Now

Not sure where my life will go now that I know I will live.
I still feel like death is around the corner waiting to steal me
from the wonder and amazement I've found with my new love.
I don't understand it, I have a good life now why can't I feel good too?
Probably because people always feel a need to bring me down, I think.
That must be what it is because I don't remember doing anything to anyone
to be torn down spiritually the way they have. I'm not particularly pretty or
extra-ordinary in any way why do I call in all this negative attention. All
I want to do is live and let live, and no one can allow me to do that. I want
to write and let my heart pour out all of this sour bitterness that's become
my soul. I hate myself, I feel ugly, nasty, and not worthy of anything but eight feet
under. I've never felt so alone and horrible. Even when I was being beat within an
inch of my life, when I had a rifle pointed at my chest, when his hands were closed
around my neck so many times trying to choke my spirit out of me, I have never felt
this bad. At least then I was just numb, now I'm completely and utterly depressed.
Why me, what did I do that was so horrible. I think life hates me and that's why I'm
always called out on the table to either be beaten physically or mentally. I thought
karma existed and everyone would get what's coming to them but now I am not so
sure. From the age of fifteen to nineteen I was beaten like a man, now I am free and
don't even know how to live without being told what, how and when to do everything.
They stole me, they stole my soul my free spirit my childhood. I hate them so much
why can't they have the things that are happening to me happen to them, but no
they just fall into huge sums of money, as I'm left trying to pay off their debts. Sad.
Life is sad.