May Thirteenth

October 2008: I will be editing and making these into a book of poetry (but I don't have a date yet). For a copy email me.

These short quips were written over a 4 hour period on May 13th, 2005. I was reading and writing in the Oread bookstore and staring out the window. The original (somewhat edited) are found in "93 små dikt ORIGINAL"  [set on private view at the moment].

Seen in the distance:

These were taken inside the Oread Bookstore:



Some of these have adult content, so please do not read if easily offended. [Color coded by page in the original]

May Thirteenth

         93 små dikt

1

He removes his pants.
Full moon.
He turns.
Mars, jealous, gasps.

2

Will you ever stop?
Said in a low voice quivering
that begs for more.

3

How much am I worth?
Make me a snowflake in the midst of winter.
I'll make the change somehow, Kartuffe.

4

In May,
I'll grow you a row of peonies,
sow a garden of teardrops
with my pain.

5

Hold me in you.
One last trill to sing
before I turn and you must go.

6

My bed's still cold.
Your perfume travels a thousand miles
as nightmares will not let me sleep.

7

I woke with him in my arms,
my love for you
betrayed.

8

Ice and moonlight.
I melt before your wings
that flutter over me.

9

No matter what the size or shape,
without your fragrance,
your eye's caress,
it cannot bring me blessings.

10

No matter how small your gate,
I seek the key
that gains me entry.

11

Snake writhing?
No.
It is my lover
and his shadow.

12

Thick hair thins;
baldness beckons.
The moon of desire rises.

13

What love songs could I dare record,
whisper on your answer-phone,
before your blush deletes the notes?

14

Bathing, I think of you.
Quickly, I close the door.

15

I whisper into the vines,
"What wine could be pressed
by lips as full as yours?"

16

Without you,
in the crowded clutter of the day,
emptiness engulfs me.

17

When will I forget you?
When will the next Ice Age cleanse this hill?

18

Catlike, I slink behind your trophies,
hide beyond your clutches,
wait for my bowl to be filled.

19

The boat oared down the river.
I saw you smiling, laughing.
Shore bound,
I could only wave goodbye.

20

The rain batters the oak.
Broken, it waves back with blindness.
All changes save the stone.

21

I fear I can't make up with you.
Words have not been discovered
for realities that were never born.

22

Even drinking and quarreling,
even leaving my senses behind
would be kind.
Kinder than this silence,
this fog forever separating us,
clothing you in the mist of myth.

23

How can I abort this love
that never had a chance
to be conceived?

24

Watching the runoff hurry to the river,
I understand now why you don't call.

25

I would've danced with you all life.
Would that you had asked me twice.

26

For me the flight to Kansas skies.
For you the sight of your son's eyes.
Both blue, mine weeping.

27

When you skate your last and hang up blades,
will wounds heal or bleed anew?

28

Your voice heard over a telephone -
not the same as whisper brushing ear.

29

Three guffaws,
a simple dance,
one handshake.
My basket of memories must seem so empty.
Oh, how I treasure it.

30

How did both of us ever agree
to never say nothing
about the nothingness
that died between us?

31

I hear your thunder in the distance.
It rains within my heart.

32

Around us:
rain soaked fragrance of honeysuckle summer.
Between us: pain and winter.

33

I pray you are awash in sleep's sweet dreams.
Unable to rest myself, I pray.

34

I have left.
There are others to tend your gardens,
but no one to send you postcards
other than me.

35

What consolation that you are happy?
Even this you do not share with me.

36

Thus doth thyme,
sit on my shelves. It waits
for the meat to be delivered, begs
to mix with the essence of your smiles: parsley, sage and
rosemary.

37

How long did our love making last?
Your version or mine?

38

We never fought.
Yet, blue eyes receding turn red.
A warning in the cold night,
yawning between us.

39

I sometimes bask
in the memory of a moment of warmth.
I thank you.
For it has kept me alive.

40

Even a quarrel would be welcome.
Tension coils for a thousand miles.
A heart attack knows no distance.

41

My heart will never heal.
As long as it is sealed with wax and promises,
false passion always breaks it open.

42

How many hurts are blinded by sunlight.
How many random thoughts by moonlight,
will reveal the pain.

43

Will I ever forget your initials
I engraved in my heart?
Will I ever touch one strand of your hair?

44

I will breathe one last goodbye.
A thousand miles away your eyelids flutter,
once,
unnoticed.

45

In the dark of night,
always a glow of a distant firelight
holds fast the memory
of the rose-of-dawn.

46

When next I have a kitchen
will you buy me utensils?
Forks
and plenty of spoons

... but never knives.

47

I remember your smile
in the heart shaped leaves of the redbud tree.
I think of your silence,
snap the withered branch
that bears no flowers.

48

On the same earth,
under the same skies,
we walk.
Must I wait until both shall pass
to share my thoughts?

49

We shared the same restroom
once,
at different times.
It was as close as we ever got.

50

Deep in despair,
I wrestle with my nightmares.
One word of kindness would banish gloom.
Therein lies my hope.

51

My love has no name that he can say out loud.
Deep within the caverns of my heart
he whispers. Softly,
I gather the first letter of this game
that breaks my body with its quake.

52

Like the perfume of a dying flower
waiting for the cleansing downpour,
I spray my verse on stone.

53

There is this hole in you I seek to fill,
passage to another universe I cannot understand.
I fall into that realm, never to return.

54

Winds blow eastward
forever scattering my verse before you.
Diluted by the distance of time,
the tears of raindrops,
what sustenance they shed
blows onward to the sea.
High upon these plains,
I seek to hear their echoes,
in the harsh dry wind.

55

Water seeks the lowest point.
I replenish your pools with kindness.
My only sadness?
I do not get to swim.

56

I wish us to be old friends in old skins.
And like the snake, shed this life,
to glisten with youth,
together again.

57

We are linked by words.
I speak. You listen.
We are linked by silence.
I listen for words you never utter.

58

With two eyes that cannot see you,
I have only my heart to guide the way.

59

In winter, a white smile.
Come spring, it grins in green.
By summer it burns to brown.
The scarlet of autumn lifts the frown.
Yet I,
a mere poor passerby,
cannot know what lies within,
the golden seasons of your wiles.

60

Beyond my fear,
I would ride the roller-coasters of life with you.
Hell, even a swing-set would do.

61

Between my touch of fingers,
a sweet moon smiling back.
Such are the treacherous landscapes
of desire.

62

Do you know which flowers are which?
If I bought you love-in-the-mist,
would you take the hint?

63

Where do my poems toss and turn?
In your bed?
Deep in your heart?
Or neglected, do they gnash and thrash
about in the trash?

64

The sun arose red-rose today and I
forgave the wounds of yesterday,
then slashed my flesh again to cry.
I like my weeping warm and fresh.

65

So much larger by moonlight.
The stars discuss whether Mars
is out and about tonight.

66

Two male birds, moved by the moment,
attempt to mate. Frustrated,
they move on to find a better fit.

67

I would be the lint on your woolen underwear ...
peel the plums within your dreams.

68

If we were one ...
would we bother to argue over the toilet seat ...
up or down?

69

Your snake seeks the grass.
My snake yours.

70

If we shared a blanket
would folding it bring us together?

71

Into the fog at twilight,
we cross this one last bridge.
Behind us burns
the embers of our past.

72

In a time of trilliums,
hours melt like Dali's clocks.
Oh, that I could join you in this picture.

73

If we ever caught the same cold
at the same time,
would it give you sniffles?
me, pneumonia?

74

Bitching about my poverty,
Anxiety reaches new heights,
then sends me to Depression,
leads me unto paths of Paralysis.
I fight.

75

At my death:
my unshared love,
moments that will never be.

76

Viewing the moon,
memories
swell from deep within.
Does it shine where you are too?

77

Seeing my name engraved on stone,
will you be relieved? Or that my love
cannot longer reach you, will you sigh?
... until that eternity.

78

After making love,
you leave the ice, unlace your boots.
Knowing it will lie there frozen,
until tomorrow's skate.

79

I saw some sparrows once,
saw them eggs-a-making, love.
Saw the fruit of your love once,
but not the making.
Felt the essence of your love,
my heart still breaking.

80

By moonlight,
would you pound the waves of my shore?
By first-light,
would I collect the (broken) scoured shells you
left behind?

81

Lotus blooms in the muck.
You swim in deep cold oceans.
Lust bakes in desert soils.
I plant my seeds where I must.

82

I carry the weight of my love for you.
If I tossed it to the wind and set it free,
would I walk lightly and soar to join you there ...
somewhere ... beyond this trudge of misery.

83

He walked once across my heart.
Each footprint gathers rain to quench my thirst.

84

First time ever I saw his face?
His golden barbwire
cut my tapestry
and I unraveled.

85

You did not invite me in
and I did not beg an entrance.
Outside the gate I watched
the fireflies flicker
and your door close shut.

86

The feathers-of-flight
and the fins-of-waters,
meet at the surface tension.

87

Were you mere tissue paper
in the toilet of my dreams?

88

You never said you would catch my love for you.
You never said you'd catch my spit, either.

89

I know which way the winds blow!
Here in Oz, I bless each cloud,
that you may count the rainbows.

90

Love for us could be messy,
awkward even,
but I would suffer all indignities,
to breathe your warmth beside me.

91

Stand erect my love,
let the sweetness of your eye
arise before me.

92

Snore loud next to me!
Keep me awake!
Counting sheep,
I'll tally every precious moment
that we snooze together.

93

What shall I share with you?
The kiss of peach, the squirt of lime,
all life's messiness. In time,
my death, your death,
and our eternity.


© 2005 Kåre Enga [162.121-137] 2005-05-13

Guide:

121a-b = 1-2,
122a-e = 3-7
123a-e = 8-12
124a-f = 13-18
125a-d = 19-22
126a-e = 23-27
127a-e = 28-32
128a-f = 33-38
129a-g = 39-45
130a-e = 46-50
131a-e = 51-55
132a-e = 56-60
133a-f = 61-66
134a-h = 67-74
135a-f = 75-80
136a-g = 81-87
137a-f = 88-93