To Brady Who Is No Longer Meant To Be

Dear Brady,

Though you are still alive and kicking and hopefully will be for the longest time to come; I'm writing you this note to tell you how much I really love you. This week when dad's away and despite you missing him terribly, I've been neglecting you too much as I'm barely at home because of school and in the midst of finding a job; I have let you down so bad boyo though you have never let me down. My deepest apologies =(

You keep pawing me when I'm busy punching away at my keyboard for an upcoming article due that I have to finish, you want me to take you down and only me as you never want to leave my side even when anyone else wants to take you instead. I simply push your paw away and say "Ok" but never really got down to giving you all the manja love you deserve.

Today you pawed me over and over again, from different angles as I sat at the coffee table doing an assignment. You walked round the table just to make sure that I see you and this time I decided to bring you down only to let you get hit by a car.

Brady boy, I don't blame you because I know you were too restless at home. You took the opportunity to run away from me so you wouldn't need to go home. I know you wanted to play but it was late in the evening; was too tired and had no energy to run after you and even though when I did, you were too quick for me and you didn't see that car coming towards you.

I cried no under my breath, it was silent but it tore out from inside me, when you got hit you screamed a hapless whine and lay there motionless for me to see. I ran to your side not looking out for any cars just as long as I was beside you, where I wanted to be. You seemed awake, face in pain and tears welling from your eyes. You knew I was there yet your physical being could not take the lash of the hit, tire mark across your face, I knelt beside you kissing your head and saying all is going to be well.

Your nose started bleeding and eyes were but a stare, you would have been sitting in front of me with amicable eyes and a wagging tail but no not today, not in your grotesque twisted body. I tried to compose myself; hands trembling and tears almost welling up my eyes, "You can't go boyo.." I looked down to where you lay "No not today" I told myself.

My fingers betrayed the moment when I started keying numbers into my phone, I had no one to turn to nor anyone to call for help. I was in the middle of the road and was helpless like how you just laid there, I stood with you. I carried you in my arms, you always liked me to even if you weighed a ton. You big babe you, I had no other choice and I'm sure it pleased you but never to this extent would I want to carry you ever again.

We got you to the vet, your nose bleeding and abrasions across your legs. Blood was all over my shirt and I was heart ached to see you hurt. Please don't do this again Brady, you are very precious to me so don't ever do that again.

I berated you while you were on the vet table for dashing across the road, you turned your head and looked at me with no anger or blame. I could feel you telling me it wasn't my fault but all the more I feel I let you down, especially when you looked at me with those mellow hazel eyes.

The vet kept you there and said it isn't anything much. Just a bloodied nose and a few wounds, you would be up and running within a week. "How fast were you travelling?" I remembered asking the driver. "40 km" was his reply but it looked a lot faster to me. Laying my hand against your heavily breathing body I kept saying you would be alright; you just laid there without a blink.

I settled the paper work and left you in your cage, you knew I would be going away and you started your whining parade. You turned to face me on all fours, are you truly alright? I kept hammering away in my mind, knowing that a lot of things could have been a lot worse.

When I got home, I sat at a quiet spot in the condominium, thinking of the things I should have done instead. Probably have kept you leashed, but I know how much you detested it and how you would be so obedient just to have it off. Not anymore boyo, you're gonna be leashed from now on.

I puffed away at the pain lingering in my heart, fear that once gripped me had slowly let loose but still has a firm hold. The vet could be right and you would still be around for me but if he were wrong I would not know what to really do anymore.

Too late for regrets I told myself when I got a call from the vet. Bad news I thought but it was good. I'll see you soon Brady Boy just stay strong and get well soon. You'll have my undivided attention for always I swear. Its a pity because all that I have just said, you'll never really comprehend like how we both would stay up late at night and I would play you the guitar and sing till you fell asleep, not knowing that I would be singing you my perceived view of your favourite tune, Me And You And A Dog Named Boo.....