Overly Friendly

OVERLY FRIENDLY

(by Francesca Fernandez)



(The scene opens with Katherine, a semi-hysterical girl of 21, dragging a chair with Bianca, a blond 19 year old girl in it. Bianca has her hands tied behind her back. Katherine drags Bianca to the middle of the room, then looks over to her friend Krysten, who is sitting at a table in the corner with two chairs and smoking a cigarette, looking bored.)

(Katherine starts pacing)

Krysten: (looks up) Kat, what are you doing?

Katherine: (still pacing) Waiting for her to get up.

Krysten: Kat, sweetheart. She's not going to get up on her own.

Katherine: Why not? People get up by themselves all the time in the movies.

Krysten: This is real life. And people also don't kidnap other girls in movies. Unless it's to kill them. Which, if you are planning to do, I want no part of.

Katherine: I don't want to kill her! I just want to ask her a few questions.

Krysten: Mmhmm, and walking up to her and asking her like a civilized person just wouldn't have worked for you would it? A simple “Hi, I'm Katherine. I suspect my boyfriend is cheating on me with you. By the way, are you dating a guy named Matthew? Because if you are, then you'd be proving my theory right.” would have totally blown everything out of the water. Yeap, kidnapping her was Definitely the BEST way to get her to talk.

Katherine: Oh, shut up, Krysten. Don't sit there acting like you're above all this.

Krysten: Of course I am.

Katherine: Well then, why are you here?

Krysten: Because you took me out to lunch and wouldn't drop me home with the unconscious suspected skank in the back seat.

Katherine: Yeah, well. Fine. Since you're here then, don't just sit there and do nothing. Help me get her to wake up, since you are SO convinced she's not going to get up on her own accord.

Krysten: It was a pretty hard blow to the head, you know?

Katherine: No it wasn't! I just, knocked her around a little.

Krysten: Kat, you swung your leather briefcase at her head. Twice. I've carried that thing, it isn't exactly light as a feather. God knows what you put in there.

Katherine: It's all documents for work.

Krysten: I rest my case.

Katherine: Are you going to help me get her up or not?

(Krysten rolls her eyes, grabs a bottle of water off the table, walks over to Bianca and splashes it on her)

(Bianca sputters)

Krysten: There. Next time if you want her conscious, don’t knock her on the head with your leather briefcase.

Katherine: (turns around and looks at Bianca) (slightly hyperventilating) Do.. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE HERE?

Bianca: Oww, my head reaaaallly hurts! (looks around) Where am I? (looks at Katherine) Hey! Who're you!

Katherine: Someone who's boyfriend you got!

Bianca: Boyfriend? Which boyfriend? I've got so many! (tries to move her hands) Err, why am I tied up?

Krysten: Because we kidnapped you, honey. Well technically, she did. I just had no means of transportation home, which is why I'm here.

Bianca: (in a whiny tone) But whhhyyy!!!

Katherine: Because! You took my boyfriend!! I saw you with him, at the mall!!! You..slut!

Bianca: Which boyfriend!? And you know, it's not MY fault I like boys, and they like me! And we go to the mall! At least we show ourselves off to the public rather than hide ourselves!!

(Krysten snorts)

Krysten: Kat, honey. Are you Sure this is the girl you saw? Because she doesn't look like she's got enough brains to be a person someone would cheat on you for.

Katherine: Of course I'm sure! I saw them together! She was walking with Matthew, and he had his arm around her! And please Krysten, if I thought Matthew was even remotely interested in her for her BRAIN, I wouldn't have bothered kidnapping her!

Bianca: Matthew? Oh! Matthew! Yeah, the hot one! He's got a reaaally cute smile!

Katherine: Yeah! That one! So he IS cheating on me! With you! You see, Krysten!

Bianca: I never said that.

(Silence. Katherine resumes pacing restlessly. Bianca starts to giggle. Krysten watches her avidly.)

Katherine: WHAT are you giggling about?

Bianca: You.

Katherine: What? Why!

Bianca: Because, you saw me with Matthew once, and you're freaking out! I must be really hot to make you feel so threatened. (giggle)

Katherine: Are you crazy, or just plain stupid?

Krysten: Or just plain blond? Not like stupid and blond are very far from each other.

Bianca: Hey! There's no need to be mean. (pouts)

Krysten: Why not? It's so satisfying. (smirks)

Bianca: Oww, my head really hurts! What did you hit me with?

Katherine: My...my briefcase.

Bianca: Jeez woman, why do you have to carry around one of those heavy leather ones? Ever heard of the softer kind? I think I feel a bruise.

Krysten: Trust me, even if it was the softer kind, you still would have gotten knocked out cold.

Katherine: And she still would have deserved it! That's what you get for stealing people's boyfriends!

Bianca: Y'know, most girls just come up to me and yell at me. They don't kidnap me. So technically, what you said doesn't count.

Katherine: Well, I..didn't exactly plan it! I just saw you, and recognized you.. So I just..did it.

Bianca: (arches her head to Krysten) And how did you get yourself into this?

Krysten: I was unfortunate enough to have had lunch with her before we met you.

Bianca: Haha, betcha regret eating now!!

Krysten: (indifferently) Yes, I curse my need for food now. Damn you, hunger and the rumble in my tummy.

Bianca: So, you both just did this..on a whim?

Krysten: No. She did this on a whim. I already told you I had no way of getting home.

Bianca: Fine, so YOU did this on a whim? (referring to Katherine)

Katherine: (hesitantly) Yeah.. I guess you could say that.

Bianca: (laughs) Oh my god! That's SO funny I don't even know where to start!

Katherine: No it's not! You don't know what it's like, alright!? Constantly feeling not good enough for your boyfriend, always comparing yourself to other girls! Always watching HIM compare you to other girls! “Oh, look Kathy, that chick's got bigger boobs than you.” “Check out the ass on that one, Kathy.” Ugh!

Krysten: Oh, you cannot be serious.

Katherine: (to Bianca) You're pretty, and perky, and what's more? You're blond. Guys dig girls like you. So can you really blame me for freaking out when I see my BOYFRIEND with you!?

Bianca: Well, it sounds like your boyfriend is a real ass anyway, so I don't know why you're so upset about seeing him with another girl. If a boy ever treated me like that, I'd dump him straight away.

Krysten: Yeah, but you've got big boobs, and a nice butt. And you have no brains. You are every guy's dream girl. It's like you walked out of their fantasy catalog or something.

Bianca: (giggles) Well there IS that.

Katherine: Krysten! You're supposed to be MY friend!

Krysten: What are we, in kindergarten? And yes, I am your friend. Which is why I'm not keeping the cold hard truth away from you.

Katherine: You can be really mean at times you know?

Krysten: I pride myself for it.

Katherine: (rolls eyes) Anyway. (turns back to Bianca) The point is, WHAT WERE YOU DOING WITH MATTHEW? IS HE CHEATING ON ME WITH YOU?

Bianca: Maybe, who's to say? (smirks)

Katherine: Look woman, you better tell me..or I'll...

Bianca: Or you'll what? Kill me? I know you can't.

Katherine: And why not!

Bianca: Because you're a chicken. That's why.

Katherine: And...and what makes you think that?

Bianca: Just the fact that you're hesitating, and you've got ZERO self-esteem.

Krysten: Hey, the blond one might not be such a no-brainer after all.

Bianca: You're really not that ugly, you know? Your boobs may be small, but if you let down your hair I'm sure you'd look really hot. And you only don't have an ass because you wear clothes that make you look like you don't have one. I'm sure you've got one. You're just.. hiding it.

Katherine: I'm sure. Are you going to tell me if Matthew is sleeping with you, or not?

Bianca: Make me.

Katherine: Give me a break already! You know, these kind of things ALWAYS happen to girls like me!

Krysten: Girls like you?

Katherine: Yeah! The ones that Just started working, and work too hard! The ones that slave through college, and think they can hold on to their boyfriends and build their careers all at once! Yeah, well. Life never works that way!! The boyfriends always cheat, or the career always goes to shits!

Krysten: Woman, you are so mislead, I don't even know where to start!

Katherine: No I'm not! That's just how it is! Tell me I'm wrong!

Bianca: (cheekily) You're wrong.

Katherine: IT WAS A RHETORICAL STATEMENT!

Krysten: There are no rhetorical statements, just rhetorical questions.

Katherine: Ugh!

Bianca: (laughs) Oh alright. I'll tell you – Matthew and I are not sleeping together. There? You happy?

Katherine: Really?

Bianca: Yes, really.

Katherine: (heaves a sigh of relief) Oh Thank God.

Bianca: But I never said we weren't going out together.

Katherine: What!?

Bianca: I just said we weren't sleeping together, BUT we could be dating, and he just hasn't gotten lucky yet. Well, at least.. he hasn't gotten me drunk enough to get lucky yet. Ever considered that?

Katherine: Well, no.

Bianca: Or, or! I could be a virginal creature, saving my precious flower for the man of my dreams.

Krysten: (scoffs) Yea right, sugar. Virginal creatures don't own C cups, or get drunk for that matter.

Bianca: Well, yeah. But it's still a possibility.

Katherine: Okay, WHY are you doing this to me?

Bianca: (giggles) Because it's funny. And also because you kidnapped me.

Krysten: (snorts in laughter) And the score is, Blond Girl – One, Kat – Zero.

Bianca: The name is Bianca.

Krysten: It suits you. (rolls eyes)

Katherine: Okay look. I just want to know if Matthew is seeing you, in any other way, then just a friend. Because it sure looked that way to me.

Bianca: Honestly, I don't know.

Katherine: Whaddya mean you don't know!?

Bianca: Well, usually all the guys treat me the same. They flirt around, take me out, we have a good time. It's all fun. So I can't really tell if I'm...seeing a person or not, y'know?

Krysten: No, she doesn't know.

Katherine: You are unbelievable. You mean to tell me you're so..promiscuous you can't even tell if you're DATING the guy or not? Jeez!

Bianca: Not promiscuous, just overly friendly.

Krysten: Honey, in the real world, we call it Flirty.

Bianca: Overly friendly sounds better.

Katherine: I don't believe this. So you actually DON'T KNOW if you're dating Matthew or not?

Bianca: I did say I have many boyfriends. That's exactly what they are, Boy. Friends. Boyfriends.

Katherine: Right!

Bianca: Oh come on! You wanna know what I think?

Katherine: No.

Bianca: I think, you should just dump Matthew anyway, whether or not he's cheating on you. If he can compare other girls to you, he really isn't worth it.

Krysten: I'd agree with you, but that'll be too weird. Although what you're saying does have Some substance in it.

Bianca: (smugly) Why thank you! I'd like to think I'm pretty good at relationship advice!

Krysten: Don't get ahead of yourself, honey.

Katherine: Well I didn't ask you for what you thought. I asked you a point blank question – are you dating Matthew or not? And you couldn't even answer me.

Bianca: Oh what IS dating anyway? A few drinks, a couple of laughs, flirting? Because if that's dating, yes, I definitely am dating Matthew.

Katherine: GREAT.

Bianca: Along with 7 other guys.

Katherine: Are you really that incapable of giving me a straight answer?

Bianca: Maybe. Or maybe I just like annoying you.

Katherine: You are impossible.

Bianca: And you are boring.

Krysten: And you're both acting like children. Look, Bianca was it? Just tell the woman what she wants to know. I really would like to go home. And I'm sure you wouldn't want to get a rope burn around your pretty wrists.

Bianca: The knot IS kind of tight.

Krysten: There you go. So just tell her what she wants to know, and we can all go home.

Katherine: Wait a minute! Who are you to make that decision?

Krysten: A sensible human being.

Katherine: I'm sensible!

Krysten: No Kat, right now you're not.

Katherine: Of course I am!

Krysten: Really? Look around you, does this look..sensible to you?

Katherine: Well, no.

Krysten: There you go.

Katherine: But still! We can't just let her go like that!

Krysten: Well, we're going to. Because I am tired of sitting here doing nothing, and I want to go home!

Katherine: Well, I'm in charge here! And I'm not untying her!

Krysten: God, Kat you..child. Fine, have it your way.

(Krysten shoves Kat down in a chair and ties her up with rope from the table. Kat’s hands are tied behind her back)

Krysten: There, you two sort your issues out now. I'm going out to have a smoke. And maybe, if I feel like it, I'll untie you when I get back.

(Krysten walks out. Silence)

Bianca: So..You really want to know?

Katherine: Of course.

Bianca: Well, I first met Matthew at a bar. He looked real cute, and he bought me a drink. So we were walking in the mall, he had his arm around my waist...

Katherine: Yes, I saw you guys.

Bianca: Let me finish!! Everything was going fine, and I was really having a good time. Then I went to the ladies, and when I came out, I overheard him on the phone saying “Yes sweetheart, I'll be seeing you in a bit.” along with other mushy stuff. So that's when I figured he had a girlfriend. So I just made an excuse to leave and I've never called him again. I may be blond, but I've got principals you know?

Katherine: So he isn't cheating on me!

Bianca: Not with me, no.

(Krysten re-enters)

Krysten: You girls sorted your issues out yet?

Katherine: Oh Krysten, you wouldn't believe it! He's NOT cheating on me!

Krysten: Yes, I share your joy. You girls ready to be untied then?

Bianca: Yeah Kaitlin, are we ready?

Katherine: Of course we are...wait, what did you call me?

Bianca: Kaitlin. That's your name isn't it?

Katherine: What gave you that idea?

Bianca: The girl that Matthew was calling sweetheart on the phone was called Kaitlin. I heard him pronounce her name before he hung up.

Katherine: Oh, Kaitlin you say? Like, the Kaitlin from his office.

Krysten: Kat...calm down...



- END -