Enlightenwhat? Episode 1:

Enlightenwhat? Episode 1: In Your Lies I Hear the Truth

"They that approve a private opinion, call it opinion; but they that mislike it, heresy: and yet heresy signifies no more than private opinion." – Thomas Hobbes, Leviathan, 1651

“Folks who know the truth aren't talking. The ones who don't have a clue, you can't shut them up!” – Tom Waits, 2006

There I was, sittin’ on my shit-green couch, staring dull-eyed at my little television. Some old coot with gray hair, a gray suit, and a voice that might’ve been written with a gray crayon was talkin’ about a crisis. These fuckers were always talkin’ about a crisis. I hazarded a glance out the window; the grass was green, ‘cept for a couple spots where the dog kept pissin’, and the sky was soft blue and misty white. No Rapture, no fire and brimstone, no crisis. Sure, I thought, turnin’ back to the TV, my ass was raw from the fuckin’ I’d been takin’ at the pump, and that young couple up the road lost their house to the bank, but that wasn’t nothin’ unheard of. A stupid jingle announced a new story, and the jackass started spouted numbers from some poll. Polls, what the hell good are they? Who the hell decided we could make an entire industry out of just speculatin’, I’d like to know. Talkin’ talkin’ talkin’, that’s all these fuckers are good for. And do they lose their jobs when they’re wrong? ‘Course not. They just move on to the next big event and start telling us what we’re supposed to be thinking all over again. According to the poll, the Blue guy was leadin’ by four points, whatever the hell that means. The jackass didn’t say it, but he musta’ thought this was mighty good news, the way he kept repeatin’ himself and smiling knowingly at me, like it was some kinda conspiracy and I was supposed to be in on it. He was startin’ to grate on my nerves, so I flipped the channel. Shit; nothing but shit. I flipped again and again, until I found another news program. This gal couldn’a been more different if she’d been born out of a horse - not that she was bad looking. Matter o’ fact, she was damned purdy, in a bright red coat thing (the Wife said it was a blazer) with lipstick to match, blond hair all puffed up and shiny, and smilin’ like this was a photo shoot rather than a story about another fuckin’ poll. Polls, what the hell good are they? Anyway, she was saying how the Red guy was four points up. Now, I couldn’t help but wonder who they had takin’ these polls, and whether these smart guys ever thought to check with each other. Work like that’d have you out on your ass in a second in any other industry in the country, ‘sides maybe elected officials. Then she said something about how these results were enlightening. That, I thought with a groan, they were. Hit the nail right on the damn head. Every one of these slick some-bitches could talk out both sides of their mouth and out their ass all at the same time, and I’ll be damned if anyone without a college degree in bullshit could make heads or tails of what they were sayin’. Well, fuckers, I thought, since I hardly made it through high school, I certainly don’t fit in with you all, so I hit the power button and cut her off mid sentence. Hah! Power button – see, there’s real power. Grabbin’ up two mitts, one for me and one for my boy, I hollered at him to come play some catch an’ thought that maybe, just maybe, I really had learned somethin’ from the news.