your elements. That’s exactly how I feel here. I tried to like it here, but I know this aint going to work. We better end this relationship now, before we get hurt even more further down the road”.

I left the sweetest, most caring man I have ever been with. I guess sometimes in live, you meet a few special someone who briefly passes by your life…as the saying goes, “Destined to meet, but not fated to be together”.

The beauty of Grand Prairie will forever be etched in my mind, heart and soul, along with the memories of the sweet man I left behind.