duck duck goose!!

that smile and that dance just made me laugh.
its not like it happens everytime.
i thought i could love you forever,
but nothing can stop me now.
i dont really love you.
not really really.
but i dont really like thinking about you.
and i cant meet you today.

the monster inside is sleeping
and its snoring a nightmare.
i wonder if itll ever wake up to find blood on its hands.
blood.
fucking beautiful blood.
im not obsessed with blood.
not obsessed with blood itself,
but an admirer. lover.
a child using red paint for the first time to smear a picture of its deformed two headed mom.

i sat across from you to play footsie.
but however far i reached my legs, all it aroused was the air.
i reach under the table with my hands
and find that they were swimming in water.

the man i saw had a black bag open and cradled in his arms.
he was cooing and rocking it.
he was crying like a stupid blabbering kid. knees on the ground layered with dirt and filth.
the baby in his arms held above the sewage drain
pouring with peoples shit and last night’s rain.
the stench was incredible.
i looked into the murky water to find the bottom layered and layered with sleeping infants.
not old enough to know that they dont exist anymore.
not old enough to know what they would have become in 5 years..10 years...20.
not old enough to know that theyre not really sleeping.

the man was crying
he was dripping snot and tears from every open hole on his face.
i could tell he had never been touched by another human being in years.
a senseless monster and all he can feel is death; everything not life.
his hands were so tight. so tight around the edges of the bag that his skin was transparent. i bet they feel like frozen rubber gloves.
or your lips against mine.
he was saying something. or maybe he was humming something.

he had the knife in his hand.
he raised it above the warm bundled body in the bag.
playfully he waved it in the air like a passing aircraft that would swoosh down threatening towards the bag. maybe it was looking for something to kill.

he put the knife away and paused.
everything was silent.
maybe he heard me choking down my laughter.
as swiftly as the silence came, it went
he clenched the bag with his bear infected arms and twisted the bag like he was draining wet laundry.
except laundry didnt crunch.
he was screaming like a madman. yelling and cursing and crying.
but mostly he was a happyman. laughing and laughing like those times when you laugh by yourself cause youre alone.

he saved the baby.
no, he saved the baby’s head so he could watch it drown.
watch the confusion in its little eyes as its returned to its womb
to never be born again.