The Reasoning Room

‘Is it wrong for a man to want to be perfect? Should he be denied the chance to rid himself of the impurities in his personality? Stay a night in the Reasoning Rooms and wake up changed!’

Erick flicked the bottom of the roughly clipped advert and pointed theatrically at the building in front of them. They had wandered through the animated city and found the hotel on the corner of a street laced with strip clubs and whores. It was tall and elegant and spoke of a time when that part of town was reasonably respected.

         “Sounds like just the thing, eh?” he scoffed elbowing his companion in the ribs. “Imagine all the women and money we could get if we were ‘perfect men’.” They were fresh out of the office in a town they hardly knew, these young men of business; exquisitely suited and shoed like grand shire horses in Manhattan. Earning a good salary, they could afford much to soothe their raging vanity but still they were empty, desolate creatures of society.

         Daniel snatched the advert; being naturally cynical he was unsure. “Such a thing cannot exist, surely. This can only be quack doctors offering futile miracles for small fortunes. We would be fools even to think about it!” he said.

         “What would the harm be? We don’t have to buy, just have a look. Don’t tell me that these ‘Reasoning Rooms’ don’t pick at your curiosity? Besides, we need a place to stay”



When they entered, they were greeted by peeling wall paper, dim lights and a man behind a vast oak counter. His smugness seemed to encapsulate them like a bubble and he reminded them of a Vaudeville performer, clinging desperately to a dying art amidst the bustle of the changing times; believing, like the hotel, that he still had a place. He grinned toothily at them.

         “Good evening gentlemen…” he began.

         “Spare us the pleasantries and tell us about these rooms you advertise so positively” Said Erick leaning across the counter.

“Would you like to book one?” said the clerk.

         “We would like to book two if we think they are worth their price”

         “There is no price, Sir. Stay there a night and pay whatever you think they are worth in the morning.”

         “No price? That is no way to make business!”

         “It is how we make business here, sir” Said the clerk.

         “What is so special about these rooms anyway?”

         “I cannot say sir; I have never stayed in them. All I can say is that I have seen bad people go in and good people come out. I hear that the experience is the same for everyone. It allows you to destroy your evils, I suppose.”

Daniel watched Erick turn this over in his mind, he was interested, they both were. “Alright, we shall put your rooms to the test.” he said and the beaming clerk handed them each a key.



They entered the lift destined for the third floor and agreed to meet in the lobby the next day. They joked about comparing notes and negotiating a price for their stay before Daniel stopped outside his room. What was the catch? He watched Erick swagger to his a few doors down. Then he slipped the key into the lock and opened it.

         The room was large with a window, a bed and a bathroom, perfectly ordinary and not particularly special. He turned around and locked the door, when he turned back a small circular table had appeared. Puzzled, he approached it; was it there before? On top was a small ivory box, inside that was a revolver. Its pearly handle glistened in the little light and he had to feel its weight in his hand. It was heavier than he imagined and raising it he squinted as if to shoot, but stopped. There was something there; something was forming in front of his eyes.

Three figures petering slowly into focus and to his amazement he saw that they were him. Carbon copies, but not quite; like looking into a mirror, but not quite. One was bent and crooked, his face raked with suffering. The second was tall and handsome, a little fatter than he and smiling. The third was blank and expressionless, devoid of all emotion. They were Sadness, Happiness and Indifference.

“Kill me! For god’s sake, end it all now!” wailed Sadness, falling to the floor.

“It makes sense; he does rather bring things down” Said Happiness as he sat on the springy bed and lit a fine cigar.

Daniel looked at the gun in his hand; it dawned on him how he was expected to destroy his evils. “What witchery is this?”

“Just shoot me! I can’t go on any longer, please!” breathed Sadness at his feet.

“It can’t be this easy” Said Daniel.

“Yes it is, shoot your unhappiness and all you have left are me and indifference, shoot him and you are left with only me.” Said Happiness, Cuban smoke billowed from his nostrils. Daniel pointed the gun at him. “If you shoot me you are left with Sadness and Indifference”

Happiness spoke calmly, coaxingly against the pitiful sobs of Sadness and all at once Daniel was overwhelmed by the urge to pull the trigger.

“No, this isn’t right.” He said suddenly “Sadness cannot cease to exist, that’s impossible: without sadness there is no happiness. And what person can be without indifference? No, if I kill one of you, then I kill myself.”

“Very good reasoning,” Said Happiness “but you are stuck with us until morning.”



The day break came around quickly for Daniel, he slept well and when he woke his replicas, with the revolver, had vanished. Greatly liberated he sprang downstairs and sat in the lobby to await his companion. But it was the clerk who approached him.

         “I am very sorry Sir, your friend was taken to hospital in the early hours of the morning, he shot himself… I’m afraid he didn’t pull through.”