Diary Of A Sinner - Intro

Diary of A Sinner
Introduction

It is not for my benefit that I write these precious words which consume me. I have no choice. The pen in my hand moves methodically. I could no more not write than I could not breathe. These words, however inadequate, are the very essence of my being. My soul cries out. My heart bleeds. I write. There must be a record. The torch has been passed to me. There is no one else. The time is drawing near when writing will no longer be an option.
  No, my mind is not sane. Whose is? We all share some grotesque form of insanity in the deepest caverns of our being. Instead of allowing our madness free reign, we box and bury it. We bury what makes us human. We damn our own greatness to an eternity locked behind a prison wall. Our strengths are flaunted daily. Our weaknesses we use to our advantage. Our insanity repressed. Forgive my ramblings. My own psychosis I display proudly for the world to see. Yes, I accept my insanity without trepidation.
  Past attempts at collecting and combining words have left me bitter. I have failed then failed again. Compelled by a force I cannot lay hold of, I write. I attempt to grasp an unalterable feeling in an unstable mind to perform an impossible task. My options are none .My existence a lie. I write the truth. My heart is filled with a heaviness knowing the integrity by which these words were penned will be efficiently dissected by cold hearts. The truth will be made vague. The vagueness will bring about indifference. Indifference is my enemy.
  I glance at the scars of hate and selfishness on my arm. These scars are visible yet harmless. The invisible scars crisscrossing my heart generate the most pain. Wounds etched deep into my very being. Pieces of life ripped away unremorsefully. For these wounds there is no healing. No peroxide to fight infection. Untreated, they fester and contaminate the recesses of my soul. My mind screams! All is silent. Madness overtakes me in the midst of silence. Bless the people who find serenity in silence. I am not one of them. My peace abides in confusion and my serenity in chaos. The world viewed my life as victorious yet a victim I will always be.